


If I Stay

by btxtluver4



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Denial of Feelings, Depression, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Idol Kang Taehyun, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kissing, M/M, Past Abuse, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Torture, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:28:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 83,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24202084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/btxtluver4/pseuds/btxtluver4
Summary: What do you do when you’re plagued with monsters of your past? You run away.Choi beomgyu always does. Leaving Daegu, dropping out of art college in Daegu to run to Seoul…everything he does is inspired by the need to run away. Fight or flight and his default answer has always been to leave.But now, he meets Kang Taehyun—a headstrong guy, one years his junior. He is stubborn, a bit childish and carries an air of risk everywhere he goes. He is everything Beomgyu isn’t asking for, and yet he finds himself drawn to him.Will he be able to let go of the past and take a chance on whatever is budding between them?
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun
Comments: 121
Kudos: 183





	1. “Personal” delivery surprise

**Author's Note:**

> Yay! Another ff! I had promised that I've been working on something and after my exams I'll post that, and here it is!  
> In this fic, since there's too much violence and gore, I decided to make them a bit more elder. If you cannot handle violence, don't worry. I'll make sure to add a trigger warning before it starts. But it won't start anytime soon in this book.  
> Anyways, enjoy! Feel free to add comments if you like it and if there's some mistake! ❤️  
> P.S : the KTH here stands for Kang Taehyun studio, not Kim Taehyung studio.

_He can still feel the cold, clammy hands wrapping around his neck like an ugly necklace. He tries to scream, tries to grapple the hands closing in but they’re winding tighter. Tighter. Until he chokes on his breath._

_Tighter. He feels his neck breaking, his lungs constricting, begging for air. He tries to gasp but no air is coming in. He is fading…..._

_Tighter. He is fading away. He kicks his feet with the last of strength he has but nothing happens. This is it; he thinks. I will die here._

_He hears a cold, vicious voice in a whisper full of hatred, “You wanted this. You made me do this”._

_Then everything just goes black._  
____

Choi Beomgyu wakes up in a cold sweat, shivering and gasping for air, sitting up from his bed like he’s been electrocuted. His lungs are still set in panic mode as he calms himself down slowly.

He turns to his bedside table to look around and he sighs in relief when he confirms that he’s still alone. He is, but that only gives him some minor relief as his heart is still racing, his lungs still running out of air in panic. _Inhale. Still here. Exhale. Still here._

He recites this mantra over and over again until he feels he’s steady enough to move around. He notes with disdain the LED clock on his bedside table that says 2:00 AM—which means he got only two hours of sleep tonight. He should be immune to it by then, what with almost six months of sleepless nights he experienced ever since that day. He shivers again as he tries to put back the memory away from his consciousness. It doesn’t matter; besides he manages to survive by taking little naps here and then……and before you know it, he already has eight hours of sleep.

He checks on his phone to see a text message waiting for him on KakaoTalk. It’s from Yeonjun.

_> >Beomgyu-ah, I’ll pick you up at six tomorrow. We can go to the studio together._

Their small design company, Rylone, has a huge project tomorrow with an entertainment producer Kim Taehyung, who got them to work on the design of her dance studio. They met up with the man last week to finalized the design after the ocular inspection they had weeks prior and finally they are about to start the project tomorrow. The commissioned work doesn’t only involve interior designing but Beomgyu has to create murals for every room including the lobby at the storefront.

It is the biggest project their team had considering that KTH dance studio is situated at the very heart of Seoul. He knows he can’t fuck this up.

He types in a quick reply, and lays down in bed, staring at he ceiling. There’s nothing there and for a moment, he feels like the emptiness is directed back at him. He wishes he is back in Daegu, where his family is, but he remembers with a bitter taste how they had turned their backs on him the moment he revealed who he really was.

__

_That is probably why they never visited him in the hospital, even after Yeonjun called them and told them what happened. Maybe, they hated him more for that._

Screw home. Its been years he’s been there. Seoul is his home now and he might be lonely and scared, but at least he doesn’t have to hide who he is here. Besides, he also has his whole life here. He is slowly making a name for himself in interior designing while continuing his passion in painting. He doesn’t make much, but he at least has a decent one-bedroom apartment near his studio, albeit lacking of modern furniture, _a television and a functioning oven. ___

__Beomgyu turns to face the window, watching as the sky turns from a dark to a shade of coral and then blue. He watches the day unfold right before his eyes, listens as the city stirs into life._ _

__Its already 4 AM when his stomach grumbles from hunger. He drags himself out of bed and starts his day.  
____ _

__Yeonjun picks him up before six. Beomgyu is wearing his typical work clothes- a white undershirt under a grey wool pullover, folded up blue jeans and white sneakers. He tries to hide the bags under his eyes by wearing his full vue glasses._ _

__Yeonjun frowns at him when he sees his glasses- already knowing why and when Beomgyu wears them, “You didn’t sleep again?”_ _

__Beomgyu shrugs as he slides into the passenger seat of Yeonjun’s pickup truck, “I’m fine”. He buckles himself and looks expectantly at Yeonjun who is still frowning at him, “Beomgyu, you do know you’re welcome at my apartment right?”_ _

__Beomgyu snorts, “ _My_ apartment? Its not your apartment hyung, your sister is there too.”_ _

__“So? My sister loves you.”_ _

__“That she does. And I don’t want to steal her from you.” Beomgyu gives a half-hearted smile before gesturing at the road, “Now drive, hyung. We still have to pickup some of our stuff in the studio”._ _

__Yeonjun sighs, but pulls up to the road._ _

__It takes around fifteen minutes to reach their studio and even from afar, Beomgyu has seen something that seriously surprised him. He’s not really sure if what he’s seeing is right, but when Yeonjun pulls over, he confirms his initial discovery._ _

___There’s a kid by his mailbox._ _ _

__Yeonjun turns to him in question, “Do you know him?”_ _

__He shrugs, rolling down the window to take a better look at the kid which should not be hard because his studio is on his side of the road. The moment he did so, a cold gust of wind entered the car reminding both of them the impending winter. He turns to the kid currently crouched down, leaning on the pole of his mailbox._ _

__Okay, maybe calling him a kid is quite a stretch, considering that he looks already in his twenties, shorter than him by a few inches, maybe, but has a slightly leaner figure. But from what he can see despite the distance and the black face mask half covering the boy’s face- he looks kind of young. The skateboard beside him is also a dead giveaway of his age._ _

__He also notes, with a bit of disdain how the guy must be a rich, spoiled kid considering the clothes he is wearing; an oversized Balenciaga hoodie, expensive looking jeans and really over the top orange Nike shoes._ _

__“You think he’s dead?” Somewhere inside the car, Yeonjun asks._ _

__“He’s breathing”. Beomgyu notes as he sees the fast rise and fall of the man’s chest….and he realizes something. _Too fast. He’s breathing too fast.__ _

__“Yah! Beomgyu what the hell are you doing!”_ _

__Beomgyu ignores Yeonjun and opens the door to walk towards the boy. He hears Yeonjun’s car door open and close to follow him, “Beomgyu, I think we should call—”_ _

__“Hey, wake up”. Beomgyu lowers himself down so he could peer into the man’s face. He takes a longer look at the boy, _yep, definitely not homeless_ , what with a clear, almost porcelain like skin. He wonders how long the boy has been there, as he grabs him by the shoulder, only to take his hand back from the heat emanating from the boy._ _

___He’s burning up._ > _The number you’re calling is busy. Please try again later.__ _

__Beomgyu clicks his tongue as he pushes redial and hears the same operator’s voice. He wonders why Kim Taehyung is not answering but he decides to just send him a message._ _

__< < _Taehyung hyung, I’m trying to get hold of you but couldn’t get through. We just had an emergency and had to drop by the hospital. But we’re already on our way back to the studio. Our juniors are already there and they already started.__ _

__He sends the message before sinking into the flimsy cushion of the bench at the waiting area of the emergency room. He leans against the wall and closes his eyes. He knows he can trust his staff to follow his instructions, honestly, they are reliable enough that he sometimes, he feels he doesn’t even need to do any manual work._ _

__“Beomgyu-ah!”, Yeonjun sits down beside him, handing him a cup of warm coffee, “Here.”_ _

__“Thanks.” He says taking it and warms his hands with the metal, “How is he?”_ _

__Yeonjun just shrugs as he takes a gulp of his own coffee. Beomgyu does the same and sighs._ _

__“The guy has no identification with him. No wallet, no cell phone.”_ _

__“Was he mugged?”_ _

__“Doctor says he’s just overly fatigued and passed out.”_ _

__Beomgyu chuckles, “What can that kid be doing to tire himself so much he passes out?”_ _

__Yeonjun is looking at him sternly and he rolls his eyes, “Oh come on. That has never happened to me.”_ _

__“Yeah, because we were there and noticed immediately. We almost had to lock you up in your bedroom just so you stopped going to the studio.” Yeonjun chuckles darkly. “Beomgyu-ah, you really can be hard headed sometimes.”_ _

__Before he could retort, a doctor comes out of the door of the emergency room and calls their attention. They stand up immediately._ _

__“Thank you for bringing him over. He’s not in any serious danger, it's just his fever is really high so he might have caught an infection.” The doctor looks at the two of them, “Are you his friends or something?”_ _

__Yeonjun shrugs, “We found him on the front door of our studio. He’s burning up and so we decided to bring him here.”_ _

__“I see…he’s still not awake but he will, probably in the next couple of hours. Then he can identify himself and reach out to his emergency contact. Do you want to stay- “?_ _

__“We actually have somewhere to go”, Beomgyu said, chewing his lip. He doesn’t know why but leaving the unconscious man alone was not good but they really have no choice._ _

__The doctor nods in understanding, “I understand. But is it okay if we get any of your contact numbers so just in case he doesn’t wake up or anything, we can contact you?”_ _

__“Why? We don’t know him too.” Yeonjun frowns turning to Beomgyu who is confused as well._ _

__“Sorry. Its hospital policy. We have to have someone to contact when things happen.”_ _

__“I don’t- “_ _

__“Yeonjun hyung.” Beomgyu raises his hand, effectively shutting the elder guy up. He takes a piece of paper from his wallet, maybe a faded-out receipt from a restaurant and scrawls his full name and number, “Here. You can contact me here. And if I don’t answer, here’s my office address.” He adds the address to his studio._ _

__Yeonjun is just staring at him in disbelief as he and the doctor exchange their goodbyes. Beomgyu turns to him as the doctor walks away, “Lets go.”_ _

__“Why did you do that?”_ _

__“What?”_ _

__“Give away your number just like that?”_ _

__Beomgyu shrugs. He also doesn’t know why but he feels like if something happens to that guy, he definitely wants to know or at least help him out. There’s something about him that’s piquing his curiosity. “We needed to leave and they needed a number. Now, just drive or we’ll be later that we already are.”_ _

__They walk wordlessly to the truck but before Yeonjun can’t even start the engine, he turns to Beomgyu, “Gyu, doesn’t that guy seem familiar?”  
____ _

__> > _Beomgyu-sshi, I’m sorry I missed your call. I had to attend some urgent matters involving one of my talents. Anyway, your juniors had been very diligent and efficient so it’s fine. Thank you for your hard work._  
____ _

__“Bye bye, Beomgyu-ah!” Choi Soobin, one of his staff who works for his company (but is elder than him) waves across the table, already on his way home. Beomgyu nods at him, “Bye bye! Get home safe.”_ _

__He hears the sounds of the door of the studio clang with a loud bang and reminds himself that they should really get that door fixed anytime soon. Only a few lights are on his small studio pronouncing the late hour more. He looks around the studio- the design had always been a free open space with tables and chairs so people won’t feel constricted and would feel free to communicate anytime; but with tiny nooks here and there for when people needed to be left alone._ _

__It used to be an ideal space for them, but with the hectic schedules, the tables are filled with strewn papers, open sketch books, dirty unwashed mugs and more clutter. He really can’t blame his juniors. All of them are tired, including Yeonjun hyung who took a day off today to rest after the exhausting week and a half they had at the KTH Studio._ _

__At least, they’ve finished installing the mirrors on the actual dance studios (there are seven rooms in total and each room had to distinct from each other) and has started painting some murals on at least three of the rooms._ _

__Unfortunately, their usual couch supplier had a problem with their shipment of the fabric and wood Beomgyu had chosen weeks prior so he had to change a bit on the design of the couches in the dance rooms._ _

__He is sketching a few more designs so he could show to Kim Taehyung tomorrow at their meeting before he leaves for China. He’s a busy man, after all._ _

__He looks up at the LED clock on the wall at the far end of his table and shakes his head when he sees its already past eleven. He starts to wrap up, picking up his fourth cup of coffee when his phone vibrated._ _

__He picks it up and opens the KakaoTalk message from someone named _Kang Taehyun.__ _

__> > _Hi! You probably won’t remember me but I’m the guy you brought at the hospital. I’d like to apologize and say thank you for not leaving me for dead.__ _

__Beomgyu stares at the message, heart suddenly beating against his chest. He remembers that night after he brought the guy to the hospital, he’s waiting for the doctor to call but there’s none so he figured that the guy has finally woken up and they were able to get hold of his real emergency contact._ _

__It takes a bit of time before he admitted himself that he finds the guy attractive…...but even when he did, he had long accepted that they will never cross paths again. _God, he doesn’t even know his name!__ _

__But now he does. And that name sounds awfully familiar._ _

__Before he can respond, another message comes in._ _

__> > _Sorry if I’m messaging at this late hour. You’re probably asleep already. I had to trick my manager to give me my phone and I begged the doctor to give me your number. I’m not sure if this is your correct number but I’d just like to thank you for volunteering to be my temporary emergency contact number.__ _

__< < _Hi. Yes, it’s me._ > ____

___< < _No, I’m still at work.__ _ _

___> > _Still working? Wow, you’re hardworking, hyung.__ _ _

___Beomgyu chuckles, denying that the blush on his cheeks is not because Kang Taehyun called him _hyung.__ _ _

___< < _How are you? Are you out of the hospital?__ _ _

___> > _Yeah. Just got out this afternoon. I’ve been okay since Wednesday but my manager threatened me physical pain if I don’t listen to her.__ _ _

___Beomgyu laughs at that. _This kid_. His office manager even had to baby him just to make sure he doesn’t die._ _ _

___< < _I might have to agree with her. She’s such a kind person for doing that.__ _ _

___> > _She’s a pain in the ass. But yeah, she kind of reminds me of my mom so I guess she’s not that bad.__ _ _

___< < _I bet she is. Taking off office days just to watch over you. You must be really good employee._ > ____ _

____< < _Wow, so confident. Are you sure the infection didn’t reach your head?__ _ _ _

____> > _I’m a cool guy.__ _ _ _

____Beomgyu shakes his head, but the constant smiling is making his jaw hurt._ _ _ _

____< < _Don’t exhaust yourself again. I can’t believe that really happened. I mean, I don’t really understand how it did.__ _ _ _

____> > _I was skateboarding and felt dizzy. I sat down on the pavement and maybe just blacked out?__ _ _ _

____< < _That’s dangerous, Taehyun-sshi. What if someone else saw you and didn’t help? Or mugged you?__ _ _ _

____> > _I like that.__ _ _ _

____< < _Getting mugged?__ _ _ _

____> > _You calling me “Taehyun-sshi”._ This kid._ _ _ _

___< < _Well you looked younger than me.__ _ _

___> > _I’m not. I’m already 23!__ _ _

___< < ____ _

____> > _Then can I call you Beom-hyung?__ _ _ _

____Beomgyu’s heart skips a beat. _What the heck?__ _ _ _

____< < _Sure. Taehyun-sshi.__ _ _ _

____> > _Thank you, Beom hyung.__ _ _ _

____< < _You probably need to rest more. Go to sleep.__ _ _ _

____> > _I could say the same to you, Beom hyung.__ _ _ _

____< < ____ _ _

_____> > _Oh, I see. Safe trip, then. Good night, Beom hyung.__ _ _ _ _

_____< < _Good night, Taehyun-sshi.__ _ _ _ _


	2. Selfies And That One-Not-So-Much Of A Phonecall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beomgyu gets an unexpected phone call and Yeonjun is too protective of him.

“You’re smiling a lot.”

Yeonjun tells him as he quietly pockets his phone and proceeds to write on his clipboard. He is checking the quality of the carpets he ordered, and so far he’s been distracted by some Kakaotalk messages from some kid.

Its been another hectic week since Kang Taehyun and him started messaging each other in KakaoTalk and he has to admit, it never fails to put a smile on his face whenever his phone pings with a new notification. Despite their conversations being quick since both of them are busy and random, somehow, they never run out of topics to talk about.

Slowly, through the conversations, they reveal more details about themselves- their favourite things: food, movies, music. He found out Taehyun loves ramen and jujutsu and loves action films and hates suspense. He’s a toy collector and one of his obsessions is LEGOs. They spent a good hour with Taehyun just sending him photos of the LEGOs he already has and LEGOs he plans to buy. He also loves the colour yellow which coincidentally is the colour scheme he has been working on in KTH studio so he sends him photos of his mural designs. Kang Taehyun in turn, would send memes of himself looking so impressed.

Sometimes, they talk about how their day was, what happened at work…. although Beomgyu notes Taehyun would be once he would ask detailed questions about his work. He would just say same as always, _my manager’s been biting my head off_. Beomgyu credits it to having a boring office job. Besides, Taehyun would always say how his job is so fun and exciting and _Beom-hyung is so cool._

“Just talking to someone.” He says, feeling the phone vibrate again but ignores it because Yeonjun is still staring at him curiosly.

“What?”

“Nothing.” Yeonjun shakes his head, “Anyway, I just came in to tell you that delivery of plants will be delayed for another five days.”

“Again?” Beomgyu clicks his tongue in annoyance, “I thought they already found a supplier for the pencil cacti?”

“It’s the vase they are worried about. I sent the photos to your email and they are god-awful ugly.”

Beomgyu walks towards his table, to check his laptop. He opens Yeonjun’s email and almost rolls his eyes when he sees the suggestion of vases. They are not even close to the sketch he has made, “Can’t they find someone else who can make what I ordered?”

“Already did. That’s why it will take five more days for them to arrive.”

Beomgyu gives Yeonjun a soft smile, “Thanks for being reliable. The staff are still working on the floors, right? So I think that’s okay.”

Yeonjun nods, then looks around his table, “Are you not going out for lunch?”

Beomgyu shakes his head, “Not yet. I received some inquiries from this potential client and I haven’t replied to that.”

“Hmm…. should I just buy you lunch then, before I head back to KTH?”

Beomgyu beams at him, “You’re amazing, Yeonjun hyung.”

Yeonjun rolls his eyes at him before waving goodbye and walking out the door.

Beomgyu is answering a client’s email, requesting a meeting next week when his phone vibrated again. He remembers Taehyun’s unread message and picks up his phone to read.

_Beom-hyung, how come you don’t send selfies to me? I also want to see you._

_Beom-hyung, I want to see you._

_Taehyun-sshi, I am not as narcissistic as you._

_[image attached]._

Beomgyu almost laughs at the image of a pouting Taehyun. He notices how the guy is wearing eye makeup-making him look like an anime character. His hair is also styled differently, parted on the side and with wisps of hair slightly covering his face.

He looks too good to be true. Now he’s sure Taehyun is not some regular office worker. Beomgyu is once again hit with an overwhelming sense of familiarity while looking at Taehyun.

_Is that for work? You never tell me what you do._

_Huh? But you never ask._

_I always ask you how’s your work and you say it’s the usual._

_Because it IS the usual stuff._

_I also tell you it’s the usual stuff. But I don’t get to look like an anime character any day of the week._

Beomgyu thinks of the many times Taehyun’s exquisitely styled selfies and wonders why he never asked before.

_Do you really want to know?_

_Will I ask if you do? Are you some kind of an entertainer? A singer or a dancer?_

_Send me a selfie and I will tell you._

Beomgyu sighs. He hates taking selfies but he does check his reflection on the glass window of their studio. There are dark rings under his eyes and the light blue button up shirt is not doing anything to hide his slim figure. Compared to Taehyun, he’s just a sight…and that’s not even on a positive note.

_Beom-hyung. Come on. I want to put a face on my temporary emergency contact number._

Beomgyu smiles at that. He sighs and walks by the window where the light is spilling inside casting a decent morning glow on him. Hopefully, this will hide the fact that he looks like shit. He takes a selfie and checks how it looks-doesn’t like it and takes another one.

Still not right. Beomgyu doesn’t know why he’s being so sceptical about this. Its not like he needs to impress Taehyun.

Yeonjun finds him on that spot when he comes back with lunch and eyes him curiously, “What are you doing?”

Beomgyu immediately blushes, embarrassed at getting caught in the act. “Nothing.” He pretends to just be browsing his phone which honestly looks more stupid than him admitting what he’s doing.

“Are you taking a selfie?”

Its too late to deny it, anyway so he sighs in embarrassment, “Yeah.”

“Why?”

“I just want to.”

“Liar.” Yeonjun places the pack of food by his table and eyes him directly, “There’s something going on with you and I’d really appreciate it if you tell me. I’m your oldest friend and your hyung.”

Beomgyu can see the hurt in Yeonjun’s eyes and feels a little bit guilty. They have been friends for almost ten years now, having known each other in art school back in college, at least before he dropped out and transferred to Seoul where they found each other again after two years and started working on the same advertising company for another year before they decided to open up their own business two years ago. Yeonjun is one of the people who has accepted who he is, welcomed him to his family (which is just him and his sister since both parents perished in a car crash when they’re in high school) and never treated him differently.

Yeonjun was there when _that_ happened and never left him. He never hides anything from the guy-well except maybe that one time. _And look where it got you?_ A voice in his head warns him and he looks back at Yeonjun with a shy smile.

“Fine. Remember that guy we found outside?”

Yeonjun frowns, “That one we took to the hospital?”

“Yeah that one. He kind of got my number from the doctor and now we’re messaging each other.”

Yeonjun’s face goes blank as he processes this information. Beomgyu can’t help but anticipate what his hyung will say-he’s almost sure he would tell him to drop it. Stop talking to the boy because you don’t know him or what he’s up to and do you remember what happened the last time this happened? Do you remember what happened? And he does.

The relationship ended two years ago, but the memories are still fresh and painful to even relive. He was doing okay already- at least until six months ago.

Yeonjun is looking at him, as if he knows what’s running through his mind. Beomgyu is not surprised. He is expecting a lot of things but definitely not the one where Yeonjun opens his hand to him and tells him, “Give it here. I’ll take one for you.”

“What?”

“Give it before I change my mind.”

“Why?”

“Why? You suck at taking selfies. And you’re our official photographer. You should be ashamed.”

Yeonjun grabs the phone and opens the camera app.

“I mean, why are you okay with this?” Beomgyu asks, “ And also, I’m a pretty good photographer! I just don’t like taking selfies.”

Yeonjun sighs, “Its progress.” He points at the corner of the window sill and Beomgyu walks towards it. Yeonjun gestures for him to sit down and he does. “Its been two years Gyu. I’ve been worried you stopped trying just because _that_ happened.”

Beomgyu blinks at him. “Put your foot up over there.” Yeonjun instructs and Beomgyu does so, moving a bit so he is slightly on his side. “Look here and smile.”

Yeonjun’s jaw is clenched when he says the last part, still remembering that day like it was just yesterday. Beomgyu does, too. The hands on his neck. The bruises, the blood, his unconscious body. The screams that followed. Then total darkness.

He shakes the shadows away and gives a smile. Yeonjun is slightly taken aback before he takes the photo, “Its been awhile since I last saw you smile like that.”

He gives the phone back to Beomgyu who looks at the photo. It’s a beautiful photo-him sitting by the window sill, one leg propped up with is elbow sitting atop his knee, face slightly facing the camera and a smile playing on his lips. He knows what Yeonjun is talking about because in the photo unlike the past ones, the smile has reached his eyes. 

“You’re good at this.”

“Nah, I just have a good subject.”

_Huh._ He looks up at Yeonjun slightly confused with what he says , but his phone vibrated again.

_Beom-hyung, I want to see you._

_This brat. So impatient._

_[image attached]._

He watches Taehyun type in a reply then stops and then types in again. “I’m going ahead now.” Yeonjun says and he looks up to say goodbye. “Can you give me an update on the staffs?”

“Don’t I always?” Yeonjun smirks with a wink. Beomgyu grins with a thumbs up. Yeonjun says, “Don’t forget to eat your lunch.”

“Yeah, thanks again.” He nods walking back to his table as he heard the door slam shut. Taehyun still hasn’t responded and Beomgyu begins opening up the lunch Yeonjun bought him- stir fried vegetables with spicy shredded pork.

Hes about to sit down for lunch when his phone buzzed to life.

_Beom-hyung is so handsome._

______

A dancer. Kang Taehyun is a dancer.

Ever since he revealed what his job is, Taehyun has been sending Beomgyu clips of himself practicing his dance moves and those videos does something with Beomgyu, making him question what is he even doing with himself.

Everyday he finds himself looking forward to those Kakaotalk messages from the boy and whenever he feels his phone buzz, his stomach does a flipflop out of pure giddiness. His team also seems to notice the change- many times he sees them giving each other side glances whenever thet catch him smiling at his phone.

_[image attached]_

_Beom-hyung, am I handsome?_

_[image attached]_

_[image attached]_

_[image attached]_

“Beomgyu hyung, the deliveries for the plants are on the way to KTH Studio.” Another junior, is on his way back from buying coffee for the rest of the team.

They are at KTH studio, already putting the final touches on the seven dance rooms of the studio. He places his phone on his makeshift desk, just beside his laptop and nods at the junior in acknowledgement. He gets the coffee he is offered and mumbles a thanks, “I better start the mural in front.”

“You need any help?” Yeonjun asks, wiping sweat from his brow. They just finished installing the curtains and carpets in one room and he and the other two juniors are currently resting on the floor. Beomgyu shakes his head, “No, I’ll be fine. Hueningkai has already primed the wall for me two days ago.”

He passes the said junior and ruffles his hair before going to the front of the studio. Manila paper is still covering the huge windows but there are already a few tears here and there which lets a bit of sunlight come in. Not enough light though, so Beomgyu opens his floodlight and focuses it on the empty white wall.

He feels an excitement rush through him as he stared at the blank canvas in front of him, rising at 3x3 meters. This is the reason why he took the project. Interior design is something both he and Yeonjun are good at, but his real passion is in painting and creating murals. Putting his imagination into actual art, sharing it to other people and wondering if they can feel the emotions he is feeling now whenever they look at it. Its what he’s living for.

His paint buckets and brushes are arranged neatly on the floor, his ladder already set up and ready to be used and he knows he has to thank Minhee for that. That kid has really good attention to details.

He takes off his green hoodie preferring to handle paint with his black undershirt. He pulls up his bangs from his face with a few hair clips he bought with him, rolls his worn-out jeans and starts off work by mixing the paint to his desired colours.

In his bare clothes, and only the glass protecting him from the winter cold, he is thankful that at least the heater is on and he won’t freeze his fingers as he works. He takes out his iPad, measuring tape, pencil and gaffer tape to start mapping out the colour blocks for his mural.

Unlike other artists, Beomgyu likes to work on his murals without music-letting the sound of the street lull him into an almost hypnotic state of calm. He works diligently and efficiently, painting up the color blocks he made with meticulous care as the sound of traffic outside and of people chatting away is carried inside his space, creating a beautiful background noise.

There are times he hates the loudness of the city-but there are times such as this when he just revels in it. It’s the sound of life. Its proof that he's still alive and the world is still moving. Sometimes, he can dance to this rhythm, and sometimes he's off beat. Doesn’t matter because he loves it anyway.

He notes a few times when the juniors would pass by the room either to check on him or bring him what he thinks is food. But they do not talk or attempt at making conversation. Probably Yeonjun’s doing-that guy has briefed most of their staff about how he always prefers to get lost in his work and only a few people are allowed to ease him back to reality. Yeonjun, being one of them.

Hes lost in the forest of blue and green hues when he sees Yeonjun finally enter his space. The guy stands in the corner, waiting for him to notice and when he gives him something like a side glance, Beomgyu knows the magic is over. He doesn’t know how much time has passed by but when he looked, it was already dark outside.

Yeonjun, as if reading his thoughts, supplies in a small voice, “It's already seven thirty.”

Beomgyu goes down from his high and suddenly feels the exhaustion wash over him. He holds himself up on the stairs of the metal ladder, “I was working all day?”

“Yeah,” Yeonjun eyes the untouched trays of food on the single table of the room, “And you didn’t take a break.” He says, walking towards Beomgyu, holding up a thermos.

Beomgyu takes it gratefully and drinks gulps of water, realizing how thirsty he was. Yeonjun chooses not to comment on it, already used to his _artistic faults_ , as he calls it. Instead he checks the walls and nods in approval, “These colours look great.”

“Yeah?” Beomgyu sits on the stool next to the table and finally decides to eat some decent food. The stir fried pork is cold but he is famished and has really no time to be picky at all.

“Your phone has also been busy, by the way.” Yeonjun says as he eats. Beomgyu remembers instantly and scrambles inside his desk, surprising the juniors who are about to go home. He remembers himself and gives them proper goodbyes.

He has at least twenty messages and two missed calls. All of them from Taehyun. he feels his face heat up as he unlocks his phone.

_Beom-hyung, you don’t think I’m handsome?_

_Oh, maybe youre at work. Sorry for messaging you. I also have a rehearsal today so I’ll message you after._

_[image attached]_

_My manager gave me this custard pudding. Its my first time having it and its so sweet. Do you like pudding, Beom-hyung?_

_Right, you’re still probably working. Rehearsals will start soon so message after? Don’t forget to eat lunch. You’re too thin._

-4:05 PM-

_Rehearsals are over! I’m so tired but our group wants to go out and have drinks._

_[video sent]_

_Check out our new dance. Its called perfume dance lol. I choreographed it._

_Beom-hyung are you still busy?_

-6:32 PM-

_Beom-hyung, you still busy?_

_Is it okay if we talk? I mean…_

_I want to hear how you sound like._

-6:39 PM-

_One missed call from Kang Taehyun._

-6:42 PM-

_One missed call from Kang Taehyun._

-6:54 PM-

_Beom-hyung are you still at work? Or are you really avoiding me?_

_Do you not like talking to me?_

_Am I annoying you?_

_I’m sorry Beomie-hyung, just…_

Beomgyu cant help but smile at how adorable he is. He’s such a kid, he thinks fondly before typing in a reply.

_Still at work. Didn’t expect you to go clingy on me just because I got busy._

It only takes a few seconds before his phone is ringing and the name Kang Taehyun flashes on the screen. He looks at it, heart in his throat and a rush of excitement flooding in his body. He swipes the screen to answer the call, holding his breath. He hears a voice on the other end of the phone saying:

“Beom-hyung.”

And just that single phrase, he feels his heart soar. Which is pathetic really, because Kang Taehyun’s voice is nothing out of the ordinary granted it sounds unexpectedly deeper than he expects, judging from the selfies he had been sending him, but he doesn’t understand why there is a jungle inside his stomach now just by hearing him on the phone.

He opens his mouth to say Taehyun-sshi and try if the words he had typed for a hundred times now actually rolls out better in his tongue.

“Taehyun-sshi….” Then his phone dies.

______

_I told you, my phone ran out of juice._

_Right. You just hung up on me._

_Don’t be stupid, Taehyun-sshi._

_Its really a pity because I have a sexy phone voice._

_Where do you bide your ego in such a small body?_

_Can I call you?_

_My phone is still charging._

_Or you just don’t really want to talk?_

_Taehyun-sshi, how about I call you tomorrow morning instead?_

_Are you not busy tomorrow?_

_I am, but I’ll be free in the morning. I have to make sure the first base of paint in my mural is dry so I’ll drive by and meet with one of our clients tomorrow morning instead._ _So, you’re not really free?_

_Okay! Call me then. I’ll make sure I go find a good signal tomorrow._

_Good signal? Why? Are you not currently in Seoul?_

_No. I'm in a location shoot here in Busan. But I’ll be fine. Sometimes the signal here is bad._

_Location shoot? What for? I thought you were a dancer?_

_I also act sometimes, Beom-hyung. Anyway, the director’s calling us so I’ll go ahead now._

_Call me tomorrow._

_Good night, Beom-hyung._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm so sorry I couldn't upload this chapter because our area saw the worst super cyclone of the century and all our wifi were down. I got wifi today so here I am, with chapter 2!
> 
> I LOVE THE NEW ALBUM SO MUCH LIKE I CANNOT EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVE ETERNITY. I absolutely cannot choose my favorite song, bit eternally slaps so hard.  
> Tell me, which songs from the dream chapter eternity are your favorites?


	3. Phonecalls And Meet-up Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Or the chapter where they finally talk and Choi beomgyu wonders if Kang Taehyun is asking him on a date.

The meeting with the client went well—their team will renovate the interior of a small teahouse called _Haedabang,_ in Ansan-si to upgrade its clientele. It’s at least a two hour drive from Seoul and Beomgyu had almost refused the project, because after computing the cost of the project and the resources they will need in transporting and the manpower… plus more, it really is not worth it.

Except the client said that he would be willing to pay any amount for them to get the project done-- that they were highly recommended by another client he doesn’t want to reveal. Beomgyu had consulted this with Yeonjun and the guy simply said that they are still a small company and needed all the projects they could get… also, they needed the money to get a new office and to hire more people.

Beomgyu doesn’t regret it anyway when he met the owner, Jeon Suyeon. She is a sweet old lady who tells him about how it’s really just his grandson who wants to fix up her old teahouse. She doesn’t really mind how other restaurants and cafés are getting more customers because for her, this is just something she’d like to do because it has always been her life. She has a garden at the back where she grows her plants, collects the tea leaves and dries them to her standard.

Besides, she has her loyal customers who doesn’t care if the interior of her teahouse is falling apart. He couldn’t agree more. Her _Lan Han Guo_ tea recipe is just amazing and when Beomgyu asked her what she put in it, she basically gave him a toothy grin that accentuated the beautiful wrinkles on her face and told him _‘It’s a secret.’_

He spent a good amount of his morning not just measuring spaces and taking photos of the place, but also just talking to the old woman. She has so many stories to tell, despite the slur on her speech which she also said happened when she suffered a minor stroke last year. It’s already almost lunch when Beomgyu left him with the promise of coming back. She packed him some mahua for the road before he left. Right at that moment, he knows he has fallen in love with her and will probably do this job even if his grandson didn’t pay enough.

She reminds him so much of his late grandmother—probably the only person who has loved him and accepted him even before he came out to his family. His grandmother took him in for a few months before his father found out and kicked him out, _again._

The memories bring a bitter taste in his mouth he knows he can never wash it out with any sort of tea. Rejection is foul, but rejection from your own family is just the worst. Sometimes, he wishes he is not the way he is. Maybe, life would have been easier.

_No use thinking about that now._ He goes back to where he parked Yeonjun’s pickup, because that guy is just a sweetheart and decides to look for someplace first to have lunch. He is about to start the engine of the truck when his phone buzzed

~ _You said you’d call._

Beomgyu chuckles. He’s late for only ten minutes since the conversation with Jeon suyeon has dragged on for a while, but Taehyun is already mopey. _It’s cute._

He picks up his phone, stills his heart and presses call. Taehyun answers on the third ring.

“Beom-hyung!” The excitement in his voice lifts Beomgyu's spirits up and in that one phrase, he finds himself smiling.

“Taehyun-sshi.” He says and he swears he heard Taehyun let out a breath he had been holding. _Is he also nervous?_

“Beom-hyung.”

“Taehyun-sshi.”

“Beom-hyung.” 

Beomgyu chuckles, “Is that all we’re going to say?”

A pause, “No. I’m… I’m just happy to hear your voice finally.”

“You’re going soft on me, Taehyun-sshi.” He teases but his ears are heating up.

“...” 

“Have you eaten lunch?”

“We had an early lunch… our meals don’t usually follow a correct schedule when we’re shooting. We just eat when we’re free.” 

“Oh…” Beomgyu nods, “Now that you mentioned it, how come you never told me you’re also acting?”

“Ah, well...It’s not something I always do. It’s just a project I had to do.” 

“Wow Taehyun-sshi is super talented.”

“Speak for yourself, Beom-hyung. I’ve seen your works and my puny self could never compare.” 

“Who are you and what have you done to Kang Taehyun?”

A chuckle comes from the other line and Beomgyu can’t help but smile wider. The breathy laugh is both playful, awkward and beautiful. He wants to hear more of it—wants to see how that expression sits on Taehyun's perfectly sculptured, cold, stoic face. Yes, even with the selfies he sends Beomgyu, he was almost bound to think that the guy has emotional depth of a teaspoon. Knowing he can laugh and smile is actually quite nice.

“What’s nice, Beom-hyung?”

_Huh?_ Did he say it out loud?

“Nothing… just…”

“Just what?”

“Just knowing you have another range of emotions apart from your usual angry just plain indifferent glare.” 

“...I’m not always like that.”

“The selfies you send sure look that way.”

“Well, I couldn’t compare to the beauty of Beom-hyung's smile, anyway. But okay, I’ll send more selfies of me smiling.”

Beomgyu’s face heats up. _How this kid can say embarrassing stuff like they’re not at all embarrassing is a real mystery_. “Hey! I didn’t say that. Also, why do you even send me a lot? My phone memory is suffering.”

“Maybe hyung should just buy a new phone. I look more handsome in HD.” 

“There he is. Welcome back, Taehyun-sshi.” He laughs. 

Their banters go on for another thirty minutes or so and just ends when Kang Taehyun tells him the director is already calling them. 

“We should meet sometime when I get back.” Taehyun says, “Maybe some lunch or dinner?”

“Why?” Beomgyu will be lying if he says he doesn’t want to or that the proposition just makes his heart flutter. _Because surely, Taehyun didn’t just ask him on a date, did he?_

“I still owe you for saving my life.” 

“Oh that…” He has a point and it’s not a date. More of a thank you lunch. For a moment, his mood dampens but he shakes the feeling away and smiles softly, “You don’t have to do that.” 

“Why not?” He can hear the pout in Taehyun's voice and he just wants to see it. 

“I’ll be back in Seoul next week. We can go out Wednesday night. It’s going to be fun. Besides I’m a great company.” 

It’s only Saturday today. He’ll be working on the mural later and as agreed, nobody will work tomorrow—but if he has to leave early on Wednesday, then maybe he’ll just need to work some more on it tomorrow. Yeonjun hyung doesn’t have to know. 

“Hyung?”

Beomgyu quickly opens his calendar and says, “Alright. I’ll free my schedule.”

______

He feels dead.

Working non-stop for three days in a row on a mural drains him of energy and creative juices. But he’ll be damned if he says he didn’t enjoy every last bit of it.

It’s Wednesday afternoon and he is adding the finishing touches to the lobby mural. He is on the process of stippling dots into a blue radial pattern that looks like ripples of water when he hears a whistle behind him. It’s Yeonjun who is looking at the mural, very impressed, “You’ve outdone yourself, Choi beomgyu.”

Beomgyu grins at him, taking a step back to admire his work. It’s an abstract mural… shades of blue, green and purple and yellow dots creating what looked like rhythmic flows of music fading in and out of the black background. From afar, it looks like the dots are moving, the whole piece alive and dancing under the light… but when you go nearer, you see the intricacy of the details, the pattern Beomgyu is trying to create—the inspiration is the music of the city, the noise of the people. All the things he heard whilst making the mural, he put into it.

It’s life incarnate. 

The staff, upon hearing Yeonjun's praises, start pouring in the room to admire his work as well. They are in the middle of congratulating him, shaking his paint-stained hands and patting his shoulder when his phone rings.

He looks over to Yeonjun who is aware of where he’s going tonight and gives him a nod. He excuses himself to answer the call. 

“Taehyun-sshi.”

“Hyung, hi.” There is lull in Taehyun's voice, unlike the other times they have called each other… and _god, they had_. A lot more times than necessary, if Beomgyu is being honest. Taehyun is a chatterbox. He will call Beomgyu on random times of the day during his break and Beomgyu would be so eager to answer his call.

He even managed to do so during the times he is working on his mural. He doesn’t know why, but he doesn’t mind Taehyun crashing his way into his space even during his _artistic faults_. He kind of likes it, Taehyun would call him and remind him to eat his lunch or grab a snack or drink some water. It kind of makes him feel like, Taehyun is a lot older than he really is, or maybe he just really sucks at taking care of himself. 

“About that dinner…” Taehyun says, voice filled with guilt. Beomgyu’s heart sinks. _Oh no, he’s about to cancel. I knew it._

“My flight’s been delayed so I might not make it to a proper dinner.” Taehyun says.

Beomgyu can feel his eyes itch and his throat tightening but he refuses to acknowledge how that’s one of the telltale signs he’s about to cry. “I guess that can’t be helped.” He says, schooling his voice to sound less disappointed than he really is.

Taehyun is silent on the other line and he can hear the sound of people talking, an announcement in the background which meant he’s in the airport. “But if you’re up to a midnight snack, we can still meet up.” 

_Oh._ Beomgyu hates how his mood instantly brightens at the proposition. _Damn, why is he being so emotional?_ He knows why, though. Everytime he finishes an artwork, his emotions are always on a high. It’s like an extra piece of himself is left in the artwork and he’s left with an empty space that needed filling. Sometimes, it’s the ugly ones that fill it up. 

“Are you sure you won’t be too tired for that?” He still asks because no matter what he wants, he’s still older than Taehyun and he has to be the sensible one.

“For hyung? Never.”

“Taehyun-sshi, you don’t have to force yourself. We can meet some other time.”

“I want to meet hyung tonight.”

Beomgyu sighs, he’s not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. One one side, he is thankful that he’s not the only one looking forward to this meetup, but on another--the more logical part of himself is just worried. 

“Besides I might have to fly again tomorrow so I don’t really have the time.” Taehyun adds to convince him. Beomgyu feels bad immediately for even thinking of turning him down. _How dare he?_

“Taehyun-sshi is so busy.” Beomgyu says, smile already in place. He knows he will eventually give in. Kang Taehyun is too hard to reject anyway. “Alright. We can meet in my studio. I’ll send you the address.”

“I have it already.” Taehyun answers almost immediately, voice perking up. 

“What? How?” 

“You wrote it in the emergency contact, remember?” 

“Oh, right…” 

Taehyun then dictates to him the correct address of his studio and he confirms it. “Alright, I’ll see you later.”

“I’ll see you Taehyun. Have a safe flight.” Then as an afterthought, he adds. “Don’t pass out on my mailbox again.”

“Hyung!!!”

He cuts the line before the other guy can even say any smart retort because he always will.

Yeonjun saunters in, just when he’s pocketing his phone. He gives Beomgyu a knowing look before he says, “Take the day off.”

Beomgyu frowns, “What are you even suggesting? It’s just a dinner. I won’t--” 

Yeonjun rolls his eyes, “What? You think I won’t know you were here all day Sunday?” 

Beomgyu gapes at him… before he sighs defeatedly, of course, he really can’t hide anything from him. He opens his mouth to protest, besides he still needs to put acrylic over the mural and there are other deliveries he has to take care of tomorrow but Yeonjun raises his hand, “I’ll do it. You gotta trust me more, you know.” 

Beomgyu finally agrees with him, but not before telling him in detail the process Yeonjun already knows. With that, he calls it a day and leaves with a good luck from the rest of the crew.

_____

~ _Beomgyu-sshi. I just got back from China. I saw the photos of the mural you painted and it was beautiful. I sent it to my boss and he loved it. He’ll try to drop by tomorrow morning to check on it. But congratulations anyway!_

_~ Taehyung hyung, that’s great. I’m afraid I’m on break tomorrow so I won’t be there. But my staff and Yeonjun hyung will be there. If the client has serious concerns though, we can meet the next day._

_~ It’s fine, Beomgyu-sshi. My client is very busy. He has a flight back to Korea at noon and will be back next week. But he told me he’s already in love with your mural. He’s also asking if you can design a new logo for the studio. He finds the current logo’s theme not fitting on the mural you painted._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Third chapter here we go!  
> This chapter took me a lot to write since I was debating whether to make them meet right now or a bit later, but I came to the conclusion to let them meet in the next chapter. Date coming soon!  
> Feel free to add comments about anything, I love to read comments.   
> Bye! ❤️


	4. On Midnight Dates and Surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beomgyu finally gets to know who Kang Taehyun is. And they finally go to the midnight date they planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Fourth chapter, here we go! It took me three days to write this chapter, it's BIG.  
> Congratulations for TXT getting two wins for CYSM!

Beomgyu can’t really concentrate. He probably combed his hair a few more times than what’s acceptable and kept looking at his reflections in the mirror. He is wearing what he thinks is decent enough- grey turtleneck under a black lapel wool trench coat, black jeans that emphasized his long legs and casual black leather boots.

Yeonjun and his staff actually complimented him when they saw him before they left. Telling him good luck on his _date_ even if this is not a date. He is just meeting a friend for the first time.

Its already past eleven and based on their last conversation, Taehyun’s plane landed half an hour ago so he’d be arriving anytime soon. Since the reservation at the restaurant they previously chose had to be cancelled, they agreed to just look for a place that is open 24/7, this is quite easy anyway, considering Seoul doesn’t technically sleep.

To better pass the time that fiddling with his fingers, Beomgyu begins looking for places to eat on his phone when he hears a motorcycle engine running and coming to a stop right outside the studio. He wonders if there’s a late-night delivery Yeonjun hasn’t told him about.

He hears the doorbell and almost jumps in his seat. _It can’t be Taehyun. The guy never mentioned a motorcycle or…._

But when he opens the door, it reveals the man who has constantly occupied his waking days and thoughts for almost a month now. He doesn’t look that different from when Beomgyu saw him _(in a selfie prior to his flight, with Taehyun saying ‘prepare to see my handsome face’)._ A simple black undershirt with a black bomber jacket, ripped blue jeans, his dark hair a bit messy from wearing the helmet he is now carrying.

Beomgyu feels extremely overdressed even if he’s sure any article of clothing on Taehyun is double the price of his entire look.

It doesn’t matter because Taehyun is looking at him with the same intensity he has from those selfies he sent…. _Okay, maybe not really._ This is definitely ten times better because this is live. Taehyun is not looking at the lens of the camera but at him.

He can actually melt under that piercing gaze.

Then he smiles, “Beomgyu-hyung.” And Beomgyu feels the urge to close his eyes from the brightness of the single smile. In a split second he looks like his age- boyish charm from that playful, toothy grin. He has the kind of smile which makes you think of a little squirrel, cute and adorable and makes you want to say _aww._

It makes him feel warm inside. At least until a cold winter breeze blew and he sees Taehyun visibly shiver. “Come in quick.” He says opening the door leading the younger man inside the studio.

Taehyun combs his hair back with his fingers, the action sends butterflies to the other’s stomach, before he places his helmet on one of the tidier tables free of clutter.

“Why are you not wearing a thicker coat? Its cold outside.” Beomgyu asks, not looking at him. Without even asking, he moves to prepare some tea for the guy, thankful that there’s something to do to distract him. Or else, he’d be standing there, staring stupidly at this irritatingly good-looking kid.

“I wanted to get here faster so I didn’t have time to change,” Taehyun says. Beomgyu can feel the guy looking at him, watching his every move. He feels a bit self-conscious, but what can he do? He makes a resolution not to be intimidated by the man _(and his good looks)_ and decides to just get over his nerves. But then Taehyun is already a few steps from him, grabbing him by the wrist.

“Hyung.” Taehyun says softly, “Can you stop moving for a while?”

They are now face to face and Beomgyu feels his resolve melt away under Taehyun’s scrutiny. The heat that has started at the pits of his stomach begins crawling to his body from where Taehyun is touching him and he wants to see and understand what could the other guy be thinking.

“You got thinner.” Taehyun notes, not with judgement but more of an observation.

“Ah, I got a bit busy from the last time you saw me.” _Which is really just the photo Yeonjun took of him._

He manages to look at Taehyun who is now worrying his lower lip and Beomgyu wants to kick himself for staring too long at those berry lips. _Hmmmm…._ “You’re still wearing makeup.”

He notices the brown eyeliner that frames those cold eyes and a hint of some red tint on those lips he had been biting on which Beomgyu figures is really just out of habit.

Taehyun lets him go and rubs his eyes. “Yeah, I told you. I was in a hurry.”

“Hey, don’t rub your eyes like that,” its his turn to grab Taehyun’s wrist and pull his hands away, “I think I have something we can use to remove that.” Taehyun gives him a pout but concedes.

“You want some tea first?”

“Can’t say no to hyung who already troubled himself just to make it.”

“Ha ha. Very funny.” Beomgyu rolls his eyes as he pours down the tea into two identical mugs. He gives one to Taehyun who accepts it and warms his hand against the ceramic.

They drink the tea in silence and before it becomes awkward, again, Beomgyu asks, “Have you had dinner?”

Taehyun shakes his head. “Why would you ask that? _We’re supposed to have dinner.”_ Then in a suspicious voice, he asks, “Did you already have dinner?”

Beomgyu winces in guilt, “Yeah I did. I’m sorry but I got hungry and besides, you mentioned we can just eat some snacks together….”

Its too late to see Taehyun grinning at him, “It’s a trick question. I’m actually happy you ate beforehand. I don’t want you starve yourself just to fulfil a promise to me.”

Beomgyu manages to look affronted, “Who says I’ll starve myself for you?”

“I’m already saying I’d rather you not.”

“Where do you really get that confidence? I mean, seriously? Are you even human?”

Said man is just snickering at him and Beomgyu finds himself returning the smile.

“You look great, by the way.”

“Huh?” Beomgyu wants to tell him, _have you looked at yourself in the mirror?_ But he lets the compliment sit in their silence. He doesn’t know what they’re doing or why Taehyun is even here in his studio, drinking his tea. Its all surreal, honestly and his nerves are slowly getting the best of him.

Beomgyu tries to avoid Taehyun’s eyes and it somehow falls on the helmet by the table. “You didn’t tell me you’re into motorcycles.”

Taehyun cocks his head to the side. “Huh, I guess I didn’t.”

“You don’t tell me a lot of things.” He didn’t mean the accusatory tone in his voice and he immediately regret this when he say Taehyun’s eye widen, “Hyun, I didn’t mean to…”

“Its okay, really.” He counters, “Its part of your charm I guess?”

The other guy blinks at him in equal surprise. Beomgyu hates the way Taehyun’s mouth twists in a triumphant smile, “You think I’m charming?”

Beomgyu will never let him win this. “Yes, like a puppy.”

Taehyun slaps his arm in retaliation and he yelps in surprise, “Ow! Ow! Wow! We just met and you’re already like this!” He says but he’s laughing while rubbing the offended arm.

“Stop bullying me then!”

“Be kinder, Kang Taehyun. I always tell you to be kinder every day.” Beomgyu says, still smiling.

“I rarely ride my motorcycle nowadays.” Taehyun says sadly.

“Too busy?”

He nods, “But I do race sometimes. If my schedule allows it.”

“Oh wow. You also race? So, you dance and sing and act and race? Such a cool guy, Taehyun-sshi!”

A blush tints Taehyun’s face and it’s a beautiful sight.

“Seriously, what can you not do?”

“My talents do not compare to your artistic prowess, hyung.”

“Don’t patronize me. I’m nothing compared to you.”

“Hyung has the most beautiful smile ever so I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Beomgyu blanks out and the gleeful smile on Taehyun’s face says he already won. “You!” This time, its him who hits the youngster in the arm. It does nothing- just made Taehyun chuckle. And _damn it_ he’s also smiling himself.

When the two of them calmed down, Taehyun is the first one to bring up the topic of food, “I’m hungry hyung. Let’s go eat somewhere.”

He hums in response, “There are lots of restaurants open at this hour nearby. Do you want to- “

“That’s boring. Let’s go somewhere else. I know a place.”

Beomgyu eyes him curiously, “And how do you propose to go there?”

“I have my motorcycle.” He says proudly.

“Uh, no. I don’t think so.”

“Why not?”

“I have never ridden one simply because…”, he trails off, definitely not going to admit because he’s scared. “Besides, I don’t have an extra helmet lying around here.”

“I bought an extra.” Taehyun supplies, “And you don’t have to be afraid. I’m a pro. You’d be safe with me.”

Beomgyu wants to say no. but the glint in Taehyun’s eyes has long convinced him. _Damn this kid will be the death of me. He can basically ask me to do anything with just those eyes._

 _You’d be safe with me._ Those words hold so much promise. And Beomgyu knows he’s already agreed even before he says yes.  
____

His legs feel like jelly when they touch solid ground again and he has to hold on to the parked motorcycle for balance.

He feels like throwing up. The thirty minutes they rode Taehyun’s motorcycle, his entire world became a combination of blurred lights, cold wind battering their bodies, distant sound of cars and the loud rubble of the engine. At the beginning of the ride, Taehyun told him exactly what to do- _wrap your legs securely on the body of the motorcycle and grab on to my waist._ The rules are simple and he did everything he said…still doesn’t make the entire ride easier.

“Hyung, are you okay?”

He is thinking of a nicer way to admit _I’m about to vomit out my entire existence_ but can’t find his words. So, he settles for “Yeah, I’m just….”, he doesn’t finish the sentence as he looks at where they are.

It’s a quaint, lonely ramen shop in the middle of nowhere and Beomgyu almost resents Taehyun for making him endure thirty minutes of danger just for a ramen shop- hundreds of which are littering the streets of Seoul.

Until Taehyun says, “It’s my favourite ramen house.” He takes the helmet from Beomgyu and straps both to his motorcycle before leading the way inside.

The two-storey establishment looks like a typical ramen shop with Japanese paper lanterns lighting up the wooden slats that build up the wall, illuminating the place in a warm glow. Its really not an outstanding design, but it does give the place a feeling of home.

Inside the shop, the heavy smell of pork fills the air. The walls are designed with posters and chalk signages of special ramen promos and new specials. It’s a bit chaotic, but it only makes the place more charming.

There’s a staircase at the far end of the room, near the kitchen leading the second floor which he assumes is the residence of the owner of the shop. Right beside that is a wall filled with polaroid photos of people with their signatures and well wishes for the owner. There are probably a hundred photos posted on that which is impressive, to be honest.

There are at least three tables inside and a bar with four stools right at the corner- all unoccupied, probably because of the late hour. Beomgyu is actually surprised the place is actually open considering its nowhere near any business district.

“Ah, Taehyun-ah! Long time no see!” the man behind the bar calls them at the moment the door opens. He is an old Japanese man with soft eyes and a warm smile. His face brightens up when he sees Taehyun.

“Ikeda-san.” Taehyun says bowing his head low, “Thank you for accommodating my request at such a late hour.”

“Its no problem,” Ikeda says who instead ruffles Taehyun’s hair which surprises Beomgyu at the very familiar action. “I rarely see you nowadays, I was afraid you already forgot us.”

Taehyun looks alarmed, “Never!” he turns to Beomgyu, who is just watching them fondly. He gestures at him, “Ikeda-san, this is my hyung, Beomgyu- hyung. Hyung, this is Ikeda Saito, he is the owner of this ramen shop. And they have the best Shoyu ramen in Seoul.”

Ikeda beams at Taehyun’s words, obviously proud at Taehyun’s recommendation. Beomgyu bows his head as well, mimicking Taehyun earlier. The man nods at him politely before he gives Taehyun a meaningful look.

“You’ll order the usual, yeah?” he asks.

“Yup.”

“And for your friend?”

Taehyun turns to Beomgyu and the latter shrugs, “Whatever he’s having.”

The man nods and excuses himself to prepare their order. Taehyun leads them to the table farthest away from the entrance for a bit of privacy.

“So, is this shop typically open at this hour?” He asks, sliding into the surprisingly comfortable seat. He has a suspicion of the answer but he wants to confirm it anyway.

“No.” Taehyun responds, grinning at him. He has somehow procured a few glasses of Cass beer and offers one to him. Beomgyu takes it and drinks straight from the bottle, enjoying the crisp, sweet flavour of the liquid. “You must be one of its loyal customers to have them open at this hour.”

Taehyun shrugs, “Been eating here since a kid.”

Beomgyu almost chokes on his beer- that answer surely is not what he expected. For Taehyun to bring him to a place he has known since he was a child….he isn’t sure what inspired Taehyun to do such and does he even realize how much this means to Beomgyu?

_Or maybe he doesn’t. maybe he does this to all his friends._

The cloud of doubt is heavy in his heart as he takes another swig of his beer. Taehyun is frowning at him, “Don’t you like it here?”

“Oh, no.” He says, shaking his head. “I just…”

“It’s the only private place I know that is open.”

“Why do you need somewhere private?”

Just then footsteps can be heard going downstairs followed by a female voice, “Is he here yet? Ojisan is he here yet?”

Beomgyu looks back at the stairs which is right across the table. He sees a girl probably around high school age, wearing cute bunny pyjamas rushing down the stairs. She stops when she sees them- or _Taehyun_ in particular and squeals in delight before rushing back up to hide upstairs.

Taehyun looks amused, Ikeda san looks embarrassed and Beomgyu is just looking at the two of them with confusion. “Forgive my granddaughter, Kairi.” Ikeda san says, serving their orders.

Beomgyu grins mischievously at Taehyun, “She seems to like you a lot.” Said guy frowns. Ikeda san pats him playfully on the shoulder before he says, “Don’t they all?”

Beomgyu wonders what he means but Taehyun just gives a nonchalant shrug so he lets it go.

_Why is this kid so damn cool?_

The smell emanating from the ramen bowl is just amazing and no matter how handsome Taehyun looks, nothing will compare to a bowl of really good ramen. He picks up his chopsticks and spoon and begins eating.

“Wow, this is amazing.”

“Right? Right?”

Ikeda-san is by the bar, already cleaning up and he smiled at them when he heard their praises.

“Your ramen is still the best, Ikeda-san. I wish I could drop by here as often as I want.”

Ikeda-san shakes his head, “You know you can’t do that. You’re far too busy to remember this old man of yours.”

“So sentimental.”

“I’m not, you kid.” He shakes his head. “Anyway, call me if you need anything else.”

They make small talk over ramen and beer and he thinks Taehyun is right- _he is a great company._ The more beer they drink, the more at ease they feel. They talk about how their week went- Beomgyu saying something about the mural he made if only he took a photo to show it to him _( Yeonjun did take a photo to send to the client but he was in such a rush he forgot to do so)_ but Taehyun said he doesn’t need the photo, he’s sure its awesome- _the best mural there ever was because hyung painted it._

Taehyun talks about his time in the mountain for his shoot, complains about the cold and how they had to stay in a freezing lake a couple of times because he and the rest of the actors just can’t get the words right. _Of course, we’re too distracted by the cold hyung! We were turning into human popsicles!_

He’s too livid to ask what they were shooting for and what his role is- Taehyun is just being vague by saying he is a part of a group of boys and his character is not that important. So, he just lets it go and laughs at his rants.

The usual banter returns somewhere between his fifth and sixth bottle of beer. The beer is making him giddy and he can’t help but laugh at every single thing that Taehyun is saying. Its been a while since he felt this way and he has to admit, he missed this. Being carefree and drinking alcohol to his heart’s content.

He is usually careful around himself but Taehyun is such a strong, protective presence that he feels he can be carefree around him. He does however have that deep, unimpressed scowl the more Beomgyu drinks until finally, he grabs the bottle he is about to drink from and takes it instead.

Beomgyu pouts, “Hey! That’s mine!”

“Hyung, I think you’ve had enough.”

Beomgyu tries to say something but it comes out garbled, and he laughs at the ridiculousness of it.

“You should probably take him home.”

Beomgyu hears a muddled voice. He’s not sure where it came from or who’s the owner of the voice but he’s too tired to turn around and check its origin. He sees Taehyun nod, “Hyung, let’s go?”

Beomgyu nods, or he thinks he does, his head swimming. “I just….” He tries to stand but his knees buckle and he loses his balance. Before he falls down, Taehyun is already there, pulling him by the arm.

“What is it?”

“I need to pee.” He says softly.

“You sure you can handle yourself?”

Beomgyu laughs, “Don’t be silly Hyun. You can go out now and I’ll follow you after.”

He manages to find his way to the comfort room and relieve himself. He’s already washing his hands when Kairi comes down from the stairs again. She sees him and proceeds anyway.

Taehyun has already gone out and Ikeda-san is already in the kitchen so only two of them is sharing the small space. Kairi is staring at him- for a teenager she’s quite a looker, Beomgyu is sure she has a lot of suitors at school- but then again, he can’t blame her for pining her on Taehyun. The guy is _dreamy_ , so to say.

“What are you to him?” She asks and it sounds like an accusation. Like Beomgyu has offended her at some point just by coming here with Taehyun.

Maybe he’s too drunk to process the question and answer correctly. Or maybe he just doesn’t know what to say. Taehyun introduced him as his hyung. But even that seems improper. _Or is he hoping for something else?_

In the end, he doesn’t give an answer. He doesn’t think he can say something that is true that would satisfy Kairi.

The girl looks at him with distaste, “Don’t try to take him from us. So many people are admiring him and would never wish to see him be embroiled in a scandal.”

Beomgyu snickers, “What are you even talking about? Too many people? Scandal? What? Is he popular or something?”

Kairi just gapes at him in shock, “Are you…kidding me?”

Beomgyu frowns at her and the girl does the same, “Do you not know who he is?”

“Kang Taehyun.” He answers stupidly earning him an incredulous sigh from the teenager. “Do you not watch TV?”

 _What does that have to do with Taehyun?_ He won’t tell this high schooler that he, in fact have any television because he hates it. “Do you even search him in Naver?”

“…..”

His lack of answers is enough for the girl to grab him by the shoulders and drag him to face the collab of photographs on the wall. Its really just photos of Ikeda-san posing with different people in different generations and its quite interesting how Ikeda-san is growing old in the photos. Some of the yellowing photos feature him as a young vibrant man posing with glammed up people. “There are my oji-san’s treasured photographs of celebrities who ate here.” Kairi says but he still doesn’t understand why the girl is showing this to him.

Already at a loss for patience, Kairi points in the middle of it.

In his alcohol infused brain, he tries to focus on where she’s pointing and frowns. There in the middle of the era where Ikeda-san is an old man posing with a group of young idols is Taehyun. Looking a bit younger that he is now, hair lower and surprisingly with a brownish hue. His smile is still blinding and he finds his breath caught at the typical beauty of this kid…but what really piqued his interest is why Taehyun’s photo is there, right in the middle of the famous idols and movie stars.

“What is he doing here?” he asks the girl whose eyes widen in disbelief before she just sighs in exasperation. “Please, just do yourself a favour and try searching up who he is.”

Before he can respond, Taehyun had already called him outside, shouting he’s _too slow_ and to hurry up.  
___

The ride back from the restaurant is not any better than the first one. But at least the liquid courage has done its part and Beomgyu is not queasy as before. Somewhere, along the ride he has been coherent enough to actually direct Taehyun to his apartment.

Its already around 2:30 when they reach his place. He is still drunk, but he is steadier on his feet and only the giddy feeling remains. He is giggling at himself and Taehyun is just watching him fondly as he traces the steps towards his apartment. Slowly and carefully.

“This is fun.” Beomgyu says grinning at the man who somehow looks ten times hotter, sitting sideways on the parked motorcycle, helmet on one hand. “Thank you for inviting me to dinner.”

“Considering the time now, I think this can be considered a very early breakfast.”

Beomgyu pauses then laughs, “Then thank you for taking me to whatever this is.”

Taehyun pauses then says, “A date.”

He stops on his tracks and stares at Taehyun. For sure he is hearing things because he _definitely did not say_ this is a date. The other man walks towards him and damn! _He is just so cool._

Taehyun chuckles, “Again, have you looked at yourself, hyung?” Too late to realize he has spoken out the compliment loud again for Taehyun to hear.

He stares wordlessly at the man even when Taehyun stops right in front of him and touches his jaw with the back of his hand, edging his fingers at the corners of his mouth. The gesture is a little too intimate and in his drunken mind, Beomgyu just wants to melt in a puddle. _How can this kid affect him so much?_

“Let’s do this again, yeah?”

He just nods, looking at Taehyun’s eyes intently when he notices the eye makeup he promised and forgot to remove earlier that night. It’s a bit smudged now, giving the illusion of a deeper set of eyes now looking at him with the level of intensity that could cut through glass. Yet, he finds it too beautiful, too out of this world.

He smiles softly, hesitantly, “Taehyun, I forgot to remove your eye makeup.” He reaches to touch the guy’s face but Taehyun holds on to his hand, yanks him close, tips his head back and kisses him fully on the lips.

And the moment just freezes at that-all the distant city noise goes quiet. The world is nothing but a gigantic blur of irrelevance except for Taehyun and the lips moving against his, the hand holding up his chin. There is electricity in those fingertips but…

Beomgyu finds himself drowning. All the pent-up nameless emotions bursting open and flooding his carefully built up wall and he wants to get lost, anyway. Because its Kang Taehyun.

_Because he makes my heart skip a beat when he smiles. Because his messages and selfies no matter how obnoxious they are, really make up a huge chunk of my day. Because he took me to the place he loved ever since he was a kid. Because the small amount of time they’ve known each other, Beomgyu already feels at ease with him. And it’s been so long…. too long since the last time it happened._

So, he starts kissing him back, anchoring himself to the guy by putting his hands on his shoulders, curling his knuckles as if he’s afraid that if he lets go, he’ll be lost in the sea forever. He feels an arm snake around his waist pulling him closer and closer until the distance between them becomes non-existent and finally, _finally_ …. Beomgyu doesn’t feel alone.

 _God, what made him this courageous to actually kiss in the middle of the streets?_ That single thought makes him pull away like he’s been burned. He looks around and even though there’s no one on the road, the panic is still evident in his eyes.

Taehyun is looking at him, brows furrowed in confusion, hands still reaching out to him. Beomgyu doesn’t say anything and a realization hits the other man and he tentatively gives him space.

“I’m sorry…”, Taehyun apologizes and Beomgyu wants to tell him its not his fault. That he pulled away not because he didn’t want this, but because they’re in public and he’s just _afraid._

But the reasons die on his lips before he can even let them out. Taehyun is standing there looking lost and it hurts to see. But Beomgyu is not ready to explain himself. He’s not ready to tell Taehyun how he’s not sure what to do with these emotions inside him, or if he is even ready to accept him. _I self-destruct and I don’t want you to be part of the collateral damage. I push people away. I hurt them and they hurt me back and then at the end, I am nothing._

So, he only gives him a small smile, “Message me when you get home, okay?”

Taehyun gives him a doubtful look but he doesn’t say anything about the obvious turmoil seen on his face and just mutters an “Okay.”

“You should go ahead now.”

Taehyun nods and goes back to retrieve his helmet. He doesn’t say anything more and Beomgyu watches him turn on the engine of his motorcycle and speed away.

Just like that, the night is over. Beomgyu takes a deep breath to steady himself before he heads back to his apartment. Something heavy sits on his chest and he wants do bad to let that feeling go. He remembers the way Taehyun looked at him…and he wants to kick himself. _Why is he always making things complicated like this? If he didn’t want it, then why did he lead him on? Did he? Or was it just the alcohol?_

But he stops these self-incriminating thoughts just before they go any further. He prepares to go to sleep even though its four in the morning. He silently thanks Yeonjun for offering to give him the day off today because his body is too tired.

When he lays down to rest, his mind keeps racing. He sighs and opens his phone to find a KakaoTalk message from Taehyun but its clipped and very formal.

_~Hyung, I just got home._

He closes the chat and browses his Naver account. He rarely opens this microblogging site and only uses if he wants to check the works of the fellow artists he’s been following. He sees an update from Yeonjun, an album of him with their staffs having BBQ in a restaurant near KTH Studio. He shakes his head, knowing their staffs probably just bribed blackmailed Yeonjun to treating them.

He’s about to put a comment to the album when he remembers something. Kairi told him back in the restaurant to search for Taehyun.

He begins typing his name on the search bar and a couple of suggested keywords come up. _Huh. Is he being searched regularly for these keywords to pop out?_

He gets his answers almost immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you guys really think they'll kiss and make up in chapter four? That's a no no. Let me warn you, this story is gonna be based on slow burn and heavy angst. So be prepared.  
> Feel free to add comments!


	5. Confronting The Present and The Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the past finally catches up to beomgyu. and they mysteriously meet the owner of the coffee shop, who also happens to be someone big.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 5 here we go! i remember i had told this book is going to have a lot of angst, so buckle up since the angst is kick starting from this chapter.  
> it is a bit longer chapter from the previous ones, i hope you guys like it!

_He’s such an idiot._ No wonder that name and face is so familiar. He is literally everywhere—the television, in radio stations, printed on covers of magazines, flashing in LED billboards and plastered on almost every subway station in Seoul. The guy is not just a _dancer_ —he’s an internationally known pop idol who can sing, dance, rap and act.

A member of a five-man Korean group called Tomorrow By Together, Kang Taehyun has been trained professionally in Korea and United states. He’s been dubbed as the _Vocal king of Korea_ and even he became a mentor in a reality TV show of their own company. He’s practically the hottest commodity in Korean advertising now with his endorsements here and there.

And here he was, thinking Taehyun is a mere backup dancer, a small freelance actor who happens to ride a motorcycle. Speaking of which, the guy also joined in some professional racing competitions and managed to bag the first prize.

He is multi-talented and _gosh, Beomgyu is just so stupid._

Just a dancer. _Just a dancer my ass._ There are people who are good at dancing and Taehyun is far beyond that. He has seen the videos—this guy is born with the moves. Like his every action has that rhythm of music nobody but him hears. No wonder he moves _that way._

He spent a good two hours just reading articles, watching photos and browsing photos of Taehyun: The Idol, feeling utterly stupid with every page. Why the hell did he never look Taehyun? And why did Taehyun never tell him who he really is? He cant believe it was even possible to be as dense as he is. The clues were right there for the taking, why didn’t he pick up from any of them?

He closes his eyes for a moment, feeling an initial onslaught of a migraine from trying to process his recent discoveries. He doesn’t know whats hurting more—his head or his heart. _That’s just great Beomgyu. The first guy you kind of liked after two years actually turned out to be super out of your league, popular celebrity._

More than that…he can’t believe he actually kissed Taehyun. _Yes, this guy on the cover of the magazine, dressed in an expensive Armani coat, glaring at the camera, face and hair styled to perfection…. was just kissing him a few hours ago on the street._ The thought of a possible scandal it would have caused if anybody saw them and taken a photo is enough to give him an anxiety attack.

In truth, Taehyun being that popular does not do him any good. Dating a guy always on the spotlight is dangerous, no wonder he wanted to go somewhere private. Looking at the articles written about him, all the dating rumours’ and speculations on who he’s currently seeing only fuels Beomgyu’s doubt on himself.

A friendship with Taehyun, let alone a relationship with him could just destroy his career….but ultimately thrust Beomgyu into something he didn’t ask for. Running away and hiding from his past life should never involve being embroiled in a scandal with a celebrity.

Beomgyu takes a deep breath to calm his nerves. He should be mad at Taehyun. Anger is an easier emotion to deal with. He can be mad and stop all of these in an instant. He can block his number and move on with his life. So why isn’t he?

_Right,_ because he hasn’t been necessarily truthful as well with the guy. He hasn’t told him about his past and has been selective in the information he reveals with him. Still, it doesn’t mean he wont retaliate by throwing fact that he already knows who he is to his face.

He opens his KakaoTalk to send a message to the said man of the hour.

~ _[link]_

~ _[link]_

~ _[link]_

~ _[link]_

~ _Who are you, really?_

Taehyun does not respond to that and he figures the guy must be asleep. He should be too, if not for the adrenaline pumping in his system right now.

That night, Beomgyu fell asleep with thoughts of a man with a sharp jaw, big dark eyes and full lips.   
_____

Beomgyu wakes up with a terrible headache and the wild, incessant buzz of his doorbell. He doesn’t know which came first but what he’s sure of is he will kill whoever is at hid doorway.

Turns out, he wont even be able to try because when he opens it, it reveals a slightly dishevelled Taehyun, wearing a black and white striped shirt, grey jogger pants black Converse. A grey ballcap and white facemask is slightly covering his face from the public, but its quite useless with Beomgyu who knows exactly what he looks like.

“Taehyun? I thought you had an early meeting?” Taehyun enters his apartment uninvited and he thinks its just _too early_ for this spontaneity. “And how the hell did you find out which apartment is mine?”

“I skipped the meeting. And the grandma downstairs told me which one’s yours.” Taehyun says, removing his cap and mask, running his hand through his hair in an attempt to fix it before he turns to Beomgyu, “I want to explain everything to you.”

Beomgyu merely gives him a confused look. _Explain what?_ What could be so urgent that Taehyun feels it necessary to drop by uninvited to his place? Taehyun notices his reaction and frowns, equally confused, “You were not responding to me.”

“Huh?”

“My messages.”

“Messages?”

“In KakaoTalk. I was even trying to call you but you were not answering.”

Beomgyu goes to retrieve his phone and true enough, there are like twenty-five missed calls and around forty unread messages. He turns to Taehyun, frowning, “I was still…. sleeping.”

“Oh.” It finally dawns on Taehyun’s face and he simply says, “So you’re not really ignoring me?”

If its not for the pressing hangover, Beomgyu would have doubled over in laughter. Instead, he gives Taehyun an amused smirk, ignoring the voice in his head that is saying _this kid cancelled a meeting only because he thinks I’m ignoring him. Gosh, he’s totally done for._

"Taehyun,” Beomgyu says and Taehyun turns to him, looking like a deer in the headlights. “What are you really doing here?”

“I….”, He seems lost for words and Beomgyu expects him to apologize. Though, in all honesty, there’s nothing to forgive because its also his damn fault for not asking the right questions or even doing the research himself. Taehyun probably thought he will find soon enough since he’s literally _everywhere,_ only he underestimated how much of a hermit Beomgyu is. _Almost a month, it took him almost a month to realize who Taehyun is. How lame is that?_

He’s about to say its okay, Taehyun, when Taehyun, in a shaky, unsure voice blurts out, “….like you.”

_Wait what? WHAT?_ That didn’t sound like an apology. Or maybe he heard him wrong because Taehyun definitely did not say---

“I like you, hyung.” Taehyun repeats, voice a little less shaky than the first one.

_Okay_ …..this is definitely not what he was expecting to hear from the guy. This conversation should have gone differently. Taehyun explaining why he did not tell him who he is and not him confessing his feelings so carelessly like this. _Gosh, whatever happened to 'I want to explain everything to you’?_

Still, something tugs at Beomgyu’s heart. Something he has never felt for a very long time. Taehyun is looking at him with eyes filled with sincerity, they are almost glowing. If only Beomgyu can capture this moment in the four corners of a photograph—Taehyun looking so beautiful in his natural, raw state. Void of any makeup or styling, just those intense eyes.

And Beomgyu thinks how much it hurts. Because he’s sure its just a fluke. Because he’s not sure if he can look at Taehyun the same way he does; _open, unabashed, no secrets hiding._ For a little while, he lets himself envy the kid. He’s too innocent and pure, the world hasn’t hurt him the way the world did to him and Beomgyu is afraid he would be the one to steal that away from him.

The last time he had looked at a person with the same eyes Taehyun is giving him, he ended up in an abusive relationship for almost two years. And the wounds may have healed, but the pain is still there. He thought he was okay and for a while, he really was. The nightmares had stopped coming…...at least until six months ago.

Taehyun, totally oblivious to his inner turmoil, just keeps on talking, “I should have said this last night when I kissed you. But you…. I’m not sure why. Its just that I noticed that you were biting your lower lip and I wanted to…. And then you gave me a smile and its just so beautiful and maybe I sort of blacked out or something or just…. I’m sorry I kissed you without your permission. I mean….”

“Taehyun.” Beomgyu says, cutting him off. He grabs both of Taehyun’s hands and realizes he’s shaking from his nerves. Beomgyu wants to tell him he doesn’t need to apologize; that if there’s one person her who should apologize, it should be him. Because no matter how much he wants to throw the same phrase at him, to open his heart and tell him to take it… _take it because its been a while since I’ve felt so confused and afraid and still unwilling to let a person go. And if I would want to take a chance with someone, I’d rather take a chance with you._ He doesn’t.

Taehyun doesn’t even need to hear him. He understands immediately…. From the way Beomgyu folds his hands to cup his…. Its too gentle. Like he was gearing up to break his heart or something similar.

“That kiss…” Beomgyu takes a deep breath. “It was just a fluke. We both had drinks and…”

“I wasn’t drunk.”

“But I was! And I just got carried away.” Beomgyu insists. “I’m older that you and I should be the logical one. And I wasn’t. for that, I’m sorry.”

A pained look crosses Taehyun’s face and Beomgyu hates the fact that it was because of him. “Don’t say that.” Taehyun is looking down, refusing to meet his eyes, “Don’t apologize for that kiss…. It’ll mean you didn’t mean to.”

“I’m sorry.” Beomgyu continues, ignoring his fragile voice, “But you don’t like me. You just…. enjoy talking to me. You just like my company because you can be yourself with me. Because I don’t treat you like the idol you are.”

It’s the truth. He has read articles about Kang Taehyun. Man of many talents….at fifteen he came to Seoul to be professionally trained to be an idol. Even then, he was bullied a lot because of how he looks…. he’s too pretty. Too feminine to be taken seriously. Beomgyu understands….it must have been so lonely. It probably still is, if people treat you like a collectible, a fragile item they put on a pedestal and not an actual human being. **(This one goes out to all who treats idols like shit. Respect them, respect their privacy. Treat them like a human being not as an amusement behind a cage.)**

“I don’t understand.” Taehyun looks up at him, pained expression replaced by confusion, “Isnt that exactly supposed to be what it means to _like_ someone?”

Beomgyu reels back when the question is thrown right back at him. Taehyun switches their hold and this time, he cradles the other’s hands on his own, “Hyung, is there another way to like a person?”

The hopeful look in Taehyun’s eyes is too much for him. He doesn’t know what to tell him because he’s definitely right. What else should be the reason why you liked someone? He basically just confirmed his feelings as well. _Damn him and his stupid mouth._

“What you’re suggesting is…. unfair”. _Not to mention, impossible._ One small rumour about this and the press would be all over them. Taehyun isn’t invincible---his career would suffer and he’s not sure if there’s any comeback from that kind of scandal.

Beomgyu cant do that to him. He’s simply not worth it. This guy is Kang Taehyun. Girls and guys would line up for a minuscule of his attention. _Why him?_

“Who says? Only I can decide what’s fair and unfair. Its my feelings anyway.” Taehyun says sternly, pulling at his hands.

“Don’t you care about your career?”

“My fans will love me no matter what. If they don’t, they’re not my real fans and that’s okay.”

_Oh, his innocence will be his downfall._ Beomgyu is just looking at him with bleary eyes. _How the hell should he handle this kid?_ He’s stubborn and persistent….and with the way his eyes are filled with determination when he looks at Beomgyu, he just knows Taehyun will never take _no_ for an answer.

Beomgyu closed his eyes and took another deep breath to calm his nerves, “And what about me? Have you ever considered me?”

Its foul—Beomgyu knows using guilt against the guy is playing dirty but what can he really do? Taehyun maybe a lot of things, but he isn’t selfish and that’s probably one of his weaknesses.

“I mean, look at me. I’m not cut out for your kind of life.” Beomgyu says, pointing eagerly at himself. “If anybody finds out about our friendship, they might forgive you. But not me. I’m nobody to them and hating me would be easy.”

He chuckles bitterly. He can already see the headlines, _Mister Artist-Wannabe Corrupted Young Kang Taehyun._ His entire life will be out in the front page of tabloids, all the past he was running away from, all the secrets out in the open for everyone to see. It scares him.

Taehyun sighs. “That’s exactly the reason.”

“….”

“You wanted to know why I enjoyed you not knowing who I am?” Taehyun is glaring at him and its scary, “You already said it. I can be myself with you and you wont give me a pass just because I’m Taehyun. You don’t treat me differently. For once, I can be who I am just by talking to you and its just so…...liberating.” he pauses, “But I get it. I totally understand it. And I’m sorry I didn’t consider you. I’m sorry I was selfish. I just thought…. that maybe you’re different….”

He doesn’t even wait for Beomgyu to answer. The moment his little speech is over, he was already out the door.

Leaving Beomgyu stunned and staring at the closed door of his apartment. His heart is beating painfully against his chest and all he can think of is, _great. Just great._  
_____

“You look like shit.” Yeonjun says the moment he opens the door to his apartment.

“Gee, great to see you too.” Yeonjun is probably right—he hasn’t showered for two days now. His hair is a mess and there are bags under his eyes. Plus, he’s stuck wearing his ugliest fleece coat which coincidentally is also the thickest one he has. But he has no choice, really—he has been down with the terrible flu for three days now and has been cooped up in bed, trying to recuperate.

This doesn’t stop him from working though and had asked Yeonjun to bring the material samples of the logo for KTH Studio at home. Yeonjun reluctantly did agree to bring them—he didn’t want to because _Beomgyu should not be working and should be resting at home._

But he relents and Beomgyu has a lingering suspicion its also to check if he’s been true to his word that he wont be working at all, which of course is not true because he’s been sketching some designs for Haedabang.

Yeonjun notices his open drawing tablet and frowns so Beomgyu takes the box with the samples and distracts him with a question instead, “What material did the client want again?”

Yeonjun takes his phone and recites the options, “Lets see…. Hmm…. metal or acrylic or a combination of both. Oh, he’s also open to use vinyl.” 

Beomgyu nods, humming in response before coughing violently into his hand. Yeonjun frowns at him, “You should go back to bed.”

“Later.” Beomgyu says, placing the sample of metal and acrylic on the table in front of Yeonjun.

“Can they make small samples using these?”

Yeonjun nods, “Already asked them to. They’ll be delivering tomorrow.”

Beomgyu beams. “So reliable. What would I do without you?”

“Crash and burn?” Yeonjun suggests, grinning before his face becomes serious, “I think you should rest more.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll rest after we’re done here.” Beomgyu walks towards his drawing tablet and gives it to Yeonjun, “What do you think about these?”

Yeonjun reluctantly gets them, muttering how _you’re not supposed to be working on these and you should be resting._ But he does check the designs, anyway. “They’re good”. Yeonjun nods, giving him the drawing tablet. Beomgyu nods, “I’ll email it to the client later.”

“I thought the client is an old woman.”

“She’s the owner but the client is her grandson.”

“Ah, let me do that then. I want you to rest more.”

“You’re so sweet, hyung.”

Yeonjun rolls his eyes. “Just get back to bed.”

Beomgyu nods at him and the guy starts to walk out of the apartment. Only to pause by the doorway and turn back to him. “By the way….”

“Hmm?”

“What happened with you and the mailbox kid anyway? You went out for dinner and them came back with the flu. But you never mentioned him again. Not even once. And you used to…. all the time.”

_Of course, this will come up. Its also probably part of why Yeonjun is here._ Beomgyu wonders if he should just tell his hyung who that _mailbox kid_ really is. He doubts if he would believe him anyway. Compared to him, Yeonjun doesn’t live under the rock and would know immediately once he tells him Kang Taehyun’s name. “Do I, really? I wasn’t that bad.”

Yeonjun snorts. “You’re always Taehyun this and Taehyun that. Even the staff took notice.”

He turns away, too embarrassed for his actions. Yeonjun is not budging, “So, what really happened between you two? What happened on your date?”

Beomgyu cant really say he went out on a date with a _pop icon,_ can he? Not if he wants Yeonjun not to freak out. He also cant really say that the said pop icon kissed him that night and confessed his feelings to him the morning after.

_Besides, its not like it matters._ The last time they talked was before the morning he left for China and its already been three days of radio silence. He still knows whats going on with his life because of the fan update he’s seeing in his Naver news-feed. He will never admit it though.

“So no?”

“Huh?”

“You and that mailbox kid! Are you guys still a thing or not?”

It takes a while for Beomgyu to answer but he eventually says, “No.”

Yeonjun shrugs, “Shame.”

“Do you like him?”

“You mean after the most amazing time we’ve had when he was passed out and we carried him to the emergency room? I barely know him.”

“Fine, fine. That’s a stupid question.”

Yeonjun is snickering at him, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

_Of course. He had just let go of his first chance at romance after almost three years now so why wont he be okay?_ “Yeah”, he responds.

Yeonjun is still staring at him but he shrugs. “Take some rest.”

“Yes, I’ll go back to sleep once you leave.”

“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow for the meeting. Make sure you look like half a decent human being and not contagious anymore.” Yeonjun gives him a wave and steps out, “See you!”

Beomgyu crawls back into bed when he hears the door click. He picks up his phone and its quite odd not to find any new notifications for him.

He opens his Naver and immediately sees a new post from Taehyun’s official account page. He had followed it the night they had went out and may have forgotten to unfollow it.

The last photo is a selfie that Taehyun took inside a sleek vehicle, its interior glistening like brand new. Taehyun is grinning at the camera, holding a peace sign, his eyes smudged with dark eyeliner and hair brushed up. Behind him, the rest of the members of TXT are holding a peace sign. the caption reads: “See you in a bit, Beijing!”

Beomgyu cant help but smile bitterly at the photo. This is what he wants, right? _So why the hell does he feel like crying now?_  
____

Life goes on for Beomgyu and Yeonjun. It took another two days before he’s well enough to meet with their new client in a very upscale restaurant at the heart of Seoul.

He is in his usual work clothes—blue button up over white undershirt and faded blue jeans with white sneakers. He hates how Yeonjun didn’t even warn him to dress accordingly and the guy actually looked decent enough with polo shirt and slacks.

Despite that, they still look terribly out of place especially in the presence of the grandson of Jeon Suyeon, _Jeon Jeongguk._

He’s a pleasant looking guy, dark hair and broad shoulders. His height and presence is domineering especially in that expensive looking tailored suit. He would have been intimidating, except he has the kindest eyes and an easy smile which reminds Beomgyu a lot of his grandmother he met last week.

He has been smiling a lot during the meeting, claiming to really just meet the artist who will take care of his grandma’s tea-house. Though he seems to be throwing a fond look whenever Beomgyu is speaking. 

In the last hour, he and Yeonjun had shown him the draft sketches Beomgyu had made and Jeongguk immediately developed a liking on one of the designs which is really what Beomgyu is proposing.

It’s a _respectful design_ which meant Beomgyu didn’t remove the classic, honey elements of the place but more of upgraded the spots that needed upgrading. Probably the biggest change is the back wall which he wants to open up and have a door out of the garden. 

He has seen the garden and its actually very well maintained and very beautiful.

“So you can email me the revised designs, soon?”

Beomgyu smiles, saving up the notes in his tablet, “Sure. Can you give me at least two days for this?”

Jeongguk nods, “Ah, right, right…. you’re still working on the studio.”

Beomgyu frowns in confusion as he eyes Yeonjun, who looks equally confused. Not once in their conversation did they mention that they’re working on a studio.

Jeongguk’s mood shifts and he almost looks embarrassed, “Ah sorry….my half-brother, he is actually the one who recommended you.”

“Oh, so he’s the owner of KTH Studio?” Yeonjun asks. The elusive owner whom they never met and hadn’t dropped by in the studio not even once. It kind of makes sense now. Its impossible that Jeon Jeongguk found them nowhere—like it’s a random inquiry they received.

“Well, yeah…. sort of. He owns the big chunk of it and I own what’s rest.” 

“Oh, must be nice.”

“Hah! Not always. He can be such a brat sometimes.” Jeongguk chuckles to himself as if he’s remembering something. “Anyway, I guess it comes up with his age. He’s still pretty young.”

Beomgyu nods, fascinated at how soft and gentle the last words were spoken. This guy must really love his brother.

“Anyway, I still have some meetings to go to but its really nice to meet you.” Jeongguk stands up and takes the bill to indicate he’ll take care of it. “I’ll see you again, sometime soon?”

They both say goodbye after thanking him for lunch and Beomgyu watches the man disappear through the door.

“I liked the other design better.” Yeonjun says and Beomgyu rolls his eyes, “You just like to tear things apart.”

Yeonjun chuckles, “What’s wrong with that?”

They pick up things and proceed towards the exit. “By the way, I have to drop by our furniture supplier from here.”

“Why? What happened?”

“Nothing I couldn’t handle.” Yeonjun grins. “Anyway, I’m telling you this to ask if you’ll be okay going back to KTH on your own?”

“What do you take me for? A kid?” Beomgyu laughs, “I’ll take a cab. Just go.”

They go their separate ways when they exit the building, Beomgyu hailing a cab nearby.  
____

He goes down from the cab as soon as he paid it and almost bumps into someone in a hurry. A chill runs down his spine when he smells a familiar scent emanating from the guy who is hurriedly walking away.

He turns to him but either he sprinted away in a hurry or Beomgyu is just imagining things but the man has somehow disappeared into the crowd.

Still, that lingering smell makes him feel uneasy and he pushes down the ugly thoughts in his head before he heads inside.

Its been a while since he’s been to KTH and he has to say, he has missed the smell of paint of paint and wood when he opens the backdoor to the studio.

The staffs are all happy to see him again when he entered, after been absent for almost a week. The moment he entered the studio, they dropped what they’re doing just to welcome him back.

When he was sick, these staffs made sure to update him with the progress of their work, making sure not to ask so many questions and at the same time, relieving him of any extra anxiety.

Choi Soobin, ever the most reliable one is quick to remind him that there are some deliveries waiting for him on his desk. He thanks him and kindly tells the rest of the staffs to get back to work before heading to the lobby where his makeshift desk is located.

He sees two different packages, one—he is sure of are the mock ups of the lobby’s signage that they requested last week. He opens them eagerly and hums in approval. Hueningkai walks inside the space to bring him his coffee when he notices the signages. “Those look great, hyung.”

Beomgyu agrees, taking the coffee from him, “They really look cool against the mural, don’t you think?”

“Uh-huh. Too bad you can choose only one.”

Beomgyu groans, “I know! And its frustrating if both looks good!”

Hueningkai hums walking beside him. The mural is right in front of him and the other guy takes each signage and raises them at eye level so they can see how they match the mural. After a while, Beomgyu has made his choice. “Thanks for your help, Hueningkai.”

“Anytime, hyung.” Hueningkai says, about to leave when he notices the other package. “What about the other one?”

Beomgyu thinks about the other deliveries he should be receiving that would warrant that and can think of nothing. It’s a small 4x4 box, sealed with a packaging tape.

“Who delivered this?” he asks, picking it up. He checks his tablet to see if there are any other scheduled deliveries today and there is none.

Hueningkai shrugs, “It was there when we came in. but the temps usually handle small deliveries like that.”

“Hmm….”, Beomgyu feels a sense of familiar dread as he checks the box for return address and there is none. It has his name though, and KTH studio.

Hueningkai is eyeing him curiously, “Could be the fabric swatches for the curtain. I remember Yeonjun hyung reminding us that it was supposed to be here yesterday but it didn’t come.” That’s possible, but he and Yeonjun are always updating each other in there is a change in delivery.

He sends a message to Yeonjun just in case.

~ _Hyung, the fabric swatches for the curtains arrived today. It was addressed to me so are you okay with me opening it?_

~ _Ah, right right. Sorry I didn’t update the tracker. Yes, it was late but you can open it and make your recommendations already. Lets talk about when I get back, yeah?_

~ _Its fine. I’ll check on them already._

“Its for the curtains.” He tells Hueningkai who nods and excuses himself and Beomgyu almost chuckles because that kid, who is really good in dealing metalwork and woodwork—is really so bad at choosing the _soft materials_ like fabric, carpet, more. He is very different from Soobin, who is almost as good as Yeonjun when it comes to that.

He decides to send an email to the signage supplier to inform them of his choice. Before he does so, he places the mock-up by the wall and takes photos in all angles, just to check where he needs to put the pin lights on the wall or if he even needs them in the first place. _Metal signages reflect a lot of light anyways. Maybe he should make some parts of it matte._

It takes a while to do this. Eventually, he remembers the package sitting idly on his table and he picks it up, shakes a bit, noticing how light it is before cutting through the tape.

He opens the box and drops it in cold dread when he sees what’s inside. The familiar scent is back, and the heavy perfume pervades the air around him, filling him with dark memories he had long forgotten— _pulling him back in the dark, choking him._

He screams.  
____

“I’m really glad Beomgyu hyung is back.” Hueningkai beams at Soobin who is sorting through the curtain rings and hooks, putting them into boxes so he could turn them over to the temporary manual laborers who are currently on a break.

Its their other staff, Minhee, who answers him, “Yeah, maybe now you can stop slacking and do some actual work.” The boy is snickering, obviously just riling up the other boy who is now glaring diggers at him.

Before Hueningkai can even start retaliating with a small retort, Soobin has come between them and raises his hand, “Stop being kids.”

Both Soobin and Hueningkai knows what Minhee said is not really serious. Soobin knows that the two’s endless everyday banters start like this and will only stop when Yeonjun yells at the two of them to stop or if Beomgyu happens to pas them by.

In truth, all of them are quite relieved and excited to have their boss back. He’s a steady presence in the office—not as organised as Yeonjun, but not as moody as well.

“Well, at least Yeonjun hyung will be in a greater mood now that Beomgyu hyung is back.” Minhee says.

“Yeah, he yelled at me yesterday.”

“What’s new? He yells at you everyday, anyway.”

“How about fuck you?”

“Your words hurt me.”

“You’re elder than me!”

“Guys, just—”

The words die instantly in Soobin’s lips when they hear a scream in the lobby where Beomgyu is. The three of them look at each other before Minhee leads the way to where the scream came from.

Dozens of scenes play in his mind but it all points at one common theme—an accident. There has been an accident. He thinks of what could have happened that would warrant that kind of scream because it definitely sounded like a scream of fear.

The scene they arrived at was not what he had in mind—thankfully nothing seemed amiss and Beomgyu is by the table, seemingly not hurt. He almost relaxes until Hueningkai asks, “Beomgyu-hyung?” his voice full of anxiety and he _finally actually_ looks at Beomgyu.

He feels gutted. A terrible panic hits him when he sees how Beomgyu is leaning one hand over the table as if to keep him upright, breaths coming in short and fast, his eyes are wide and staring wildly at something on the floor. He’s gripping his chest, the other hand curled in a tight fist, his knuckles already getting white. He has seen a lot of this to know he is suffering a panic attack.

“Get out!” Beomgyu screams and it’s the first time he actually hears the guy use that voice. He’s a soft spoken guy—never screams and usually just shyly smiles at them.

“Call Yeonjun hyung.” He tells Minhee calmly who nods and starts walking out of the room, “And take him with you.” He says, referring to Hueningkai. Minhee grabs the other guy who is helplessly looking at Soobin, and drags him out of the room as well.

“Beomgyu, its me Soobin.” He says softly. He’s been through a lot of the same thing. He knows what will help— _speak in short sentences._ “Its going to be okay…. you just have to take deep breaths.”

He walks towards the man, both hands raised. “Its fine…. You’ll be fine…. Take a deep breath. Inhale…. Exhale….” he holds Beomgyu’s shoulder and the guy flinches but he doesn’t move away. He’s taking deep breaths and Soobin continues to count it down for him. _Inhale. Exhale. You’ll be fine. You’re doing just fine. Inhale, exhale._

He looks down on the floor where Beomgyu is still looking at and frowns. There is nothing there except an open box, and inside sits a deep red silk tie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo, how was the chapter? did you like the inclusion of jeongguk as taehyun's step brother? of course i had other options, but have you seen taehyun in real life? he literally fanboys over jeongguk so i thought this would be the right opportunity to include him.  
> have a nice reading! ily!


	6. What Hurts You Most

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we can finally see what happened with choi beomgyu in the past. and, lets also be ready to see things from kang taehyun's side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! chapter seven here you go! i hope you would like it. and, i have placed a trigger warning, look out for that if you cant take blood and gore. no more spoilers!

Yeonjun is still reeling from the conversation he had with the suppliers of their chairs, again. They used Maple wood on the lobby stools and not cherry wood, like the rest of the chairs they had delivered earlier. He doesn’t understand how they could make that mistake but now they have to wait for four more days before they get the correct delivery.

He clicks his tongue in annoyance as he pulls out of the driveway to the way back to KTH. Before that, he sends a message to Beomgyu.

~ _Beomgyu, what do you have in mind for lunch?_

Honestly, this man has probably mastered the skill of self-destruction to the point that’s its even impressive sometimes. Ten years since they first met, but really, almost half of them was spent with Beomgyu running away from Daegu and all the things that happened there.

Going _out_ to your friends took a lot from him. He trusted this set of friends who he thought would accept him for who he was. He is a sunshine boy, had the sweetest smile and once, a professor called him a _bright-eyed talented boy destined for greatness_ because, he’s a damn good artist. It’s probably that talent that caused his downfall. These so-called friends were jealous of him….and he, the trusting, kindest person ever didn’t know.

They outed him deliberately and knowingly in a university where homophobia is a norm.

The news hit their college like a bomb-the A list, technically perfect in every way student is not at all perfect. They ate it up right away and rumors spread.

_He’s in a relationship with one professor that’s why he’s getting good grades._

_He’s getting favors from a rich old benefactor._

_Did you know why he left his hometown? Because his family disowned him._

To be fair, he did try to fight it…. how many times has he seen Beomgyu smile at an insult thrown at him, ignore the words, make it seem like everything’s alright. He tried to stay positive despite knowing his most trusted friends betrayed him. He lasted for at least another two months until the bullying became unbearable for him and he dropped out.

He packed up and left, without even saying goodbye. Yeonjun, who was just a spectator and wasn’t really a part of his tight group just watched him fade away from the lives of those people who tormented him. Truth be told, he doesn’t even think they knew what they did, how much suffering they caused.

 _It’s a joke._ They would often say. Yeonjun thinks its unfair how life can be so cruel that way, how evil sometimes really win. You ruin a person’s life and you move on with yours, not really caring what happened to the person you destroyed. Sometimes, you don’t even know you’re the villain to one’s story.

He can’t say he chased after Beomgyu. It’s a cruel fate, he lived and Yeonjun contented himself with making the guy a cautionary tale- _don’t trust people so much because if you do, they will find a way to hurt you._ Besides, they were not really close…but he eventually met him again four years later, in Seoul where they are working in one advertising agency.

Yeonjun was glad to have met an old friend. Seoul is huge and a little bit of familiarity really did him well. He was also glad how Beomgyu was really happy. He wasn’t hiding who he is anymore and was finally able to show who he really is without judgement from everyone. For once, he had seen the smile back on his face-the same one he had the first time they had met.

Maybe, he thought…Beomgyu would finally be okay. But life is cruel and merciless. He learned how wrong he was soon enough.

He can still recall that night when the truth about Beomgyu hit him like a ton of bricks. He just got home from a night of drinking with his high school buddies when his sister asked him if he knew what happened to Beomgyu because they were supposed to meet for dinner to discuss some freelance commission work for her company but he never showed up, never picked up her call.

He knew then that something was different, so the next day he went to his apartment-or the place registered in the company’s directory and found Beomgyu…. _or what looked like him._ The apartment was in shambles-broken pieces of glass everywhere, papers and furniture’s scattered, and Beomgyu was in the bathtub, a bruised, bloodied mess.

Back then, he didn’t know what came over him-but he did remember the years he spent in college, just watching Beomgyu lose his smile. He remembered how the light disappeared from his eyes of Beomgyu who one of their professors referred to as the sunshine. Saw how that genuinely sweet smile eventually turned bitter, then fake, then gone at all. _He saw it all._ And yet he did nothing.

He recognized the guilt coming over him, the obsessive protectiveness he felt just looking at him.

_Why did I not do anything? Why did I just stand by and watch?_

Beomgyu had looked up at him with dead eyes and when he spoke, he knew the guy couldn’t recognize him at all, _“Please just….no more.”_

That day, he swore to himself that he will never let anyone hurt him anymore. That he will not let anyone take away that smile from his face, ever again.

There’s a phone call from Hueningkai. After three rings, the call automatically comes through and his truck’s Bluetooth speaker comes to life.

“What’s the problem?”

“I-Its Beomgyu hyung.”

_2 years ago_

_TW: mention of rape, blood_

The first thing Beomgyu notices from the man was his red tie. It’s the color of coagulated blood and a glaring contrast from the crisp monochromatic black and white suit he is wearing. _It was the same tie he was wearing when they first met and he later found out that it was his favorite._

There’s also a heavy perfume coming from him, a heavy mix of woody, musky scent which should have not really been unpleasant, but it makes Beomgyu’s head swirl. _Same perfume as the first time they met._

Kim byung-hoon is a man of habits. He doesn’t like to do things differently and doesn’t change his mind easily. Two years with the guy and he should have known that. That’s what makes him a good company director. That’s what makes him a good boss.

His presence in his old apartment should not have been a surprise, considering who he is dealing with. In hindsight, Beomgyu should not have come here or at least should have changed the lock. But Beomgyu thought that this was different with the presence of one of his secretaries.

“What are you doing here?” where he got the courage to ask that, he doesn’t know. But he’s tired and hurt and angry as well. This guy dared to hurt him and act as they could go back to how they were before? _How dare he?_

Kim byung-hoon doesn’t answer and just kept looking at him with those dark eyes. Beomgyu wonders how the hell did he not see the man behind those eyes. Before, he could only see the gentleness, its playfulness….and he used to melt under those very eyes. But now, all he feels is fear when the guy so much as glances at him.

“I already left the keys to your apartment with your secretary.” He managed to say but Kim byung-hoon merely smirked.

The man starts to walk towards him and Beomgyu had to talk to himself not to fold into himself. He’s a few inches taller than Beomgyu, his built more muscular, and as always, he moves with definition, confident and powerful in every single movement like fixing his coat or straightening his tie. Beomgyu would have swooned like the other times, but this time the man’s presence only leaves him feeling dread.

“You can’t get rid of me that easily, _pet._ ” The name chills him to the bones. He has to force himself not to submit to him easily. Muscle memory is a bitch and he finds himself struggling to stand straight and not kneel in front of him.

The man notices this and smirks, “You’re saying no but your body is saying yes.” He reaches out to him, and he wanted to pull away, but he is glued to his spot. A hand caresses his cheek and he closes his eyes when the other reaches for his lower back and pulls him closer.

“Don’t…...”, he manages to cry out before lips pressed on his own in a brutal kiss. Teeth biting at his lips to open up, forcing his tongue inside. Tears flowed freely from his eyes at the assault. He doesn’t want this—and yet he finds himself responding eagerly to the kisses.

“Stop….”, he moans when Kim byung-hoon goes down his neck, nipping and biting marks along the way. _This is not what I want. Stop this. Stop this._

“STOP!” He screams, finding the strength to finally push the man away. Byung-hoon is staring at him, shocked and its quite interesting to watch because the guy is so used to getting what he wants and this is probably the first time someone stopped him. Beomgyu watches his face mold into an angry scowl, forehead curled and nose flaring.

He feels it before he sees it—a slap across his face and he is down on his knees on the floor. His cheek is burning and there’s the taste of blood in his mouth where his lip burst open. He clasps a hand on the burning cheek.

“You think you can get away from me!?” Byung-hoon’s voice boomed in the small space of his apartment. Beomgyu wonders if his neighbours would hear, they have thin walls anyway. Silently, he wishes they would call the police but would bet they’d stay inside their home listening and just talking behind their back. _If he lives through all of this._

A hand grabbed his hair and dragged him up, “Hng….”, he groans as he gets pulled up and forced to look up at Byung-hoon’s wild eyes. He closes and eyes remembering all the hundred times the man did this to him. It should have been something he’s already used to with all the arguments they had before that lead to fighting and lead to bruises and wounds he has to hide the next day. He got good in hiding them eventually, wearing the right clothes, putting on makeup.

Byung-hoon jerks his head from side to side, causing another hiss of pain from him before he hears a violent whisper in his ear. “Did you forget? I own you! I fucking made you! Without me, you wouldn’t even be alive right now! You’d be rotting in the streets!”

 _He is right._ Beomgyu thinks back the day they first met. A month after he dropped out of art school, he left Daegu and in Seoul with barely enough to survive. He used up all his remaining money from his previous scholarship to get a barely liveable small room in one of Seoul’s oldest apartment complexes and feed him to survive.

He met him at a café where he was working as a part time waiter. That day, some high school kids vandalized the wall outside and the owner, knowing he had an art background, asked him to fix it. The owner didn’t specify _fix_ meant to repaint the entire wall. He, being an art major, painted an entire mural on it instead. The owner was furious, he didn’t want more drawings on his wall…he wanted them gone. 

Beomgyu was hearing an ear load from the owner when Byung-hoon came in the café to ask who painted the _beautiful artwork_ outside. He later found out that the guy already saw him working outside and had been watching him as he worked.

He was like a knight in shining armor then only he was in a suit and came in a black car…but he offered Beomgyu a job and a scholarship in SNU, as long as he’ll work for the agency once he graduates.

“You think you’d survive without me?” he can feel his breath against his ear, could smell the alcohol in them. He was seething with anger—Beomgyu knows it too well when he’s mad, his voice goes deep and threatening and it always, always makes Beomgyu fall on his knees.

A hand grabbed his arm, dragging him across the floor roughly. “Stop! Stop!” He cried but it fell on deaf ears. His feet fail to keep him up and he falls on the floor. Even then, the man doesn’t stop, just continues to drag him along, never mind the scrapes and bruises he was getting from bumping against surfaces.

“You’re nothing but a street rat!” Byung-hoon screams. “You think you’re all that? What are you proud of? Everything you have…I gave it to you!”

They reach his room and in an instant, he gets thrown on the bed. He pushes himself up, attempting to get away but a weight pushed him down as Byung-hoon straddled him with his chest, putting his entire weight on Beomgyu.

He began kicking the man on top of him who retaliated by punching him twice on the face breaking his nose and blacking out his right eye. Beomgyu doesn’t even have the strength to scream. 

“Byung-hoon…...stop….”, he cried in his hoarse voice as the man began striping away his clothes. He held onto them but that only roused the man’s anger and he punched his stomach, pushing out all the air in Beomgyu’s lungs. Beomgyu released a soundless cry at the pain as the guy flipped him over so he’s lying on his stomach.

“What’s wrong, _pet_? You used to like it when I get rough with you, don’t you? You even begged me to be harder on you. Don’t you like it? Isn’t this what turns you on?”

 _No……no_ …. he couldn’t breathe…. something soft and gentle rounded up both his hands and he realized that he was binding him using his tie. “Let’s play a game, _pet_. It’s the one you like the most.”

Once satisfied, he was flipped over again and he was forced to see the dangerous glint on the man’s face. “Stop, please…”, he cries as Byung-hoon began stripping him out of his clothes.

“Stop? You were begging for me to take you the last time we did this. What happened, _pet_? Do you not want me anymore?” he was grinning at him and Beomgyu started shaking in fear as he watched Byung-hoon strip out of his clothes totally.

Naked and bound, Beomgyu desperately tried to kick the man off of him and he did with the last of his strength. He managed to hit the man’s stomach and though it didn’t really help, at least the man lost his balance for a while and Beomgyu was able to drag himself up and run from the bed. He was able to make it to the door of the room before he was being dragged back again by his neck and thrown down on the floor. His head hit the concrete hard and his vision began swimming.

Byung-hoon yanked on his restraints, pulling his arms up angrily, “Do you fucking think you can get away from me?!”

Beomgyu can barely make his face with the blurry vision, the blood now flowing from his head and the swelling of his eyes but he managed to blurt out a single _“Why?”, why are you doing this? You were not like this before._ He remembered how Byung-hoon protected him and gave him everything he needed asking for nothing but this time…his love. _What happened? What happened to us?_

Byung-hoon laughed at him before he put his hands around his neck, slamming him on the floor with a loud thud. Beomgyu chokes immediately, opening his mouth to gasp mouthfuls of air to no avail. “WHY!? Why!? You made me into this!” Byung-hoon grins into him maniacally before diving in and giving him a brutal kiss, taking away remaining of his breath. Byung-hoon bites on his lips until he can feel them burst open. “You’re too easy, Choi Beomgyu. I didn’t think I’d love being like this until I met you.”

He kicked Beomgyu’s legs apart before placing himself between them, he laced his hands against Beomgyu’s neck to stop any noise or _breath_ coming out. A wordless scream fell from Beomgyu’s open mouth when he felt what was going on.

 _“You made me into this. You made me into a monster because it’s just too fucking easy for you. This is your fault. You bought this upon yourself…you good for nothing, fuck up.”_ And the hands around his neck tighten.

________

“Stop! Stop! STOP!”

He wakes up screaming and sees the shocked faces of Minhee staring at him. He frowns and looks around, confirming that Byung-hoon is not inside the room. Hands still shaking, he buries his head into them, willing the images of that night to go away.

“Beomgyu-hyung.” Minhee says and Beomgyu flinches at the sound of his name. He does look up and roam his eyes around the room properly this time. He’s in the hospital, he’s been here a lot of times that he already knows what the interior looks like.

“What happened?” he finally says, voice cracking as he strained his dry throat to get the words out.

“You blacked out, hyung.” Minhee says.

“What?” he doesn’t remember passing out. He does remember one thing and he visibly shudders.

“Are you cold?” Minhee asks, noticing and already walking to the heater to adjust the thermostat.

“Why did I….”

“Dehydration and over-fatigue.”

Its Yeonjun, who answers him. The guy just came in with a disappointed scowl, but he’s not looking at him. Instead he turns to Minhee, “You can go now. Thanks for staying with him.”

Minhee reluctantly leaves but not before he gives an anxious look at Beomgyu.

When they are alone, Beomgyu turns to Yeonjun who busied himself arranging some fruit and flowers on the table next to him, they’re probably from the juniors. “How long was I out?”

“Almost two days.” Yeonjun says coldly. He can sense a fit of lingering anger behind those words.

Beomgyu’s eyes widen at that, “That long!?” before he can further comment on it, Yeonjun doesn’t even bat an eyelash before he asks again, “How long since you’ve stopped taking your meds?” There is poison in his voice. An accusation Beomgyu wouldn’t dare deny.

“A month ago.”

“When you met that boy?”

“….”

“Hyung, it’s not because of….”

“Not because of _him?_ You know what would happen if you stopped taking them! You, of all people know how destructive that is!” Yeonjun in a feat of anger grabs a flimsy of the hospital blanket and pulls it off revealing his legs underneath.

_As well as the scars._

Beomgyu looks at them. It’s been a long time since he had seen this. Six months ago, he heard that Byung-hoon is back in Seoul and no amount of comfort can help him with the fear he felt. The idea of his carefully built up world-the one he had managed to scrounge up from the broken pieces of himself—crumbling into pieces again. He needed to find an outlet to release all his emotions without letting the fear swallow him whole and render him useless.

So, he cut himself. The pain was familiar and it was better than fear. It meant he was alive. He cut himself and relished the feeling. _A fuck up._ He has become what Byung-hoon has told him he really was.

When Yeonjun found him doing this, he went ballistic. He didn’t understand. It wasn’t like he was doing it just because he wanted to. It was an embarrassing way but it was the only way for him to release the fear slowly, so he will not burst open. it was to ground himself to reality-make him function like a normal human being.

That was when he knew he needed help. After a dozen consultations, he was diagnosed with PTSD. Finally, he had a name for it and a bottle with a label slapped on it to manage and eventually pull through.

Maybe it did help…. but what Beomgyu didn’t tell Yeonjun was the medication made him feel numb. It was okay before because _feeling_ meant hurting and being afraid. He didn’t want any of that. So, he swallowed the pills and went on with his day barely living. but when he met Taehyun, he was so drawn to the boy and his energy that he wanted to be part of that. He wanted to _feel_ again.

“You don’t understand.” Beomgyu says, covering himself up. He can’t bear to look at them—the scars he himself created six months ago. Calling them battle scars would have been romantic, but he knew exactly what they were. He was a fool. _Always have been._

“Yes, you're right. I don’t understand.” Yeonjun says, the hopelessness in his voice so raw it hurts.

They stay like that, in silence…. waiting for the other to speak up. Beomgyu feels like crying. “I'm sorry.” 

“Sorry for what?” Yeonjun asks, not even trying to hide his sarcasm. “I'm not the one you're hurting. You are doing this to yourself and you're apologizing to me?”

“I just…”

“Don’t think of what others will feel?” Yeonjun asks and Beomgyu can’t totally deny it. “Who cares what I or the rest of the people around you will feel? It’s your life, Beomgyu. You and only you can decide how you want to live it. You can’t be a victim forever.”

He stares at Yeonjun, feeling the tears well up. Yeonjun, upon realizing what he said, just looks shocked and guilty. He had never lashed out on Beomgyu this way. He opens his mouth to take back what he just said, but before he could the door opens and the doctor comes in with the news that he can be discharged tomorrow if he promises to be a good boy and doesn’t overwork himself.

Yeonjun doesn’t say anything as the doctor talks through what happened to him. Beomgyu is barely listening, trying to hold his tears back. Finally, when the doctor finishes his lecture, he tells Yeonjun that visiting hours are over and he has to leave soon. Yeonjun agrees with him and follows him out the door, with a promise of coming back to pick Beomgyu up tomorrow.

Beomgyu cries when he's alone.

____

“You can pretend to at least like it, you know?” Kim Sojung is not even looking at him and just continues writing down notes on her small leather notebook.

He's not even listening, just continues browsing on his phone. checking his feed for any interesting update back in Seoul. There are tons of messages from his fans and comments from the photos posted in his account _(which is Sojung’s doing. He is rarely allowed to post on his accounts anymore.)_ there are also a couple of messages from his sunbaes who are already at a bar where he is headed. 

He had to go to a meeting for an endorsement deal for a sports drink brand together with another female Chinese celebrity, Liu Yifei. It’s part of his _solo_ projects before their comeback. The press had wanted for them to pose together, make cute hand gestures which he adamantly refused, choosing instead to give his usual cheeky grin. It didn’t matter because the press ate them up, calling them eye candies or something like that.

“Taehyun-sshi.” Sojung calls again and shakes her head when Taehyun merely blinks at her. “Are you even listening?”

“Yeah, you told me to pretend to like acting being cute and I don’t.”

“Like acting being cute? I think we've already established that.”

“Pretending.” He corrects, still looking at his phone.

Sojung shakes her head, “You’ve been on edge ever since we got here, not to mention you're always on your phone and acting weird.” She hums.

“Whatever do you mean by that?” he asks and she says, “Nothing.” Before turning back to her notebook. She starts rambling about how this partnership with Liu Yifei would actually do his career good because she’s a pretty established actress in China. And if this goes well, they're looking at a potential love team with her which would then be a breakthrough for him in the Chinese industry…. but Taehyun isn’t listening anymore.

He picks up his headphones and snaps them on, to show his disinterest. He doesn’t turn the music on, something he always does to keep people away from him. Honestly, he doesn’t see the point of logging in his social media accounts. Sojung manages his Naver account and he really has no one to talk to in KakaoTalk _(of course he won’t say that openly or his sunbaes would whine about how he’s growing to be an awful, disrespectful maknae.)_

It has been almost a week since that day when Beomgyu made it clear to him that he wants nothing to do with him. Honestly, he was disappointed but it was also kind of expected. Getting hounded in the airports by rabid paparazzi, having his life always under scrutiny by the press, all of those are part of his life, something he willingly accepted and he’s not surprised Beomgyu doesn’t want any of it.

It’s not meant for everybody—and he had been training for it since he was fourteen. Since then, he has been taught how to school his emotions; act based on a script provided by his manager but to always keep it natural; do what needs to be done without questions or complaints; do it by the book, follow the rules…..all these things he had learnt by heart. His fans, his endorsements—they all have expectations from him and he can never disappoint.

Still, there are moments where he lets the true him slip out of his cracks. A few interviews he had been so candid with his responses they come out cold and sometimes, downright mean. He gets away with it now, because he has established himself and he is _Kang Taehyun._

But he has to live with that label—the cold, uncaring celebrity who runs away from affection, refuses to talk but when he does, he usually just speaks his mind no matter how tactless they sound. Even then, they formed an image of him in their heads and lumped them in one category. As if that defines who he is.

Beomgyu is different. He didn’t know who he is— _how this happened, he can’t really be sure especially because he’s in every corner of Seoul._ But that’s part of his charm. It’s a breath of fresh air, talking to someone who has no idea of his other life and doesn’t treat him like a commodity. For once, after a long time, Taehyun felt comfortable in his own skin whenever he talks to Beomgyu. 

It’s a bonus that he's also incredibly beautiful. Beomgyu is just so clueless and unaware of how handsome he really is. Taehyun often wonders how Beomgyu is not a celebrity himself. He is effortlessly fashionable, the camera loves his face and, he has the sweetest smile ever and the first time Taehyun saw it in a photograph, he felt his heart stutter.

He didn’t know he’d be attracted to the same sex until he met Beomgyu. To be fair, he never really thought he’d be attracted to anyone ever. But he had never wanted to see someone that bad until Beomgyu sent him that photograph. He wanted to see him as soon as possible, just to be sure its not a scam…. because surely, someone that good looking cant be unpopular. Granted, he’s a bit awkward, a little bit insecure, but he’s incredibly talented.

Beomgyu is everything Taehyun is not. He’s so naturally himself, soft spoken, selfless to a fault and his patience with Taehyun’s antics is unheard of _(even his sunbaes and his manager can’t keep up with him sometimes)_. He thought he could keep it to himself…. keep Beomgyu to himself and away from this world. If only he could continue to hide who he is, remain friends with him, he would have.

It is his fault, anyway. If only he admitted the truth to him since the beginning. If only didn’t he kiss him and scare him off by selfishly forcing his feelings on him. Maybe, they could’ve remained friends and he could’ve continued pining for him.

He shifts in his seat and sighs, getting annoyed at himself. Sojung notices, “Are you okay, Taehyun-sshi?”

“Will you do something if I say no?”

Sojung blinks at him. By then, she’s already used to his bad moods so she just shrugs and continues to check her notebook, begins dictating the schedule for the last leg of their China trip. If his memory serves him right, he still has another week to complete. He tunes her out again, this time turning on the music loud so he won’t hear her.

He closes his eyes, luckily with the traffic, he’d be out like a lightbulb once they reach the club.  
____

He wakes up from his phone vibrating in his pocket and Sojung shaking him up awake, “Taehyun-sshi, we’re almost there.”

The woman is giving him a mirror to check his hair and makeup. He huffs in annoyance but takes it anyway. _Appearances are an integral part of his career_. He has to remind himself as he fixes his hair again. Sojung told him yesterday that they need to style his hair before they go back to Seoul. He had the choice to perm it or have it coloured to platinum blue and of course, he chose the latter.

“Are you ready?” Sojung asks him as their car pulls over the club where lots of fans and media are already crowding the car. Taehyun looks at his reflection. He looks different today—a new look his stylist chose which gives his skin an unnatural glow under the lights but at least, he’s not wearing eyeshadow today. He hates wearing makeup, but its part of the job. He nods at Sojung who grabs the handle of the car door when his phone started ringing.

He looks down the moment the door opens and he’s blinded by the flashing lights of the camera that he fails to see who’s calling.

_[Incoming call from Beomgyu hyung….]_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cant tell when i will be able to write or upload the next chapter since my uni has given tons of project to submit :"(  
> anyways i will try my best! feel free to comment!


	7. Of Fallacies And Goodbyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> beomgyu makes a decision of haste. taehyun gets a drastic realization. and we can see more from taehyun's pov.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uni was killing me but i made time and updated the seventh chapter.

Beomgyu got an unexpected visitor the next day. He didn’t know how he knew or why he even bothered, but Jeon Jeongguk came into his room, bringing forth a bouquet of fresh flowers.

Soobin stayed with him that day and he looked mesmerized by the tall, handsome guy visiting his senior. “Beomgyu-sshi”, Jeongguk greets him with a smile, handing the flowers to Soobin who took them from him. “Pardon my intrusion but the secretary of the studio told me what happened and I wanted to make sure you're okay.”

Beomgyu smiles, “That’s so kind of you Jeongguk hyung but you really didn’t have to do this.” It’s a bit weird, really. He wonders how many _employees_ or people under this man does he randomly visit to check on their health.

“Someone begs to disagree.” Jeongguk says in barely a whisper.

“Sorry, what?”

“Nothing”, Jeongguk smiles, shaking his head and eyeing Beomgyu carefully, “So what happened?”

“Overfatigue and dehydration, sir.” Soobin supplies, seeing the reluctance in Beomgyu’s face. Jeongguk looks shocked but he does give an understanding nod, “An artist’s sickness, I see. You remind me of someone I know.”

“What do you mean, Jeongguk hyung?”

“Lets just say this happened to my brother too.” Jeongguk doesn’t answer and just looks around the room, like he's surveying it.

“Ah…. right.” Beomgyu nods, remembering the _half brother_ he mentioned before. _Still doesn’t explain why he's here._ Jeongguk notices his apprehension and gives him a gentle smile, “Yeonjun-sshi and I are talking last night and he wanted to show me the samples for the wood options we can use for the wood panelled walls. I told him we can do it here since I still want to hear your opinion.”

It makes sense, then. Beomgyu thinks because he's still an expert on woodwork and metalwork in their team.

Yeonjun arrives a little later, bringing blocks of wood to show Jeongguk who is eagerly listening to the pros and cons of using each of them. In the end he listens to what Yeonjun is suggesting and makes his choice of using _Pau Amarello’s_ , hoping that the yellow hue will give the teahouse a bright, cheerful atmosphere.

After this, Jeongguk takes his leave, assuring Beomgyu that they still have the project despite the delay in the final design. He wishes Beomgyu better health the next time they meet before walking out of the hospital room.

Soobin leaves as well, after instructions from Yeonjun about sending the client’s choice to the supplier.

“We’re almost at eighty percent completion with KTH studio”, Yeonjun says. “The metal logo was delivered yesterday so installation is taking place as we speak. The stools and rest of the furniture will arrive tomorrow so you doing have to worry about anything.”

“Yeonjun hyung.” Beomgyu can still feel the tension between them and he hates it. He needs to clear the air once and for all. Yeonjun looks at him with an uneasy look and the words refused to come out of him. He's such a good friend…...he cant lie to him again. He cant promise he will take care of himself better because honestly, he sucks at it.

But he can at least tell him what happened.

_“He found me.”_ He says softly and Yeonjun’s face falls. “What- “

Beomgyu reaches to grab both of Yeonjun’s hands, “He sent me the tie. The one which he always used on me, the one he bound me with. Hyung, he's sending me a message. He knows where I am and he will get me. He always will.”

Yeonjun is just looking at his hands from where he is holding him, eyes clouded as he clings to him vigorously. When Yeonjun finally looks at him, there's confusion and underlying anger underneath.

“He wont. I’ll make sure of it.”

___

He got discharged the next day but was still out of commission for at least two more days after that. During those days, he and Yeonjun had drew a plan to take him out of Seoul.

The first thing they did was to drop him out of the KTH Studio project. This really didn’t sit well with him because the project meant a lot to him and not seeing it until the end is a small heartbreak he had to take. He understands full well if he continues to work in that space—its dangerous not only to himself but to everyone in the studio.

They agree that the project in Ansan-si would be a great opportunity for Beomgyu to leave Seoul temporarily. He can look for an apartment there and be within reach should anything come up. Of course, he couldn’t go alone and Yeonjun couldn’t really just leave KTH Studio just the same so one staff, Hueningkai volunteered to go with him under the guide of assisting him with the project.

Explaining to the staffs about the sudden change was not easy, especially to Soobin who witnessed first hand Beomgyu’s panic attack. He is very insightful but luckily for him, he's not a blabbermouth and mostly keeps his opinions to himself.

It takes another week for them to arrange everything, to empty out Beomgyu’s current apartment, find an apartment in Ansan-si, and to pack and ship out their things, just the essentials anyway because the rest of Beomgyu’s things had to be kept in a storage. Their timeline considered it will take another three months for them to finish the project and Beomgyu hopes that’s enough time to remove Byung-hoon from his trail. He hopes its enough time for him to restabilize his life.

“Here.”

Beomgyu looks up at the can of coffee Yeonjun is offering. He accepts it with a small thanks. “Hueningkai?” he asks and Yeonjun gestures the other end of the bar where the kid is ordering another plate of noodles.

They're already on their way to Ansan-si where Hueningkai complained about being hungry. So they had to do a quick stopover at the first food stall they saw. Turns out it was a ramen stall sitting on the side of the streets.

Beomgyu smirks amused at how the kid can eat so much and gain a little weight. Yeonjun shakes his head, “I don’t know why you let him come here. Soobin would have been a better option.”

Beomgyu would’ve agreed if he didn’t know Hueningkai would do anything just to remove himself from Yeonjun’s radar. “You give him too little credit. He's not half as bad.”

“You just like him because he treats you like god incarnate.”

He burst out laughing but didn’t totally deny it. He shrugs, “Not my problem. I’m more likeable than you.”

“Huh.” Is what Yeonjun only says but he also doesn’t deny it. They sit in silence, with only sound of the television between them. Both he and Yeonjun are done eating. He didn’t finish the bowl, somehow his ramen standards have gone way up.

After a while, Yeonjun hands him an envelope.

“What's this?” Beomgyu asks.

“Your new number. I took the liberty to apply for a new one just to be safe.”

He stares at the white envelope like it offended him. But he takes it anyway. “Ah…...” he nods, clutching it between his fingers tightly.

_He had agreed to do this, didn’t he? He was part of the planning; he even chose the apartment they're going to live in! so why? Why does he think he's running away again?_

He pushes the thought away as Hueningkai sits down beside him with a fresh bowl of ramen, looking satisfied.

“How can you eat so much and gain so little weight?” Yeonjun asks and Hueningkai grins. “I’m a growing boy. I need to eat for muscles.”

“You do know you're just loading up on carbs, right?”

“Yeah, so?”

Yeonjun shakes his head. “You're hopeless, kid.”

Beomgyu looks a the two of them fondly. He's about to join their banters when something on the television catches his attention.

_“Our guest for today is a group of talented young men who just got back from China for their comeback single! Lets all welcome…..Tomorrow by Together!”_

Beomgyu turns abruptly to the television, trying to make sense of the blurry images on the screen as the members say their greetings.

_Hello. I’m Kang Taehyun, the second youngest of the group. I'm excited to meet everyone today._

The mere sound of his voice is enough to send a thunderstorm inside him. With the recent events, he has failed to check on what’s happening to him. _Kang Taehyun is back from China._ He misses losing sleep for their late night conversations. He misses listening to his endless rants. He just misses him terribly and he wonders if he does, too.

A small hopeful voice inside his head tells him to try to send him a message. But he shuts it out immediately.

_“Today, they will tell us about their exciting trip in China and perform their new single for us.”_

The male host sounds too excited, too eager it almost seems fake. Beomgyu wonders if he knows just how much passion it involved to release a single song. He thinks about the nights when Taehyun is being a kid and ranting unnecessarily about the long day he had and yet still up next morning, ready to go.

_“Also their second maknae has some news for us.”_ The female host adds and Beomgyu involuntarily perks up in attention.

_“Oh yes. Yes. I heard about that so we’ll have a one on one session with him later, wont we? To answer some juicy questions from the fans.”_

There's a split second, a fleeting moment when Beomgyu is looking, that the image in the television becomes clear and its like a moment of divine intervention or cruel joke of fate because it comes at the exact time when the camera pans to Taehyun’s smiling face and a wave of nostalgia fills him.

He looks different—what with that platinum blue hair that complements the greyish eyeshadow on the corner of his eyes giving them a deep-set look. But his smile is the same—albeit a bit tired, probably from all the travelling, but it has the same boyish charm and glow.

He misses him. He misses to listening his his day went and his endless complaints. He misses the selfies he used to send and the way he gives him updates every now and then, even if Beomgyu doesn’t reply. He misses him calling him Hyungie over and over again until he pretends to get annoyed. He misses getting hundreds of notifications on his phone from the guy. He misses the way Taehyun reveals himself bit by bit over their conversations. He misses him. Misses his persistent, stubborn, clingy presence that is constantly there.

“Hyung, are you okay?” Hueningkai asks beside him and he realizes what he's doing. He looks down at his hand and sees the envelope crumpled in his closed fists. Yeonjun is watching him curiously, an obvious question on his face. He shakes his head, “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I think we have to go.”

He opens the envelope when he rides the pickup, replacing his number and letting go of the final connection he had with Taehyun.  
___

“We’ll do the solo interview next.”

The floor director gestures at the makeup artist to attend Taehyun who immediately rushes to the stage with her assistant to fix whatever they see needs fixing, a wisp of hair gone out of place, a drop of sweat—all that. They should not miss anything because as always, Taehyun needs to look perfect for the cameras.

They just finished performing their comeback single and despite the air conditioner blasting freezing air to the studio, all the members of TXT are sweaty from all the dancing. The rest of the members, however were already whisked off to the backstage to prepare for the fan meet prepared outside of the studio and only Taehyun who is still scheduled for the solo interview is still standing on the stage with the hosts.

There's a flurry of activities beside him—production crew clearing the stages, pushing chairs and rearranging the set so they could prepare for the interview segment; TXT’s fan club are sitting on the studio benches right in front of him—some girls waving at him and squeals in delight when he as much as throws them a cheeky grin.

Sojung nods in approval at the corner of his eyes before she comes up to him to give him some cue cards, “Here are the questions they will ask and I also wrote the answers you will say.” She says pointed at the highlighted text on the sheet of paper next to the questions. They are in larger letters and printed in bold just in case he gets confused.

“Remember Taehyun-sshi, this is a live recording so it is very important for you to stick to the script.”

She adds before the hair stylist is asking her to move to the side so she could brush his hair up.

Taehyun hums non-committedly, knowing interviews, how much he hates it, is part of the job. Live interviews are even worse because there's no room for errors. The director cant just say _cut_ and repeat the interview all over again or at least edit it. Whatever he says, he knows he will be out there before they can ever do anything to fix it. Honestly, he doesn’t understand why his management still allows him to do this. They know how rebellious he can get sometimes.

As least the hosts of this show are pleasant and fun to talk with, hopefully that is enough to keep the conversation casual. The floor director signals them to get ready as they’ll start the broadcast soon. One of the hosts, gestures for Taehyun to stand in the middle and he does so, watching the floor director count using his fingers.

_Three, two, one, Action!_

“Welcome back everyone! You just saw TXT’s comeback single, _Can’t you see me._ What can you guys say about it?” the host asks and the rest of the hosts talk one by one, singing praises for the song. Taehyun doesn’t really listen to them and just plasters on a smile so it _yes or no_. He always chooses to answer yes so he wont have to explain.

They talk about his recent endorsement deal with a sports drink company and the partnership he has with Liu Yifei. They ask how it is working with her for a commercial and he diligently says what's on the script. _She’s very beautiful and very kind. I cant wait to work with her again._

Its actually quite amazing how they can hold a conversation with him. Taehyun has always been known as the _man of few words_ which is euphemism for a _conversation killer._ But the program meant for the interview is short anyway. Just the host asking him about his present and future projects and a portion where two fans from the audience will be called to ask him a question each. Both fans were given the questions they needed to ask him and he already has the answers to each of them.

So when the time came from one fan who would supposedly ask him if there are any upcoming TV series he's planning to do in the future, he got surprised when the said girl decides to ask instead, “You always joke that you cant love anyone, is it still true today? Have you really not fallen in love with anyone?”

The silence in the entire studio is indicative of the shock that has fallen on everyone. Taehyun is looking at the cheeky grin on the girl’s face and he finds how he can relate to it so much. _She’s a rebel, just like me._ He likes that—but the rest of the people in the studio, didn’t. especially not his manager. He sees the floor director gesture at the hosts to say something or just make start a recovery, probably to brush off the question as something too personal and proceed to the next girl waiting to ask the question.

The main host did the prior, telling the girl its too personal of a question and for sure Taehyun wouldn’t want to share something that intimate. Taehyun doesn’t even get to respond back before they are moving on to the actual question the girl should’ve asked.

He answers the question robotically, having already memorized the script. But his mind left on that question— _have you really not fallen in love with anyone?_

It pulls an image out of the depths of his brain…..wide, bright eyes, a smile that is too sweet it should be deemed illegal. The question sticks to him even after the show, for thanking the host for a great show despite the hiccups; backstage in his dressing room as he waits with the other members of TXT to be called to the fan meeting.

He sinks into one of the dressing room chairs and stares blankly at himself. He looks different with platinum blue hair and he wonders what Beomgyu would say on his new look. _Taehyunnie always looks good._ That’s what he always says and he believes him easily. Its easy to, Beomgyu never needs to say the right words to please people…he just does it anyway because that’s who he is.

The last time he got some news from him was, after he so much as begged Jeon Jeongguk to drop by the hospital to make sure everything’s okay with him. His brother was amused but did it for him anyway. He didn’t want to admit it to his brother, but he felt so much relief when he found out he's okay. He realised that no matter how hard he tries, he can never get Beomgyu out of his system that easily.

He misses him. His patient, constant presence anchors Taehyun to the ground. He misses how much he can be himself and not be afraid to be judged. He misses talking to him in the late hours of the night, both of them barely awake but refusing to cut the call short. He didn’t tell Beomgyu but, there are many times he had fallen asleep before Taehyun and he doesn’t cut the call right away, and he just listens to that soft breathing on the other side of the line until he falls asleep too.

_Have you really not fallen in love?_  
__

“I’ll have the team deliver the rest of your stuff tomorrow, Taehyun-sshi.” Sojung tells him as he steps out of the car and onto the pavement in front of his upscale apartment right in the heart of Seoul.

The fan meeting went on as normal, despite Taehyun feeling cold and distant. Thankfully, his fans are already used to his personality and actually likes how aloof he gets so they didn’t see anything wrong in how he was acting. He does manage to sneak in a few smiles here and there, every time he sees Sojung gesturing him to do so.

It’s a pretty tamed crowd compared to the other fan meets he went to, but it still drained him of energy and he just can’t wait to go back home to his apartment. None of the members had the chance to go home ever since they got back from China two days ago. They still had some engagements to go to as a group and its just logically better to have them in one place.

Taehyun doesn’t really complain, considering the hotels they stayed in are usually complete with amenities and comfort…. but still, living from hotel to hotel can get tiring at times. So, when he sees the familiar space of his home, he can’t help but feel an easy familiarity.

His apartment is a typical bachelor’s pad with its white and black design features. It’s a studio apartment which he expanded into a loft just to give him more space to store his stuff. The loft area is where his bed is, and he still thinks its just a stupid idea because its so _fucking hard to crawl up the stupid stairs when you're dying of sleep._

He took a well-deserved shower and grabbed a well-deserved beer when he heard his phone ring. He tries to ignore it, but it rings again. Sighing, he picks it up and sees its coming from his other manager.

“Oh, Taehyun-sshi! I finally got through you!”

Its Kim Taehyung—technically Jeon Jeongguk’s assistant, but currently also working for him for the KTH Studio. He had been too busy during the China trip that he had to take over the entire process and just reported the status to him.

Just like the usual times, and unlike Sojung, Kim Taehyung is a man who gets straight to the point. He starts his status report immediately, rambling on about some details about the upcoming turnover of the project and the event he's planning to do to launch the studio. Taehyun listens to this man half-heartedly, knowing he’ll eventually send him an email detailing their conversation and he could just look at it tomorrow when he has some decent sleep and his brain still working.

In between his chatter, some detail caught his attention. Yeonjun is now the lead designer for this project because Beomgyu had dropped out. He stops his rambles and confirms this.

“Yes, I don’t know the full details yet but I’m no longer coordinating with Beomgyu-sshi for the project.” He hums, “Is there a problem, Taehyun-ah?”

Taehyun doesn’t answer as he continues on with his one-sided conversation. Taehyun’s mind is racing…. _did Beomgyu also find out he's the owner of KTH Studio?_ Sure, they were not so vague with naming the studio after him, but it could have been anyone. Besides, they kept the project under wraps for a few months now.

“When did he drop out?”

Kim Taehyung sounds confused when he says, “I don’t know exactly, but the last thing he did for us is the logo which I showed you. He wasn’t there when it was installed, too. Anyway, it must be a conflict with his health. He had been sickly during those days.” He pauses, “Why do you ask?”

“Nothing.” He says and lets him finish. His mind, however, is running. He wants to know what really happened. He has this lingering suspicion that Beomgyu did this because of him. _Is that really necessary?_ He knows they didn’t end the conversation they had back then in good terms, but its not that bad either. Come to think of it, if he played his cards right, he could even be friends with him.

When they finish the call, Taehyun is in a mess. His head is spinning of the hundreds of possibilities that pushed Beomgyu to do that but could only zero in on one. Still, he wants to talk to Beomgyu and ask him what happened, make sure he's okay…. but he also thinks he wants to do it not for the other guy but for himself. He just misses him. _Selfishly so._ Its been almost a month of radio silence, would it be that difficult for Beomgyu to talk to him again?

_Have you ever fallen in love with someone?_ The question rings in his head again. _No, he has never fallen in love…. not yet, at least._

He picks up his phone again and dials Beomgyu’s number.

_[The number you are calling is out of service. Please check the number and try again.]_

Taehyun feels his heart snapping in two as he continues to listen to that cheery operator’s voice. _Did he ditch his number? When did that even happen?_

He shakes his head, unwilling to change his resolve—he's already taken the first step, so why back out now? Even when a voice in his head, probably the logical part of his brain is telling him to stop, to let it go and just move on. _Beomgyu definitely did._ It’s the most logical thing to do—but he's not really known to make logical decisions in his life.

Which is why he found himself on his motorcycle, thirty minutes later on his way to Beomgyu’s apartment. It has been over a month and even then, it amazes him how he remembers the way to a place he has only set foot once, but he finds himself standing just outside of Beomgyu’s apartment complex.

It should have been easy to know if he's home if Beomgyu’s window is facing the street, but it doesn’t so he has no choice but to enter the complex and head straight to the apartment. His heart is beating so fast, whether from the adrenaline rush of riding the motorcycle or the anxiety of seeing Beomgyu again after a long time…. he doesn’t know and he doesn’t have time to think it through.

When he reaches Beomgyu’s place, something feels amiss. For one—the door is slightly ajar and there is no light coming from inside. _What could’ve happened?_ Panic rises in his chest and he slowly pushes the door open and finds the apartment completely empty.

_Is he at the wrong apartment?_ He goes out the door to check the number again and it’s the correct one. He tries to flick the light switch on and it doesn’t open.

It takes a few moments before everything clicks in his head. He thinks about himself, standing in the dark of an empty apartment—its almost like the scene is cut out of a movie and he's only acting out his part of the script. Its all tragically cinematic, its almost unreal.

Taehyun doesn’t cry on command. He usually musters up all his past insecurities and struggles for him to be able to do a very emotional scene. It takes a while for him to reach that state…. when his emotions are flooding out and he can’t control his emotions. Its something he and the rest of the crew, including the directors are aware of. But right there, in between the empty apartment and a broken heart, Taehyun realizes _how easy it is to cry in the dark._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please dont come at me. kang taehyun is too sweet of a person and im on the verge of yeeting myself away for making him suffer. but, as i promised, the angst.


	8. Isn’t this your choice?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we finally see choi yeonjun's point of view. and a fansign occurs.

Choi Beomgyu hates the cold.

Sadly, Ansan’s temperature really goes down during winter and its getting harder and harder for him to traverse the cold streets from their apartment to Haedabang. Its technically just a fifteen-minute walk from their place—but still, its fifteen minutes in the cold.

He envies Hueningkai who knows how to ride a bike and wished he did learn to do it too. Too late for regrets now, he thinks as he trudged his way to Haedabang, hands already half frozen because he also stupidly forgot his gloves at the apartment he is sharing with his junior.

Its been two weeks since their move in Ansan, during that time, they made significant progress with the project. They already commissioned temp workers to remove the back wall and current flooring of the teahouse. The wood panels they ordered arrived yesterday and after they finished removing the ancient wallpapers on the other walls, they can start installing the panels already.

It’s a relatively hard project but Beomgyu is enjoying every bit of it. Maybe, moving away from Seoul really did him good. They are far from the city noise and people are friendly where they are. Its not rare for him and Hueningkai to receive some freshly picked fruits or home cooked meals from their neighbours and the grocery clerks down the street. Hueningkai thinks its because _Beomgyu is good looking_ , but he thinks they're just really nice.

Hueningkai is already at Haedabang when he arrives—getting busy with plotting down how they will lay down the wooden slats on the floor. Beomgyu checks his progress and gives him a thumbs up in affirmation, “Good work.”

Hueningkai grins at him, “I have to work harder since Yeonjun hyung will join us this week.”

“Ah, right. They will arrive here Friday, yeah?”

“Yeah. I was messaging Soobin hyung last night and asked him to go to our house and get me some extra jackets.”

“You do know you're allowed to leave, right?”

Hueningkai shakes his head, “And get yelled at by Yeonjun hyung? _Never leave him alone._ He told me that explicitly. I will not dare defy him.”

“What am I? A kid?”

“You tell me. I don’t understand Yeonjun hyung sometimes.”

Beomgyu sighs, “Well, he does tend to be overbearing at times but he means well.”

Beomgyu understands Yeonjun’s orders—he does need someone to be with him most of the time just in case byung-hoon makes an appearance. Yeonjun told him about his plans of moving the studio to another office after they received more packages from the guy not only in KTH but their actual studio as well. What they were, he didn’t tell and Beomgyu didn’t ask anymore.

There are still times when he gets paranoid, like he's being watched by someone but he blames on his nerves and shrugs it off. They’ve taken all necessary precautions…. hopefully Byunghoon wont be able to follow him here or if he does, he’d have moved back to Seoul and into a new apartment and a new office.

Worst case scenario is he would have to leave Seoul completely. Transfer to a new city and create a new life. That would be ideal too, but he knows he cant do that now. He still has Haedabang to finish.

He's in the process of mixing some paint for one of the walls, when a sleek, black car honks and pulls over to the road right in front of Haedabang. At first Beomgyu thinks he's been found and holds his breath but he sighs in relief when Jeon Jeongguk gets out of the car looking pristine as ever.

Just like the car, Jeongguk looks terribly out of place in the rural setting. But he moves with ease as he navigates through the bodies of the workers moving with single purpose—to finish this within the deadline.

Hueningkai looks at him questioningly but he gives him a reassuring smile before he walks towards Jeongguk, wiping his paint stained hands on his apron. The man sees him and smiles, “Beomgyu-sshi.”

“Jeongguk hyung.” He greets back, “You should’ve told me you're coming. I would’ve worn something more decent.”

He's in dark green overalls, black shoes plus the paint stained apron. He had clipped some of his bangs off his face because they have actually grown a little longer this time. Jeongguk gives him a do-over, “I don’t see the need to do so.”

Beomgyu stops himself from rolling his eyes, “Why are you here by the way, boss? Making sure you're getting your money’s worth?”

“Well, I could say that, but really I just have to visit grandma.” He says but he's also looking around. Beomgyu has to explain that they are merely starting with the renovations which is why it looks worse than the original but Jeongguk assures him he completely understands.

_Its an old place. Lots of things needs to be removed._

“Are you heading this project now, Beomgyu-sshi?”

“Uh, yeah…..I've temporarily moved here since two weeks ago.”

Jeongguk looks surprised and Beomgyu remembers Yeonjun wanted as much as possible to limit the number of people who knows his whereabouts. “And what about KTH Studio? Is that done already?”

“Oh that, the turnover will happen this week.”

“So you'll go back to Seoul by then?”

“Oh, no. I dropped that project already.” He says, casually, “Yeonjun hyung had been heading that project now.”

Jeongguk looks a bit confused and worried by his revelation which honestly doesn’t come as a surprise considering the project is his brother’s, so Beomgyu felt the need to say, “Don’t worry. That project is in good hands. Yeonjun hyung is very reliable. Sometimes even more so than me.”

His little joke didn’t seem to work as there is still a worried look on Jeongguk’s face. He meant to ask but the guy beat him to it, “Why did you do it? Is there a conflict with your schedule?”

Beomgyu frowns at the question and there must be something telling in his face because Jeongguk backs off immediately, “I’m just curious, Beomgyu-sshi….if you would indulge me?”

He shakes his head and smiles, “Ah, well if I must tell you, no its not because of conflict in my schedule, Jeongguk hyung. I dropped out of the project due to personal reasons.”

He thought his answer may have raised more questions but the guy in front of him just hums in contemplation, putting a hand under his chin, “I see.”

“Anyway, Yeonjun hyung and his crew will be here this Friday. Right after they turn over the studio. Will your brother be there?”

“He could be. But he's distant lately….”, he sighs, “Well, a little more than usual.”

Beomgyu chuckles, “You did mention he can be a brat sometimes.”

Jeongguk gives him a small smile, “That, I did.”

They spent few hours just talking about the teahouse, the differences in wood, textile and different fabrics. The conversation flows naturally and Beomgyu is happy to once again have a decent conversation with someone not within his circle. Its already around noon when the man finally told him he’d have to excuse himself for a lunch meeting. Beomgyu escorted him out.

“The place agrees with you here,”

“Hmm?” Beomgyu looks up at the man. He's just a few inches taller but his domineering presence makes him feel small.

“You look happier.” Jeongguk says before he slips into his car leaving a confused and blushing Beomgyu.

\----------

Yeonjun is extra antsy today—which really shouldn’t be the case because this is the finish line of the project. Ninety-nine percent of the work is already being done and so far, and after their final inspection, everything is right where they should be and, in their tip-top shape.

But, he cant help it. Final turnovers are stressful because past experiences told him that the client always, ALWAYS finds a flaw in the execution of the plan _they_ approved of. Even if the client is there during the process and does regular visits on the site. They will always find something amiss.

Which brings him to KTH Studio. He has never met the owner and only met his assistant, Kim Taehyung, a handful of times so he completely relies on the emails and KakaoTalk messages he had with them. The project is a little bit of a secret and it makes sense that the owner would want some to remain anonymous until the last minute— _heck, they even had to sign an NDA before they started the project!_

Today’s the first time he and his team will meet the elusive owner and he made sure they look decent enough. When he imagines the owner of KTH Studio, he thinks about a top media executive…. maybe in his mid-forties who owns an agency and is needing a place to train new idol wannabes without giving away anything to his competition. He imagines a guy with salt and pepper hair, well maintained beard, right amount of wrinkles who is going old gracefully.

What he didn’t expect to come through the door of the studio is a young, impeccably dressed, celebrity looking man escorted by Kim Taehyung and one bulky man in a black suit _(probably his bodyguard)_. Its interesting to note that even the man is just wearing casual clothes—denim jacket with stud details, black undershirt, beige trousers and a pair of white loafers, he still struts into the workroom like a movie star.

Oddly enough, he looks so familiar and only when Minhee says “ _isn’t that Kang Taehyun?_ ” does he remember seeing that face in billboards on the streets and in the television. The staff come alive with a buzz, starstruck at seeing a celebrity. Yeonjun is less impressed. Okay, its probably cool the owner of the studio is a famous celebrity…..but he just really wants to get this over with.

He still has the move and transportation to Ansan to think about. He wont be flustered by this person. Taehyun stops in front of him, in all his dazzling glory. He has to admit, this guy looks perfect in every way but as if that would intimidate him. He fixes his shirt as Kim Taehyung introduces him.

He offers his hand and Taehyun takes it, “Its great to finally meet you, Yeonjun-sshi.”

Taehyun is looking at him like he had seen him before for a while and a memory keeps pushing itself into his consciousness, but before he could actually read through it, Kim Taehyung moves them along to the tour where he will show the actual work they did in the studio.

The guy doesn’t give any reaction during the entire tour, he's not complaining at all, but he's also not saying he likes it. This generally, isn’t a bad thing, Yeonjun thinks. Even if he's not complimenting the works they have done, at least he's also not asking them to change some little things. Yeonjun just continues to discuss and explain every buts and pieces of information on all the choices of materials, the installation processes of the place, etc.

The most reaction he got was when they arrived at the main lobby where the guy at least looks mesmerized by Beomgyu’s mural. Its an expected reaction, though. The mural is the highlight of the entire place, it definitely sets the mood of the dance studio and all the designs are incorporated into that artwork.

Really, it’s a beautiful artwork, but Yeonjun needs him to move on.

Finally, after Taehyun staring at the artwork for at least an hour _(he's overreacting, its probably just at least fifteen minutes)_ , Yeonjun walks up to Kim Taehyung and asks if they can already start with the paperwork. The man gladly agreed and they head back to one of the offices at the back of the studio to complete the turnover.

It takes another hour before the turnover is finally complete as there were lots of papers to fill and sign. Taehyun, after coming out of his trance finally joins them to sign papers. After that, it’s a pretty quick process. The full payment will be deposited to their account after a month of their full turnover, just to make sure that nothing is amiss.

After that, they prepare to take their leave……but not before Taehyun asking him where the artist of the mural was. Yeonjun does find it a bit weird that the guy to ask _where_ the artist is and not who the artist is. For all he knows, its one of the staffs or its him. But he just gave a non-committal smile and said, “He quit a month ago”, before he turned away.

They pack up their things and leave as well, feeling a bit nostalgic as they closed the door of the studio one last time. It has been their home and office for almost four months. It bared witness to all his late nights and early mornings. All the arguments and laughter they had for the past few months.

Its an artist’s sickness. You pour your heart out to a single project, spend sleepless hours on it, and when its done, you just leave a part of you in it. He understands it now, seeing some of the staff getting teary eyed as they walk away. He's a little emotional himself.

He wonders if that’s exactly how Beomgyu felt leaving the project behind. Thinking about the other guy makes Yeonjun think of the past weeks when their communication mostly consists of short updates in KakaoTalk, some photos on the progress of both project and nothing more.

He misses Beomgyu’s presence. The guy has always been beside him no matter what his temper is _(and he does have a temper)_ or how infuriating he might be. The staff also knows this, saying he's much more agreeable with Beomgyu around and a bit moodier when he's not.

They note with amusement how impatient he was to finish the turnover and how excited he looks at the potential of finally following Beomgyu in Ansan. Its normal, they're friends. But, he also often wonders if that’s what normal friends do or feel.

Well, _how does he feel?_ He doesn’t even know or understand his own feelings.

The next day, they arrive at Ansan early in the morning. Hueningkai meets them in one of the stopovers and escorts them to the apartment. As the other staff settled, he drives himself to the location site alone with nothing but the questions in his head.

The old teahouse definitely looks like an old building under construction. Its façade is boarded up and there are some people walking in and out, carrying stuff and equipment. He parks right outside it and looks for Beomgyu.

He doesn’t understand his excitement at all. _They're just friends, right?_

He finds Beomgyu inside the teahouse, already started painting one wall with a bright, cheerful mural that looks like a field of dandelions. He was wearing dark blue overalls with a white undershirt, hair a little longer and bangs clipped to the side of his face. Yeonjun thinks how Beomgyu himself looks part of the mural he is painting, he wants to take a photograph of it.

_But, wouldn’t that be weird?_

The moment Beomgyu sees him, a smile blossoms on his face and its even brighter than the yellow, orange hues of the painting behind him. Yeonjun smiles back.

Right there and then, looking at Beomgyu, he suddenly understands now.

\----------

_~Taehyun-sshi, I cancelled the tv guesting tomorrow. I think you should rest for now since you looked really unwell last night._

_~I’ll drop by later to bring you some medicine._

_~Jeongguk-sshi also called me to ask how you are._

_~Complained you're not replying to him._

_~You're not replying to me either._

_~Are you sure you're okay?_

_~Are you even alive?_

_~Don’t seen zone me!_

_~Fine. I’ll just see you later._

Taehyun’s head feels like its being cut open. The last shoot they had for this MV was done under fake rain. He spent around five hours drenched in the rain during winter. Its torture and its no wonder he came down with the flu.

It started with a scratchy throat, then colds, then a really high fever last night and now he has a full-blown migraine which is by far, the worst. He would have usually soldiered through this and attended his usual appearances, but it’s the fear of infecting others that made Sojung cancel his schedule for this week.

Its his fault. He should have taken better care of himself. So this migraine is probably his penalty for being so careless with his health. He's currently wallowing in self pity when his doorbell buzzes and he curses internally at whoever it is coming to visit unannounced. It shouldn’t be Sojung or Kim Taehyung, otherwise they would have just barged in.

He really wasn’t expecting anyone so its quite a surprise when he finds Jeongguk at the door, frowning at his current state. He cant blame him—if anybody saw him now, they’d quickly mistake him from some random wayward, hooligan child. He's wearing his huge, thick purple hoodie and some rundown grey pants, a mask covering his face not because people would recognize him but he's actually pretty infectious.

“Wow.” Jeongguk manages to blurt out before Taehyun rolls his eyes at him, “Hyung, what are you doing here?”

“I wanted to check on you.” He says looking at Taehyun up and down, “And I’m glad I did. Damn, if anybody could see you now, they'd finally see I’m the better looking one.”

“Ha ha.” Taehyun sneers, going back inside, straight to the couch where he was lying down moments ago _(those damn ladders really keep him from enjoying his bed)_. He pulls the thick blanket over his head, hoping Jeongguk would get the message and just leave him alone.

He doesn’t, instead he sits on the chair across him. “So, I just came from Ansan recently.”

Its not surprising, really. His brother has been everywhere so he wonders why he's telling him this now.

“Remember that artist you begged me to visit in the hospital?”

It takes a lot of effort for Taehyun for not to tear the sheets away from his face and just demand Jeongguk to just go straight to the point. He can feel his heart beating faster and faster as he waits for him to continue, but the freaking sadist is just taking his sweet time.

“What's his name again? The artist?” Jeongguk drags on purposely until Taehyun is so over the fake acting, “I saw him there. He's working on Haedabang.”

 _Oh. So he didn’t quit the agency. Just the project?_ He's glad he feels awful at the moment so his mind can focus on other things and not to that fateful night when he cried himself to oblivion at Beomgyu’s empty apartment. Its embarrassing for him to keep on pining for someone this long or for even actually pining for someone in the first place. 

“You don’t look as surprised or as pleased as I expected.”

Taehyun shrugs, “Its not like I’d do anything about it.”

Jeongguk is looking at him curiously. Taehyun doesn’t want to answer the unraised question of _why?_ Obviously, Beomgyu is moving along just fine and he should, too. He cant stay stuck on someone because he made him feel good. Granted, he has never felt that way on anyone else but there’s really no point in trying to make something work especially if the other person has already said his piece and ran away.

“Well, if that’s the case….”, Jeongguk says, defeated, “I’ll leave you to it.”

The guy stands and walks towards him. Before Taehyun could even protest, Jeongguk was already rubbing his head like he did when they were kids and Taehyun is a lot smaller than he is— _he still is, but not by much._ Taehyun pulls back immediately and Jeongguk laughs, “I called Sojung to buy you some soup and medicine. Go get some rest. You have something coming up next week, yeah?”

“Yeah, yeah. Just go.” Taehyun complains, “Don’t make this any weirder. I’m not a kid anymore.”

“You're still smaller.”

“Only by a few inches.”

“Still smaller.”

“I hate you so much.”

Jeongguk laughs as he walks to the door. “By the way….”, he pauses before he goes out, hand holding the doorknob. “I must admit, I can see the charm.”

“Huh?”

“Choi Beomgyu.” Jeongguk smirks, “He's a pretty charming guy.”

He doesn’t know what face he is making but it makes Jeongguk’s grin grow wider.

\--------

“Hyung, this is our stop.”

Beomgyu knows that he will eventually need to go back to Seoul—maybe he just didn’t expect it to be this soon, but he needs to talk to a glass supplier here and Yeonjun has some other tasks to finish back in Ansan.

Its been a week since Yeonjun and the rest of the staffs arrived and the renovation of Haedabang has been in full swing since then. Everyone’s just too busy so he volunteered himself to go, even if Yeonjun thinks it’s a stupid idea. He counters that he knows glass better than Yeonjun so he finally accepts.

So he and Hueningkai finds themselves in Seoul at a shopping mall on a late winter afternoon. Unsurprisingly, the upscale mall looks as impressive in person as it is in photos. The ten-storey mall had lots of open spaces and designer boutiques some of which you cannot find anywhere else in South Korea. It’s a popular tourist destination if only for this fact

“The supplier will meet us at a café.” Hueningkai says as they get out of the cab and he nods, quickly following the guy. He looks pretty inconspicuous with his outfit today—just an oversized grey checkered button up with some blue denim jeans and a bucket hat he borrowed from Minhee to cover at least half of his face. He thinks its not really being paranoid, but just a precautionary method.

Hueningkai’s stories stop when they reach their floor, but only because there’s a commotion going on in the store right across where they're walking. From the looks of it, a skincare brand is opening a new branch and people are crowding around the entrance for the cutting of the ribbon.

“Oh, a new store is opening again. I wonder what it is.” Hueningkai shouts over the loud roaring of the music as he tries to peek over the heads and backs of other people.

Beomgyu cant really see what's going on but there are a lot of reporters and photographers running around, taking photos and videos which means this is an _important thing._ “Looks like it’s a highly anticipated brand”. Its amazing how Hueningkai can still share his opinion despite the loud music.

Apart from that, there are squeals of delight from groups of fans around them which means there must be a celebrity endorser in the midst of them. Beomgyu feels his phone vibrate which must be a message from the supplier so he reaches out to tap Hueningkai on the shoulder.

But a sharp squeal catches his attention and he looks up and only then did Beomgyu see different fan signs bearing a name that made his heart skip a beat.

_KANG TAEHYUN_

Painted in cardboard with heart icons and flashing in LED signages….the name mocks him. Beomgyu just grabs Hueningkai’s arms to pull him away and the kid looks back at him with confused eyes.

Beomgyu is panicking on the inside as he tugs again on the arm. _Is he here? Will I be able to see him again?_

He gets his answer right away.

Like another one of life’s sick joke, Beomgyu finds an opening in the crowd and there, at the front of the store for a skincare brand, is Taehyun.

The guy is holding a bouquet of pink roses, looking like royalty. Beomgyu holds his breath at how mesmerizing Taehyun always looks. _No wonder he's loved by all._

He already knows he looks good with the platinum blue hair, but now that it had faded into a greyish blue, it gives him a slightly mysterious charm. He also noticed how the guy managed to gain some muscle mass giving him a leaner appearance and _did he grow a couple inches taller?_

“Hueningkai, lets go”. He says as Taehyun regards the crowd with a cheeky grin. He looks pretty confident when the fans around him half squeal and scream his name. Taehyun scans the audience, waving the bouquet of flowers in his hand until he looks at the general direction of where Beomgyu is standing and then a stunned look falls on his face.

Beomgyu freezes on the spot as the world around him goes silent.

They are a few meters apart, with people blocking their way, but he can clearly see his reflection right on those dark eyes. Taehyun may have looked a little different, but his eyes still hold the same magnetic intensity that makes Beomgyu weak on the knees.

Hope and yearning spring up from his chest and its just too late to stop them. He didn’t know how much he had missed Taehyun until that very moment when he's looking directly in those unyielding eyes and feels the walls breaking down once again. _Maybe, maybe._

The words are hanging on his head and before he realizes what he's doing, he already flashes him a small, sheepish smile. He sees a slight purse of lips on the other man—so brief you wont even notice it until you're looking properly.

He doesn’t know what he's expecting in return. A slight nod? A small smirk? Anything at all, but definitely not Taehyun turning away so quickly like he's been burned.

Like he hated seeing him again.

Someone grabs his hand and pulls him away from the crowd. Its Hueningkai who had been talking to him the entire time he was in a trance. “Beomgyu hyung, I’m sorry.” He says, “I was so curious I forgot why we’re here.”

Beomgyu is still looking back on where he came from. He cant see Taehyun from where he's standing which means the other guy also cant see him now. He doesn’t know why, but that simple thought is enough to make him reflect back how selfish he was with him.

 _I push people away_. He smiles bitterly because he realizes its true.

\------

_He's seeing an apparition, is he not? Maybe the meds are still in his system. Maybe he's just imagining things again._

Because he can see Beomgyu standing in the middle of the crowd a few meters away from him. The guy is also staring at him and he almost didn’t recognize him, but of course, he would never mistake that guy for anyone else.

The moment he sees him standing there, with his mismatched clothes and bucket hat, the only thing that goes through his head is, _damn he's so beautiful._

And then he smiles and Taehyun is weak again. He had turned away because if he didn’t, he’d probably jump that distance between them and just embrace him.

He doesn’t care if the other guy pushes him away, punches him or just break his heart all over again…. _fuck, he's okay with anything if that means he can hold him again._

But when he turns back, the guy is already gone. He tries to scan the crowd again, but he's not there. Sojung, who notices his lack of attention to the owner of the store sides up beside him.

“What is it Taehyun-sshi? Are you looking for someone?”

 _So, did he really just imagine him?_ He shakes his head, “No. I thought I just saw someone.”

“Who?”

“…a friend.”

\--------

_~Hi Yeonjun-sshi! We will hold an event to officially launch KTH Studio and the owner wants to invite you and your team. He thinks it’ll do your business good since he can introduce you to some potential clients. Let me know what you think 😊_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its just kind of a filler chapter before the wave crashes. comments and kudos are appreciated.  
> and oh! im writing another fanfic, please give it some love!  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/24985699/chapters/60492421


	9. The First Snow Of Winter Brings Forth A Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> beomgyu and his logical mind telling him to run away.

It is a very long week so to say, for Beomgyu and Yeonjun especially. Their team had finished installing the wooden slats on the floor and the wooden paneled wall at the back.

Even Beomgyu had managed to paint the two murals on the other walls and they are only waiting for the installation of the glass windows that build up the majority of the storefront and the door at the back. Speaking of which, it has been another week since that incident at the mall and Beomgyu hasn’t even told Yeonjun about it.

Its unnecessary, he thinks. Because of the last interaction they had, it seems Taehyun also doesn’t want anything to do with him. Which is by the way totally expected considering how he dealt with him before.

Still, he’d be lying if it didn’t pinch at his heart even for a bit. There's a little hurt inside that he continues to ignore since its unwarranted. In the first place, the only one who wanted to have some space was him.

Instead of sulking, however, he poured all his frustrations into work…and worked harder than he ever did in his life. Yeonjun is worried about him, so the guy made sure that despite this, he is still eating his meals and getting enough rest. Being in one household with everybody else kind of helps.

Yeonjun also wants to make sure everyone stays sane from the stress of work which is why Beomgyu and the rest of the staffs found themselves in a hotpot place on a Friday evening to unwind.

The staffs are still eating but Beomgyu has already finished and was just drinking his peach flavored soju when Yeonjun sits down beside him. The other guy had been drinking since the beginning of dinner and Beomgyu can see he is totally plastered.

Drunk Yeonjun is rare since he knows the guy actually has a deep hatred for alcohol. In fact, its probably been years since Beomgyu last saw him drunk, which means he doesn’t really know what to expect of him. So he's a bit curious about what inspired the guy to drink blindly tonight.

He drapes his entire upper body on the cushioned seat beside Beomgyu and groans. “Are you okay, Yeonjun hyung?”, Beomgyu asks, deeply concerned. The guy is already flushed pink and looking more and more sleepy. He reeks of alcohol. The staffs are also eyeing Yeonjun with deep concern.

“Yeah….” Yeonjun answers but it comes out more of an affirmative groan. Beomgyu chuckles, “You don’t sound like it. How about I take you home now?”

Yeonjun opens his eyes to stare at him and he thought he’d say yes or just protest…but the guy just looks at him. He finds the look weird but he just clears his throat and shrugs off that weird feeling.

He stands up and the rest of the staffs as well. But he tells them to stay and leaves his credit card to Soobin, before he drags Yeonjun out of the shop.

He's smaller than Yeonjun, and he's bulkier which makes Yeonjun heavier by a few pounds so its still a struggle to have some dead weight pulling on his side especially with the unforgiving cold air blowing from every side. He does his best though halfway to their apartment, his legs are already wobbly from the effort and not to mention, he himself had drank some alcohol too. He decides to stop for a while at one of the grocers they pass everyday and deposits Yeonjun on one of the benches outside.

“Yeonjun hyung….” he calls, his speech also a bit slurred. Yeonjun grunts in response. He grabs the man’s shoulder and shakes him awake, “Yeonjun hyung….” another grunt. His patience waning, he shakes him harder. “Choi Yeonjun.”

Yeonjun suddenly opens his eyes and stares at him. “ _Gyu._ ”

He is hit with a wave of nostalgia. Yeonjun only called him that when they were together in art school. But the guy eventually dropped it when they met again at work, a few years later. He smiles at him, “How hammered are you, right now?”

Yeonjun shrugs, “A lot?”

Beomgyu laughs, “If you can understand me, can you do the next fifteen-minute walk on your own?”

There's a wide grin on Yeonjun’s face when he asks the question but he doesn’t answer it. Instead, he raises his hand and gestures Beomgyu to come near. Beomgyu does, leaning closer so he could listen to whatever he will say but suddenly he is being pulled in a tight embrace, Yeonjun’s warm breath right on his neck. The hold is so tight it punches the air out of his lungs.

“Hyung, what— “, he tries to pull away but Yeonjun’s hold just gets tighter. Beomgyu finally lets him, even fondly ruffles his hair like he would do to a brother. He feels Yeonjun shaking against him. At first he wonders if the guy is cold, until he realizes he's crying.

“Yeonjun hyung?” he calls and then he hears three words softly whispered against his ears that suddenly turned his world upside down.

_“I love you.”_

And then Yeonjun kisses him.

\------

Taehyun is scowling at Sojung’s too happy face when he opens the door. It’s a Friday night and after he got so sick to work two weeks ago, they had agreed that weekends will be rest days, no exemptions. But the woman came uninvited to his apartment, claiming to have some good news for him. Good news meant more work and Taehyun admits, he is not the one to complain. But he would have wanted so much not to hear about it on his rare off days.

He still has to be polite so he invites her in and offers her any drink which she refused—which is good because he really had nothing except for water and beer. She sits down on the couch, the smile never leaving her face and maybe Taehyun is imagining it but she seems to be glowing— _no, scratch that_ —gleaming with delight.

Before he even asks, Sojung is already talking, “We got it.”

Taehyun is confused. _Got what?_ He doesn’t remember anything they're working for that warrants that kind of reaction, at the very least. Sure, they got another endorsement for another skincare brand and another for a designer shoe brand, but both of those are _regular jobs_. “We got what exactly?”

“The offer”, Sojung says, rolling her eyes like she cant believe Taehyun asked such a stupid question. And when he is still frowning at her confusingly, she finally loses her patience and takes a white folder from her briefcase to wave in front of his face like a pest, “The project with Liu Yifei!”

Taehyun’s eyes widen. He knows that Sojung has been talking to her management and agency while they were in China, but ever since they got back in Seoul, Sojung never mentioned to him again so he thought its an opportunity long gone.

This is such a big, not to mention promising project that his manager had been dying to get with no help from him, _thank you very much_. In truth, he didn’t expect he’d get it because Sojung mentioned before, Liu Yifei is in demand right now and has offers left and right from other leading men to co-star in her upcoming drama. “How?” he manages to ask and Sojung grins at him.

“Have a little faith in yourself, Taehyun-sshi. Apparently, she likes you very much.”

_Likes him very much?_ He remembers the last project they had, a commercial for a sports drink and they barely even talked during the shoot on set or in the press event. “How?” he asks again, not believing Sojung.

The woman shrugs, “I think she fell for your cold, aloof charm? I don’t really know, but we got the project so congratulations are in place!”

Sojung was beaming at him and Taehyun had to sit down. A hundred thoughts are running through his head. Starring beside Liu Yifei will boost his career and pave his way to the Chinese audience. It’s a huge opportunity he cant afford to miss. He only has to reach out and grab it, but—

_Wait._ “So, am I going to live in China?”

Sojung stops talking because apparently, she still is and stares at him, “Yes? The contract does say you have to stay in China for at least a year for shooting then you’d be allowed two months’ vacation before you need to go back again for the promotion of the show.”

Taehyun thinks about it….it all seems too unreal right now. China had been like a second home to him and he does have good memories in it when he lived there for a year. But it wasn’t all fun and games.

Sojung seems to sense his hesitance then and says, “Taehyun-sshi. Are you okay?”

Of course. He has to say yes. He knows what this project would cost him and what it would give him. The benefits generally outweigh the cons. Also, he's not the same innocent kid anymore. He definitely can survive on his own. He knows all of these, but when he looks at Sojung, he asks her, “Can you give me a minute to think?”

Sojung blinks at him, surprised at how simple and gentle the request had been. The shock comes to his favour as Sojung nods and tells him that he has an early shoot tomorrow before taking her leave.

Taehyun was at a loss of words when Sojung left him with his thoughts. Going to China for a few weeks is one thing, staying there for more than a year is another. He knows for sure, he will do it. But something is stopping him, like an unfinished business.

He picks up his phone and dials Jeongguk’s number. The guy answers on the fourth ring.

“Taehyun! To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I need his number.”

“Number? What number and whose?”

“Beomgyu hyung. I need his number.”

“Beomgyu? You mean Choi Beomgyu?”

“Yes. Him.” He is getting more and more impatient as the guy continues to drag the conversation on.

He hears Jeongguk sigh. “Taehyun. Why are you doing this?”

He wants to spite him and tell him its none of his business but he knows better than to annoy the person who is probably his only connection to the guy, so he says, “I am going back to China. I’ll stay there for more than a year or two.” He says, “And I really just want to talk to him before I do this.”

“Oh so Sojung already told you? Congratulations Taehyun.”

“I need his number hyung.”

“Why?” Jeongguk isn’t budging and Taehyun hates him more.

“Because I like him.” He says flatly and adds, “I still do. I mean…. I saw him last week…. or maybe I think its him…. but it doesn’t matter if its him or not…. because even if it isn’t its still his face I saw.”

“You're not making any sense.”

“Yes.” Taehyun admits, “And I cant really admit it. But when I saw him…. or when I think I saw him; I felt the same thing I felt months ago when I first saw him. It didn’t even change. It just got stronger….and I don’t know, its got to be something right?”

He releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding. There is a silence on the other end of the line and he thinks that Jeongguk has hung up. Until the guy sighs and says, “Kang Taehyun.”

“……”

“He's already happy.”

Taehyun bites on his nail—a nervous habit he had developed when he was a trainee. “I know….and I just….” He doesn’t know what to do. He wants to shout at Jeongguk for making things difficult for him when it shouldn’t have been but it doesn’t. Instead, he sinks down on the sofa in defeat. “Jeongguk hyung, I understand that…. but this…. I know I’m being selfish and I shouldn’t be but….”

Another deadbeat silence.

Taehyun is about to say goodbye when Jeongguk clicks his tongue, “Fine. I’ll give you his phone number, but promise me one thing.”

He suddenly feels ecstatic. Damn, he can promise him anything right now, just for that mobile number, “What?”

“If he runs away again, stop chasing after him.”  
\-------  
Beomgyu pushes Yeonjun away, holding his hand over his mouth as the heat of Yeonjun’s lips linger on him. The guy backs away from him but he doesn’t look at all shocked or apologetic.

“What are you doing!?” Beomgyu snaps.

Yeonjun continues to just drunkenly stare at him and Beomgyu sees the pain in those eyes, underneath all that alcohol, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to….” he tries to say and then, after probably realizing he probably didn’t mean to apologize he stops and says, “No…..actually…..I meant to do that.”

He takes a few steps towards Beomgyu who backs away equally. A flash of pain crosses his face again before he says, “Beomgyu. I do love you.”

Beomgyu has to take a few shallow breaths to still himself. He looks at Yeonjun and sees the guy who has always been there in his lowest, who willingly help put him back together when he's nothing but broken pieces of his past self, who trusts him more than he even trusts himself—this guy who selflessly protects him, bends over backward just to make sure he's safe, protected and loved.

And all he can think of is, _what the hell did I do to him?_ This guy…he should have been in love with. But he is not. Because he is a selfish human being who destroys people around him. Isn’t that what he did to Byung-hoon?

His heat breaks to a thousand pieces when he looks at the pained look at the guy. Yeonjun is his friend and he loves him like that. “I cant, I’m sorry.”

“Why?” Yeonjun asks, voice almost coming out as a whisper.

“Because I cant….” Beomgyu wants to tell him how he should not even consider loving him. He is too good for the world, and he should know better. Yeonjun is an angel and he cant do this to him.

“You cant or you just don’t want to?” there is poison in those words and Beomgyu watches as the look of despair transforms into bitterness.

“What do you—”

Yeonjun laughs bitterly, “I get it, Beomgyu. I’m not your _type_.” He spits the word like its poison. Beomgyu’s eyes widen at the insinuation.

Somewhere at the back of his head, a memory is playing of him walking back into the office after what happened with Byung-hoon, his officemates whispering around him and him pretending not to hear them. But he can hear them clearly.

_That’s what he gets for fucking his way up._

_He thinks he can get somewhere by riding the boss’s coattails._

_He deserves it. He thinks he's all but he's just mediocre._

“What even is my type?” he demands and Yeonjun doesn’t speak. He doesn’t have to because Beomgyu knows exactly what he means. He cant bear to look at him right now so he turns away and chooses to stare at the empty streets of the town. He doesn’t even realize he's crying until he feels the wetness roll down his cheeks and cools down on in the wind.

It has been what everyone in their agency had been talking about. Beomgyu is just getting the attention he deserves because he is _fucking_ the boss. He's not really that great of an artist. His work is mediocre. He should just quit. To hear that from the others is painful…. but for Yeonjun to actually believe that, _that’s worse._

_Yeonjun is drunk._ He keeps telling himself that. _He has no filter to what he's saying. His judgement is poor._ He doesn’t know if that makes the situation better or worse, but it does manage to calm him down.

“I’m sorry, Beomgyu. That’s not what I really meant.”

He turns to the guy who is forlornly staring at him and laughs bitterly, “Oh, but you did.”

“No…. I’m just….” Yeonjun is struggling to get out of this and, maybe he deserved it.

“Just go home, hyung.” Beomgyu says, “Just go home.” He doesn’t wait for Yeonjun to respond to him. He pulls over the hood of his jacket and walks in the opposite direction where Haedabang is.  
\----  
 _[The number you are calling is out of reach. Please try again later.]_

Its like deja vu. He can feel the sense of dread as the cheery operator keeps on telling him the same message over and over again. His head is still spinning and a voice inside is telling him to just cut the chase…. stop this nonsense because he will end up getting hurt again. _Or hurting Beomgyu._

He doesn’t listen to that voice and speeds on his motorcycle along the highway, in the middle of the night. Its particularly dangerous and probably illegal but at that moment, he doesn’t care. He still has a few miles to go and another hour to drive to Ansan to meet the guy who had occupied his thoughts even when he didn’t want to.

_Have you ever fallen in love?_ Not yet. But if he will, he’d choose to do it with Beomgyu. He wants to try it. He wants to put a label on the confusing emotions inside him and he knows only Beomgyu can help him figure this out.

He knows why Beomgyu is in Ansan, knows where exactly he can find him even if Jeongguk didn’t tell him. Hell, he's the one who recommended him to Jeongguk in the first place when the latter was looking for an interior designer to a commission for Haedabang.

If Jeongguk is telling him the truth of Beomgyu in Ansan, it could only mean he's working on the teahouse. And he knows exactly where that is.  
\-----  
Beomgyu doesn’t know how much time has passed…but his eyes are already sore and red, his nose is already stuffed from all the crying. Its pathetic…he feels so much like a loser, crying in the middle of the unfinished teahouse with all the clutter surrounding him.

He didn’t even sit on one of the stools and just curled himself in a corner, balling himself smaller and smaller, as if making himself smaller would lessen the self-hatred he's feeling.

He hates himself. Hates how Yeonjun who was nothing but kind and considerate to him became collateral damage. He hates that he’ll probably lose another friend in the process….and yes, its probably better to not come back to Seoul at all. Maybe he can go to Busan…. run-away there and restart his life.

He closes his eyes and leans his head on the wall beside him. Rubbing his arms with his hands. It is extra cold tonight and it doesn’t help that the cold wind is coming in from the opening of the back where the garden is. The door hasn’t been installed yet so its just an open spot where the door would be.

He didn’t expect an image of him riding Taehyun’s motorbike as the one that pops right out. The experience was exhilarating, alright, but it was also damn scary. He smiles softly as he is reminded of that night…. the wind, the blurry lights, the sound of engine, Taehyun’s presence…. his heat, the veil of protection that makes Beomgyu feel like it doesn’t matter what happens…. he will always be protected.

Beomgyu wonders what Taehyun would say if he sees him now. Maybe he’d think he's so lame and laugh on his face. Or maybe he’d sit with him as he cries his eyes out, wait until he's all cried out and then tell Beomgyu a joke. Or send him a dozen selfies in one go. Then ask him if he's handsome…. only because Beomgyu will always say he is.

He misses him so much. Which is really weird because their time apart had been more than their time together, so Beomgyu thinks if that’s even possible. He hugs himself tighter, the cold already freezing his insides.

A dangerous thought goes to his mind, a wish that maybe if he didn’t run away from Taehyun, things would have turned out differently. Not necessarily for the better, but at least he didn’t lose Taehyun. At least, he tried. But he was such a coward…. he always wanted to try the safer route. The choice with the lowest risk of hurting him.

_So why does it hurt so much now?_

He chooses to continue living in his memories instead.

He can see himself back in the moment…with the cold wind touching his face, the low murmur of the engine that goes up into a loud rumble as they speed through the highway….and them he realizes something. He opens his eyes because the rumbling of the engine is not part of his imagination. It is there. He can hear it clearly.

Forcing his tired, cold arms and legs to function again, he manages to pull himself up and look outside. Every sense on heightened alert as a familiar green motorbike pulls over right at the driveway.

It brings forth a man in a dark leather jacket, rugged jeans and black boots who moves like he's from a dream. Maybe he is. The familiar silhouette is enough for Beomgyu to know who he is, but he still waits for the man to take off his helmet before he finds the strength and courage to rush towards the door.

What is he doing here? The logical side of his brain is asking but he ignores it…. really, he is not just thinking at all. Maybe he imagined Taehyun hard enough that he produced an apparition here. Or maybe he is already dead and this was the last dream he had.

Either way, he opens the door and the cold wind surrounds him immediately. He notices a few snowflakes had started falling and he faces up to catch the cold. _Is this death? Is this a dream? If I look back down, will I be gone again?_

But when he looks back at the man in front of him, Taehyun is still there, still unaware of his presence and is just running his hands through his hair.

Beomgyu is hit with a familiar longing he had long denied himself. The logical side of his brain is telling him to run away. But he had been running away from this guy far too long and he will be running away soon enough, so what difference does it really make?

With bleary eyes and a heart that’s filled with hope and other nameless emotions, he takes a deep shaky breath and finally says the word he had never said for a long time, “Taehyun.”  
\----  
He hears it right after he straps in his helmet on his motorbike seat. The name makes his heart stutter. _Is he imagining this again?_

When he turns around and sees Beomgyu. He looks different now, he's slightly thinner, his hair slightly longer but he still has that beautiful smile that can stop the world around him. Right there in the middle of the street, with the snow slowly falling down on them, _he looks fucking beautiful. Like he came straight from a fairy tale._

“Taehyun…”, Beomgyu repeats and Taehyun’s heart sings. He can see Beomgyu’s eyes blur from unshed tears and he stops himself from crying as well. He wants to call him too. Tell him how much he missed him and how much he wanted to see him and _oh my god it has been so long._

He could tell him all those things, but he couldn’t find the right words.

Instead, he lets his body do the talking and in two huge steps he had grabbed the man’s arms and pulled him into a tight and desperate embrace, their bodies becoming a single entity.

Taehyun almost expects him to pull away but he sighs in relief when he feels Beomgyu’s arms wrap around him as well. He notices the guy is freezing cold and tightens the embrace as if by doing so, Beomgyu will be glued to him and will not run away again.

“Hyung...”, he whispers and the word holds so much promise, so much hope. Taehyun has only one thought in his mind, it doesn’t matter if he pushes me away, I will never, ever stop feeling this way for him.

Thankfully when they pull away, they don’t really let go and just stare at each other. Taehyun holds Beomgyu’s face in both hands, as if he's trying to memorize every line of it. He's perfect.

Beomgyu is still crying tears of happiness but Taehyun purses his lips and wipes them away with his thumbs before he says, “I missed you.”

Beomgyu’s smile goes sweeter and another tear falls down. Taehyun wipes them again but this time, he leans closer so their foreheads are touching and their faces are mere inches apart. “I missed you so much.” He repeats as if saying it over and over again will stress just how much he does. _Maybe it will._

He moves tentatively closer…until their lips come together. Not kissing, but just touching each other as he waits if Beomgyu will pull away again. But he didn’t. instead, Taehyun sees the guy slowly close his eyes and lets out a soft hum.

That’s all the permission Taehyun needed before he leans closer and claims Beomgyu’s cold lips.

Unlike the first time they kissed, this one is slow and careful. As if any minute, Beomgyu would disappear and Taehyun would find himself back in Seoul. But the electricity Taehyun felt when their lips touched is the same one he felt months ago, if not greater. Its like a dam breaking—all the pain and emotions brimming to fullness suddenly breaking free, the moment their lips touched.

The kiss was brief, but also in comparison to the last time…neither one pulled away. Both of them content to hold each other like that in the middle of the cold, empty street with snowflakes on their hair.

At least until they hear a loud gasp come a few feet from where they are standing on the streets and they both look up in panic only to find Yeonjun staring at them in complete shock.  
\----  
Beomgyu cant believe what is happening right now. For two things—first, he kissed Taehyun again. There, in the middle of the street, under the first snow of winter. Second, that his best friend of many years, the man who hours ago confessed his feelings to him, actually caught them.

He attempts to walk towards him but stops when he realized Taehyun is holding his hand.

Yeonjun looks at their connected hands and clears his throat, “I was just…looking for you.” His voice is stuttering, whether from the cold or from the nerves, Beomgyu doesn’t know. “I…wanted to apologize for….”, he trails off and Beomgyu feels a possessive tug on his hand.

“Anyway, the staffs are back….” Yeonjun finally gets a hold of himself and looks squarely at them, or particularly at Taehyun. “They're worried.”

Beomgyu nods, feeling the palpable tension in the air, “I’m almost on my way back.” He lies but Taehyun tightens his grip on his hand as if he's telling him _no, you're not._

Yeonjun finally says something, “It’s a bit of a long way for you to come here, Taehyun-sshi.”

Taehyun clears his throat, “Good evening to you too, Yeonjun hyung.”

_They know each other?_ He turns back to Yeonjun, “How did you—”

Yeonjun frowns in confusion and then a realization dawns on him. “Oh…”, he gestures at Taehyun, “The elusive owner of KTH Studio.”

Its like the carpet has been pulled from under his feet. He turns to Taehyun who is frowning at him, “Is that true?”

Taehyun looks confused. “I…. thought you knew?”

And then it all clicks in Beomgyu’s head. The reason why he found out about this place. Why he's actually here…he was the one who recommended him to Jeon Jeongguk. He was the half brother who acts like a brat. KTH stands for Kang Taehyun. How could he be so dense?

Taehyun notices the look of hurt on Beomgyu’s face, realises his assumption was wrong he tugged on Beomgyu’s hand but Beomgyu pulled away, “Hey, does it matter? I didn’t know you when we got your agency for the project!”

“But you eventually did and you didn’t even tell me!” Beomgyu hisses, “How many more time are you going to lie about something?”

“Hyung, I….”

Beomgyu dismisses him and gives him a laugh, turning to Yeonjun, “It turns out you're right.”

“Hmm?”

Beomgyu gestures at Taehyun and shrugs, “I attach myself to people who are way over my league because I use them. Whether consciously or unconsciously, I always _fuck_ my way up.”

Taehyun and Yeonjun are telling him something but he's not listening anymore. Byung-hoon is right, without someone helping him, he is nothing. He thought he's good at what he does but as it turns out, he isn’t.

Beomgyu makes a move to leave but Taehyun grabs his wrist. “Hyung, please. Don’t run away from me this time.”

He grits his teeth and glare at Taehyun who recoils at the fire burning in hid eyes, “Just…leave me alone.”

Taehyun finally lets go and Beomgyu fixes a stare at Yeonjun who attempts to follow him as he walks away.  
\-----  
 _Somewhere in Seoul_

“This is it?” a man in all black ensemble looks inside the plate less car window. The building outside still looks like its not yet open, although its façade has a modern look which means its not abandoned.

The man on the passenger’s side glances on the building, “Yes, that’s it.” He produces a key card somewhere and gives it to him, “Remember what you need to do. I paid off the security so you wouldn’t have any problems. Just do it quickly and leave.”

The man nods at the relatively good-looking guy in a power suit complete with a bloody tie before he takes the card. The vehicle speeds along, without a look at him. He nods with disdain how those with the looks and money can be those who are terribly vindictive.

He shrugs, its not his job to pass judgement. He just has one thing to do. He picks up the red paint he kept by his feet and goes inside the building.

He sees the metal logo by the lobby and reads the name of the establishment as well as sees the mural he was about to deface.

He wonders whatever did the people from KTH Studio did to irk his _client._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cliffhanger! yay!


	10. Ghosts Of The Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> KTH Studio is finally revealed, but is it all over?

“Yeonjun hyung…” Hueningkai fixes the cup of coffee on Yeonjun’s table and the man turns looks up from the stacks of paper he is currently reading, “Hmn?”

“Are you and Beomgyu hyung…” he pauses as if he is choosing his words carefully, “Still not talking?”

To be fair, you can call Hueningkai whatever you want but this kid has some nerve. He looks at the said guy who is outside the garden, with the owner, Jeon Suyeon. Taking photos and being taught the process of preparing tea leaves. He is smiling and he looks at peace which is a relief considering how he was a few days ago after the confrontation with him and Kang Taehyun. And ever since then, there’s been a cold war going on between the two of them. Of course, the staffs would ultimately notice and of course, Hueningkai will be the one to actually say something.

If he could take back that night, Yeonjun would have. He’s usually a careful guy, sometimes he can be tactless but he doesn’t act irrationally without even considering the repercussions of his actions. Kissing Beomgyu is not part of his plan. Really, confessing to him? Never in his life did he think he would even find the courage to do that. He’s content to remain beside the guy, a secret admirer because he does admire Beomgyu’s exceptional talent. A constant companion, someone who can push him up when he’s feeling down and pull him through the tightest spaces of his life. Pining for someone is hard, but he would rather have that than have Beomgyu looks at him as a stranger right  
now.

And Kang Taehyun… he didn’t know that they or are they even… well, he was kissing Beomgyu in the middle of the streets. _How did they even know each other?_ He’s already so confused and he just wants everything to return to normal. He wants Beomgyu to give him a sweet, friendly smile and not those cold eyes.

It is his fault. _Him and his stupid mouth_. What came to him to actually insinuate that he believed the rumors spread about him? It hurts that Beomgyu rejected him, but it definitely didn’t warrant him hurting him back. _Why the hell did he do that?!_ He can’t even look at Beomgyu without feeling deeply ashamed of himself. He wants to tell him that he didn’t mean what he said that night, that he was just hurt and somehow his stupid inebriated self didn’t take the rejection lightly.

“Yeah.” He says breathing a sigh of resignation as he fixes his paper.

“Hmn…” Hueningkai hums, checking the papers in his hands. Then his eyes widened, “Woah! You’re applying to Seoul University?!”

Yeonjun covers the papers immediately and smothers Hueningkai with his hand for being a loudmouth. He looks around to see if anybody heard but everyone is just busy and thankfully one of the temps is drilling a screw into the wall so the words are drowned in the noise.

“Shut Up!” He whisper-shouts and Hueningkai nods vigorously before he lets him go, and puts back the paper in the envelope they came in. He had sent his application six months ago and as fate would have it, he received the admission letter _yesterday_ , like the world is telling him what he needs to do next. The news came in bitter-sweetly, simply because he couldn’t really celebrate it with the person who he shared the dream with. Beomgyu had always known about this dream of his and had always been his number one supporter. Yeonjun, too. And it hurts so bad that they had to end this way.

Beomgyu seemed to feel the intensity of his stare and he turned to look at him with those stranger’s eyes. Yeonjun turns away. _Now, they’re not even friends._

\-------

“When will you sign the contract?” Jeon Jeongguk asks, adjusting his tie using his reflection on the glass window overlooking the night skyline of Seoul. His office is on the 42nd floor of their family’s company HQ, a skyscraper.

From the same reflection on the window, he sees Taehyun is sitting on one of the office’s leather seats, looking bored, but as always, styled to perfection. A sparkly pinstripe grey suit, hair down for a sleek, wet look, some earrings to add flair to the entire look as if wearing a sparkly suit isn’t enough.

Taehyun regards him with a bored look, he’s twirling a pen in between his fingers while scanning some papers from a folder he’s holding. He puts them down on the coffee table in front of him and sighs, “We’ll be flying to Beijing next week.”

Jeongguk nods, and faces him, “And the project?”

“We’ll start filming in the summer.” The way Taehyun says it, it’s like he just agreed to a death sentence.

A few days have passed and his mood was not any different. Not since Taehyun arrived in his apartment early Saturday morning, drenched and cold from melted snow, eyes rimmed red like he had been crying. He didn’t even need to ask questions, and he’s sure, even if he did… Taehyun would choose not to say anything. 

He can deduce, however, that it’s because of a late-night visit to a certain interior designer in Ansan. Maybe, it was also partly his fault. He was the one who gave the guy’s number and revealed the location early on… and he was also the one who made Taehyun promise to not chase after him anymore.

Meeting the person who filled Taehyun with so much emotions, and made his usually cold eyes sparkle with life was refreshing, so to say. The guy had always been aloof and distant with anybody and knowing there is someone he fancied, is such a relief. _It didn't even matter to him if it was a girl or a boy._

Now, looking at the dead eyes of his brother, he’s not even sure if he had made the correct choice of letting Taehyun chase after him one last time.

There is a soft knock on the door before Sojung enters, “Jeongguk-ssi.” She says bowing at him and he nods at her. She turns to Taehyun who is already on his feet, “Taehyun-ssi, it’s time to go.”

“You’ll come by later?” Taehyun asks Jeongguk. His voice doesn’t really hold any emotion so he thinks he’s just doing it out of respect.

“Yeah. Wouldn’t miss your studio’s gala night. ”

Normally, Taehyun would have rolled his eyes, but now he just nodded and followed Sojung out of his office.

\------

Beomgyu fixes the brown beanie on his head and the red scarf on his neck before he rubs both of his palms and blows air into them. The heater of the cab he is riding is already at its highest setting but whether it’s because it’s extra cold tonight or the heater is just broken, he’s not sure--all he knows is that he is freezing in the backseat of this cab on his way to the warehouse where his stuff are stored.

Finding an apartment in Busan is not that hard, he did it on impulse—the same night of the confrontation and then wired the deposit the morning after. He didn’t have to visit first, he had no time for that. He just wanted to leave.

It will be relatively easy. But, hiding this fact from his staffs and from Yeonjun? That’s the tricky part, especially with his staffs. How many times have Hueningkai or Soobin caught him browsing different agencies in Busan and almost blabbed about it. Hueningkai looked shocked and ready to beg him not to go so he lied to his teeth and told him it’s for a friend asking for help, to appease him in the meantime. Soobin, however, being the most insightful one… just gives him a knowing look and didn’t say anything. Yeonjun is a different story.

Somehow, it’s great that they are still not in speaking terms so there is no reason for him to actually mention his move. He had arranged for the move to take place once they finished Haedabang, but to make it less conspicuous, he needed to empty out his warehouse and send his things to the apartment he chose.

Which is why he is here in Seoul, on a cold winter night, sitting in this cab instead of going to the gala celebration of KTH Studio. He could have gone any other night, but going off alone at night would arouse suspicion among his crew and he needed him off his case as long as possible. So he specifically chose this date under the guise that he would just stay in Ansan, in their apartment while Yeonjun and his juniors attend the party.

Besides, Yeonjun knows he would choose not to go because Taehyun would definitely there.

It was like a barrage of information. The moment he learned that Taehyun is the owner of KTH Studio, he noticed the announcements in Naver about the opening of the new studio owned by one of the hottest celebrities in South Korea right now. The media are a frenzy, getting more information about the place and the news that the party will be like no other--with lots of celebrities in the guestlist.

The choice not to attend is an easy decision for Beomgyu. Though, he has to admit he quite regrets not being there in person to see his mural unveiled. He recalls receiving the message from Kim Taehyung about the owner liking the mural so much… that one gave him too much confidence and he thought he’s really good at what he’s doing. But as it turns out, it was Taehyun--the same guy who confessed to him. So really… _is he that good?_

Somehow, he recalls his past achievements and he realized how all of them he got because Byung-hoon was there to support him--either pay for his materials or his tickets or pay for the studio where he can create whichever. And the other times, he got a project because the last decision was from him.

Back then, he didn’t think much about it because Byung-hoon often told him he’s a great artist and he deserved the recognition he is getting. But maybe, he was right after all. _Maybe, he’s not great at all and he’s just feeding off the praises of anyone, fooling himself into believing he is something when in fact, he is nothing._

He must stop these self-destructive thoughts. He looks out the window and watches the mirror fog up from the extreme cold. It’s not yet snowing in Seoul, but he knows one of these days, snow will fall and cover the entire city.

_Will he still be here to see it?_ He doesn’t know, all he knows is that he will miss this city, and the people he met here. He will miss his staffs the most--they are rowdy but they are passionate. They remind him of himself when he was younger when he was still him and not the empty husk of his former self that he is right now. He leans on the glass and closes his eyes, already feeling the separation even if it’s not yet there.

\-----

The party is in full swing when Taehyun arrives—Kim Taehyung and Sojung never leaving his side to whisper the names of the people he has to shake hands with. And there were a lot… Taehyun couldn’t even remember their faces, lest their names.

Kim Taehyung is in charge of the party and he invited all the top executives of different talent agencies as well as their top-billed stars. It’s a star-studded event, some of the celebrities are even more famous than Taehyun, but they are there… already posing by the red carpet at the lobby where the huge mural is covered with a thick, black cloth.   
Nobody has seen the mural since the turnover weeks ago, under his strict instructions because he wanted Beomgyu to be there. He had it planned in his head--Beomgyu to be the first to share it with everyone--his own masterpiece. It all played great in his head. Of course Kim Taehyung and Sojung are both against this, but ultimately, it is his decision to make. So when the covers went up, it never went down.

Turns out, that won’t happen still because he sees Yeonjun enter the vicinity with the rest of his staffs, but no Beomgyu on sight. Of course, he won’t be here. He knows that already, but still can’t keep a straight face when Yeonjun comes up to him and offers a hand, “Kang Taehyun.”

The last time the two of them saw each other was on that fateful night when Beomgyu walked out on them. He had been determined to follow Beomgyu then, but Yeonjun told him to quit it. He didn’t even understand how they met or why he was there or why they are kissing in the middle of the streets but he did say it didn’t matter how it happened. The fact is it happened.

He glares at the outstretched hand for a few moments before he takes it eventually, “Yeonjun hyung.” His voice is clipped and an awkward minute passes both of them before one of the staffs spoke, “Sunbaenim, I am a big fan of yours!”

It’s quite comical how Yeonjun’s eyes glared at the boy who is completely oblivious to Yeonjun’s expression, but said boy also offers a handshake. Taehyun takes it as well, “Thank you.” The camera lights flashes and some reporter from the crowd yells a question on their identity.

Kim Taehyung answers on his behalf, “They are the designers of the studio. Everything you see in this studio came from their heads. Even the mural we will reveal later.”

Yeonjun’s eyes widen and from the corner of his eyes, he sees the man shake his head. He can’t blame him. This masterpiece… it was all Beomgyu’s and it’s so wrong to not give credit where credit is due. “No.” Taehyun says and silence falls on everyone. When that happened, Taehyun realized he had spoken that loudly. All eyes are on him and they are expecting him to say something… _anything._

“He’s right.” It’s Yeonjun who speaks for him, “The artist who designed the interior and made the mural is regretfully not with us tonight. But we dare not claim work that is not ours.”

He says this with a natural, easy grace and Taehyun hates that it’s Yeonjun--the same guy who looks at Beomgyu with those puppy, soft eyes, that saves him. But he has to give it to him, at least.

The media accepted that answer and they began asking regular questions Taehyun had rehearsed in the car. Yeonjun and his crew disappeared into the crowd, with the instruction from Kim Taehyung to come back in the lobby for the unveiling.

\-----

Despite the glacial pace, Beomgyu arrives at the warehouse located somewhere at the outskirts of Seoul. He pays for the cab fare, gives a hefty amount for tip and waves goodbye at the driver.

The building is a little secluded and the street it’s situated in has sparsely installed streetlights casting a rather shadowy darkness on the streets. It’s a huge building with only a small storefront where one woman is manning the counter. The sign says it’s closed, but Beomgyu called this afternoon so he could be accommodated outside normal operating hours.

He walks towards the storefront which resembles a lot like a neighbourhood laundromat, and taps on the glass door. A woman, probably in her mid-forties looks up and sees him. She presses a button in her counter and the door buzzes open.

Beomgyu is just happy to be inside where it’s warm. He removes his beanie hat and nods at the woman, “Hello, hello. I’m Choi Beomgyu. I was the one who called this afternoon.” The woman just looks at him, like she doesn’t believe him, but in this line of work, it must be typical.

“Do you have the key?” she asks.

Beomgyu produces the key card from his pockets and gives it to her.

She is still looking suspiciously at him, “And an ID?” Beomgyu gets this from his wallet and hands this to her as well. Seemingly satisfied, she looks back at the key card and checks the number on it before firing up her computer to search for it. After a while, she frowns and turns to him, “This is not due until another month.”

Beomgyu grins sheepishly, “Yeah… But there has been some change of plans.”

The woman frowns, “Okay, but you have to pay for it still.”

Beomgyu nods, “That’s fine. I just need to arrange for transport of the stuff to this address.” He grabs a piece of paper from the counter, much to the displeasure of the woman and writes down his new Busan address.

The woman takes the piece of paper and grabs one of her own plus a calculator. When she’s done, she shows the breakdown and total payment for the service. Beomgyu nods and the woman asks her to sign some papers before paying half the bill. The other half should be paid after the delivery of the items.

It takes another thirty minutes for Beomgyu to finish his errand in the place. Before going out, he asks the woman how to get to the nearest train station and luckily, despite her rashness, she helpfully points it out to him.

Getting out is harder now especially because Beomgyu has already experienced the warmth inside the store. But he battles to it, pulling his scarf closer to him until it covers even half of his face and buttoning up his beige trench coat. He is looking around--because he can’t really help it especially when he thinks he saw a shadow  
move behind him but when he looked, there was nothing there. The streets are dark and empty but he musters up all courage and pushes down all nasty thoughts as he walks faster. Another block and he just needs to cross the other side of the road and he will be see the train station... but before he could even take another step towards the street, a black car screeches right on his side of the road effectively blocking his way.

He steps back right away, blood coiling in fear especially when the said car rolls down one of the backseat windows and he sees the red tie, the confident grin and the manic eyes from Byung-hoon, “Took you a while to get here, _pet._ ”

It’s just a split second, but Beomgyu bolts in the direction where he came from. But it was too late. In just a moment, he heard the car door open, footsteps coming from behind him and then a body slams him down onto the cold gravel. His head hits the pavement and the last thing he recalls is Byung-hoon laughing at him and him smelling the musky perfume from the man mixed with the rusty smell of blood.

_Then everything just went black._

\-----

Another hour and Jeon Jeongguk arrive at KTH Studio, to the surprise of the press. Every media man knows that the relationship between one of Seoul’s most eligible bachelors and hottest celebrity is an open secret. Taehyun is the love child of Jeongguk’s mother. But they had paid off lots of money for the press to keep it under wraps…The two never make appearances together so it is quite a surprise to find Jeongguk in the same building as Taehyun. The brothers are often dubbed as _Twin Singing Diamonds of Seoul._

Taehyun has already retreated in one of the offices of the studio, away from the rest of the crowd… not liking the attention from too many people, the ladies in particular. But he was informed of Jeongguk’s arrival and had to go out and meet him.

Both of them will be unveiling the mural and the logo of KTH Studio. When Taehyun gets back at the front lobby where the lot of the media is, he sees everyone already there, set for the reveal of their logo. Jeongguk is already waiting for him by on the other end of the mural which is still covered by the black cloth. Long golden ropes from both sides of are holding up the cloth, tied to a hook on the floor. Kim Taehyung slides a gold pair of scissors to his hand, the same one Jeongguk is holding.

Taehyun knows how much of a big deal this is… not just because it’s his studio but because it’s the first time he will get somewhat acknowledged by the powerful Jeon clan. He hears the murmurs all around him and he just knows this will be in the pages of the papers tomorrow, _maybe this will even trend online._

He looks at Jeongguk who is smiling softly at him… and he thinks maybe, despite what happened with him and Beomgyu, life is still good to him and he has a lot to be thankful for. He looks back at the crowd of reporters and almost gets blinded by the hundred flashes.

“Everyone, everyone please settle down,” Kim Taehyung announces and the murmurs lowers down, but never really dies away. “Thank you for braving the holiday traffic and coming here to join us.”

She looks around and calls out the names of the important people in the guest. Taehyun manages to pretend to acknowledge them as well. It eventually ends with Kim Taehyung telling the crowd that the owner will say a few words. Taehyun’s grip on the scissors goes tight as he says the words he had rehearsed back in the office. It’s mechanical but the people didn’t know that. He’s a good actor, after all so he says it like he actually means every bit of it.

He sees Yeonjun and his crew a little to his left, sees the disdain on those eyes but he chooses to ignore that.

After his little speech, it was time for the reveal of their logo. Kim Taehyung once again takes the microphone, “Ladies and gentlemen, thank you again for coming. Now is the time that we finally reveal and welcome you to the future of dancing here at KTH Studio!”

That’s the cue. Taehyun looks at Jeongguk before he slips the blades of the scissors across the rope and cuts through it.

The cloth falls.

_A collective gasp._

And then a long silence.

He looks up to see Jeongguk’s face twist in an unreadable scowl. He looks around the crowd and finds Yeonjun’s face in a panic. When he turns to look at the mural, he immediately understands.

Written in red paint, covering a portion in the middle of the mural, hurriedly and carelessly written in bold, capital letters is the word _PET._

\------

The word was carelessly written in dark ominous letters. From the looks of it, it wasn’t recently done because the paint has already dried and settled. It can’t be from someone with them now.

Yeonjun knows exactly what it is.

_Taehyun doesn’t._

He sees the confusion on the man’s face as he looks around and they catch each other’s eyes. In a flash, it’s like the world clicked back to action and suddenly there are more flashes of light from the cameras of reporters. Some of the assistants and coordinators begin covering the part of the defaced mural. The reporters started pushing towards the mural to get a better view but the security pushed the reporters back while some are being escorted inside the studio where the party is still ongoing, completely oblivious to the commotion outside.

He opens his phone and speed dials Beomgyu’s number, wishing that the guy would pick up. But the call doesn’t even go through, with only the mechanical cheery voice of the operator on the other line.

He feels his blood run cold at the possibility. _No, it’s impossible. This can’t be happening._

His staffs are with him and they look utterly confused as well. He turns to Soobin and says, “Get back inside. Once it settles down, you guys go back to Ansan.” He gives the keys of his pickup truck to him, “Don’t let Hueningkai drive.”

“What about you, Yeonjun hyung?”

“I’ll be fine.” He says, knowing he still has a role to finish. He pushes his way through the crowd until he reaches the human barricade securing Taehyun and Jeongguk from the stampede, guiding them out the venue. He calls Taehyun’s name but it gets drowned by the noise. The guy is too far for him to reach and one of the tough-looking security guys is giving him the dirty eye.

He knows this guy is just waiting for him to make a move before he can clock him but he takes the risk, reaching out. He manages to grab Jeongguk’s arm before the man tackles him to the ground, possibly dislocating his shoulder. He hears a shout from Jeongguk and the weight is gone almost immediately.

“Yeonjun-sshi?” Jeongguk calls.

Yeonjun sits up and looks up at the two of them heaving. Then he turns squarely to Taehyun, “It’s Beomgyu. I think he might be in danger.”

At the mention of Beomgyu’s name, Taehyun springs into action. In a flash, he’s in front of Yeonjun, clutching the lapels of his suit, “What do you mean?!”

“That message…” Yeonjun points at the general direction of the mural, “That came from Beomgyu’s crazy, sadistic ex who physically tortured him.”

Whoever said Taehyun’s face is emotionless ought to see him right now. His face switched from confusion to a look of realization and then seething with anger.

Jeongguk is beside Taehyun, putting a hand on his shoulder, “Let’s talk somewhere else, yeah? There are eyes watching here.”

Yeonjun looks around and he sees cameras flashing towards them. Thankfully they are still covered by the bulky bodies of their security so hopefully, the commotion is not that visible. Taehyun is grinding his teeth but he lets Yeonjun go eventually. Jeongguk helps him up his feet, “Tell us what you know.”

\------

Beomgyu wakes up bound, wet and cold lying on the floor. A blindfold is tied over his eyes magnifying all the rest of his senses ten times. There is a throbbing pain on his right temple where he hit his head. His hands are tied behind his back with a rough rope chafing his skin. Any attempt for an escape is futile based on the tight bindings around both knees and legs.

A piece of duct tape is sealing his lips together stopping him from making any loud sounds except maybe grunts and moans. Not like it matters, Byung-hoon probably took him to a place where nobody would see him.

He hears a peal of manic laughter and then footsteps of someone coming to him. He flinches when a hand removes the blindfold and bright lights momentarily blind him. He blinks a couple of times so his eyes could adjust and when they did, he sees Byung-hoon standing in front of him with a grin. It’s like he’s been transported back in the past looking at the same monochromatic suit and an oxblood red tie. But there’s something different about the way he looks… He’s not the dashing young man he was used to seeing. There’s an underlying danger in his eyes and Beomgyu’s heart is gripped with fear especially when the man bends over and cups his face, “Did you miss me, pet?” The man casually raises his chin and kisses his lips… _or at least the duct tape covering his lips._

Beomgyu pulls his head away but the guy only pinches his chin harder. “If you struggle so much, it will only hurt more.” Byung-hoon says, eyes suddenly hateful before he releases him and walks away.

Beomgyu looks around the room, trying his best to familiarize his surroundings and his blood runs cold realizing where they are --the place does look different , particularly because there are no furniture left behind except probably for the single bed at the far end of the room, but he knows exactly where they are. He lived here for two years with the guy. _This is where it all came down._

“Home sweet home.” Byung-hoon smiles walking towards where he remembers the kitchen is. Beomgyu can smell the gas of the long-unused stove when he turns it off, “You know, I missed you a lot when I was in the institution.” Byung-hoon says.

Beomgyu knows… the guy was sent to a mental facility to be detained because of the physical abuse case he filed. That case should have landed him in jail, but money and influence work like magic so he managed to worm his way out of a criminal conviction. When the guy was released months prior, that triggered his self-harm incident.

“Makes me wonder what I did for you to do that to me.” He says casually, picking something from the burning flame of the stove. From where he is sitting, Beomgyu can’t really see what it is. “But I’m not a vengeful guy.” He laughs, “I can say, I just really missed you and I wished for a long time to just see you again. Take what’s mine again.”

He says that with lots of malice as he starts to walk towards Beomgyu, “You know… you are mine, right?” Beomgyu grunts in protest when he sees what he’s holding—a branding iron glowing red from the fire. “I guess it’s only fair to take what’s mine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry for a delayed update! im doing double majors (hospitality management and chemistry) so with the amount of assignments i get, its too hard for me to think about the plot line of the next chapters and all.  
> cliffhanger! please dont hate me for this chapter or the upcoming chapters.  
> comments and kudos are appreciated.


	11. Curse At The Wind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the search for choi beomgyu continues.

A thunderstorm is brewing. There are dark ominous clouds from a distance, fleetingly disturbed by flashes of lightning threatening to cover up Seoul. The undisturbed view can be seen from the window of Jeongguk’s office and it would have been hauntingly beautiful, the way the clouds and fog slowly roll along the city, covering it in a dark mist like an old traditional ink painting, if only all the people in his office would stop and look.

The storm inside is more sinister than the one building outside. Jeon Jeongguk had been looking at his brother for the past hour or so as Yeonjun told them all about Beomgyu’s ex-boyfriend. Contrary to how he and Yeonjun needed the safety and support of the leather couches, Taehyun had stood by the window, hands deep in his suit’s pockets, unmoving with every word Yeonjun is saying.

But Jeongguk can see Taehyun’s reflection and he’s not even sure that it is still his brother he’s looking at. Taehyun’s face had grown darker and darker the more they learned about Beomgyu’s ex and what he did to the guy. Yeonjun told him how the man used his power to abuse Beomgyu, to make sure he could not get out of the abusive relationship. How the man came into Beomgyu’s life like a freaking superhero, swooping him off his feet only to turn out to be the villain himself. He made it seem like everything Beomgyu had, was because of him.

Taehyun’s jaw was clenched, his mouth pressed into a thin line and Jeongguk knows him a little too well to understand that he is trying to suppress his anger. It scares him a bit because he had never seen his brother seethe in anger like this.

An hour ago, their own private security team had arrived and listened to instructions to look for Beomgyu. All the details they know came from Yeonjun’s own investigation. He had called their landlord in Ansan, and he had confirmed that indeed, Beomgyu left their apartment tonight and hasn’t come back yet. One of the temp workers who is still installing the lights at Haedabang claimed to have not seen Beomgyu tonight. His phone is still unreachable, so from what’s happening and the story Yeonjun just related to them, their worry is not quite misplaced.

Considering the landlord’s claim in the time-frame, Beomgyu had been missing for almost four hours now. That is still not enough to file a police report on a missing person. _Not if they want to use their connections and alert the media._

“The staffs will arrive in another thirty minutes.” Yeonjun announces almost mechanically. The guy was nothing but a frantic mess… checking his phone every minute, calling and getting totally defeated when his call doesn’t go through.

Jeongguk nods at him, “Our security team will call us if they find anything. Are there any other clues we can look into?”

Yeonjun shakes his head, “We haven’t really talked the past few days…” from the sorrowful look on his face, it seems there’s more to it but Jeongguk doesn’t dare pry. They are stressed enough as it is and looking back at Taehyun, he looks like he’s ready to bolt out of there any minute now. To where? _He also doesn’t know._ But he doubts Taehyun cares anyway.

Yeonjun’s phone rings and he excitedly grabs his phone only to frown when he sees who’s calling, “Soobin?”

He doesn’t hear the conversation but he sees a look of confusion cross Yeonjun’s face, “No… I…he never mentioned it.”

Jeongguk frowns. _That definitely didn’t sound right._

“Where does— “Yeonjun pauses, “Busan?”

Taehyun, from his frozen state, finally snaps in attention at the mention of the city. In a flash, the guy has already dashed towards his desk where the keys to his motorcycle are. As if on impulse, Jeongguk had reached out and grabbed his wrist to stop him, “What are you doing?”

Taehyun fixes him a stare that he will never forget. It’s threatening and dark and he had never seen it on his face his entire life, “Let go.”

Jeongguk should have, but he didn’t let that intimidate him, “Calm down.”

For a moment, he thought Taehyun would lash at him… maybe he was about to, but then his phone sitting on the table rang and it’s the head of their security team. Jeongguk trusts Taehyun to stay because the boy’s eyes flicked towards the ringing phone. He lets go of Taehyun but still keeps his eye contact before he answers the call and puts it in  
speakerphone. Whatever he has to say—Taehyun needs to hear, if only to keep him from being reckless.

“Jeongguk-sshi,” the deep voice of Min Yoongi comes through. It’s very unusual to hear the head of their security team on the phone. He rarely hits the field and just comes in during very critical situations. Despite this, Jeongguk is sure that he’s a very capable man. He’s an ex-military man who worked in special operatives but got discharged from service because of his relations with the Korean mafia, “We have a lead.”

From the very start, he knows Yoongi has a grey morality—a proper mix of good and bad. _It doesn’t bother him, if anything, as long as he gets the job done_ , “Continue.”

“The cab company he hired. We got a hold of them and it seems the driver brought him to a warehouse in Seoul.”

“Warehouse?” Jeongguk asks, eyeing Taehyun warily. Yeonjun who has already finished his call with his staff is already listening in. He butts in eventually mentioning the name of a warehouse.

Yoongi hums for a while and says the affirmative.

“Did he check out his things?” Yeonjun asks.

“We already checked with the warehouse and no, but the owner says he did give an address in Busan where his things will be delivered.”

“Do you have it?”

Yoongi gives a resigned sigh, “The owner is being very uncooperative. She insists it’s her client’s privacy and will wait for the police to demand it.”

“Do you believe her?”

“Not a bit.” Yoongi says, “She just wants to get paid.”

“I see.” Jeongguk says, “Then give her any amount she wants.”

“Yes. Our people are on their way there.” A pause, “Jeongguk?”

“Hmn?”

“If we find this Byung-hoon guy. What do you want us to do with him?”

Jeon Jeongguk knows there are a couple of things they could do—the right thing would be to turn him over to the police and sue his ass. The bad thing would be to have Yoongi beat the lights out of that guy until he couldn’t walk or until he regrets ever being born. If Jeongguk chooses to do either, he’s sure Yoongi wouldn’t blink an eye and just follow. He doubts anybody in the room would disagree with him. Everybody would turn a blind eye and that’s probably because the guy deserved it.

Outside, the thunder is roaring, the storm finally showing its true strength. The clouds had rolled in, covering Seoul with darkness that won’t seem to end anytime soon. Jeongguk opens his mouth to respond, but—

“Leave him to me.” It’s Taehyun who answers. His voice is icy and dangerous and Jeongguk looks at his younger brother and sees the eyes of a stranger looking back at him.

\-----

Beomgyu realized two things—

One, that when you burn the skin, it will be a few minutes of excruciating pain that makes you scream and cry—but it will not last. Because for some sinister reason, when your skin’s nerve endings have been severely damaged, you will feel nothing, just a numbing warmth. Then you will fall into a false sense of hope that you’ve not been burned at all. But it only lasts for a while, because when the hot iron brand leaves your skin and air begins cooling the area, it will feel like you’ve been burned all over again.

Two, that the smell of burning skin is not like the smell of burning meat. It has a charcoal-like aroma, so distinct, it would be impossible for one to forget about it. And somehow, in between the muffled howls of pain and the struggle to remove the branding iron on his chest while he is being pinned down on the floor… it was the smell that stuck with him. That and Byung-hoon’s voice whispering in his ear, telling him not to worry, _I want to keep your pretty face untouched_. Before he eventually blacks out.

He doesn’t know how many hours or days have passed already from the many times he had slipped in and out of consciousness. All he knows is during those times he had been lucid, Byung-hoon is there to personify the very nightmares he is running away from in his head.

Just like in the past, Byung-hoon would swing from being the sweetest, most caring person to the entire polar opposite. One minute, he is tending to the burn he created, apologizing to Beomgyu and telling him how he didn’t mean it and that he can’t help it because Beomgyu made him do it.

And then be ruthless on the next. He’d look at him with those cold-blooded eyes of a monster—as if Beomgyu is nothing, as if his life, his suffering doesn’t bother him.

The man’s brutality knows no bounds. He would punch him until his lungs give out and he’s choking up from his own blood because his lips are still sealed tightly. Beomgyu wants to just drown in them—choke his life out of his body and just give Byung-hoon what he wants—if he’s dead, he’s got nobody to torture anymore. And that’s probably why the guy would eventually stop, drop him on the floor to grab a can of beer or two from the fridge and smoke cigars while watching Beomgyu lying on the cold floor.

He had long ripped Beomgyu’s shirt and he would admire the purpling bruises blooming on them, telling him how it matched the very beautiful mark he left. He’ll start talking to him, telling him stories of their past relationship, how he did everything to make sure Beomgyu received the best training to improve his craft; how he pulled every available string just so Beomgyu would get the best clients. He would say how much he loved Beomgyu smiling, how much he loved seeing him so alive… But then he would remember Beomgyu’s betrayal.

That’s when the torture would begin again. Byung-hoon will pull on his hair, drag him across the floor and kick him if he shows even just a little bit of resistance—he would kick and stomp on him until Beomgyu stops struggling and the moans and grunts of pain die down from him. This does not usually take that long.

Beomgyu understands he will never get out of this alive and only death can give him freedom from the guy. He accepted that and actually yearns for it.

Byung-hoon bends over to him and pulls the duct tape from his mouth. The burn from the tug has Beomgyu hiss and coughing up the blood that had but all collected in his mouth. The rusty taste goes fresh again at the first breath of air.

“Well, isn’t that better?” Byung-hoon taunts… as if Beomgyu owes him thanks for that small reprieve he had to do. He doesn’t even regard the man with a glance. He is too used to the pain, too broken to feel anything even when the man grabs his face so he could look up. “What’s wrong, pet? Are you already done?”

_You can’t kill someone who’s already dead._ He wants to spit at him, but he has no more energy, and frankly, no more resistance in him that will make him express even a little bit of anger at the man. He just wants everything to end.

The lack of response from him irks the man. _How dare you ignore me?_ He doesn’t know if the man actually said those words or he’s just reading what’s going on in his head. He knows the man well enough to actually hear his voice even when he’s not speaking. A new pain burgeons on his head as Byung-hoon grabs a handful of hair.

He just grunts in response when the guy throws him on the bed—belly down. His head hits the frame and he raises his head to gasp for air, but Byung-hoon is on him immediately. The guy hurriedly unbuckles his belt, pulls his pants down with his boxers and pushed his legs apart. He buries Beomgyu’s head unto the mattress, cutting off his air and Beomgyu wallows in the idea of dying from loss of air. He read somewhere before that suffocation is one of the most painful ways of dying but he thinks it’s better to end it right now than repeat this same cycle for the coming days. The man is saying something again, but all the words are muffled and he doesn’t even make any attempt to understand whatever he’s saying.

Beomgyu doesn’t even cry when he feels the guy’s length enter him. He doesn’t feel the pain. He just lets it happen, hoping his body stays numb and his lungs eventually give out.

He is not here now. He’s back in his studio in Seoul, sitting on top of his trusty foldable stairs, holding his paintbrush, getting lost in the shades of green and blue in every stroke of his brush. He can hear his staffs making a ruckus somewhere down below he chuckles to himself when he hears Yeonjun yelling something to make them stop. They don’t and just continues bickering among themselves. The door squeaks open and someone walks in. “Beomgyu hyung,” He hears and he looks down to see the cheeky grin of Taehyun—his smile, too bright it hurts his eyes. Tears prick his eyes and he blinks them away… Taehyun holds out his hands as if beckoning him to leap into them and he wants to… desperately so.

“Come back to me, Hyung.”

_Beomgyu wishes he could at least say goodbye._

\-----

Kang Taehyun feels gutted.

The warehouse is a dead lead. The woman owner had been paid handsomely and they got the address… but when their team arrived at Busan, the place is still empty, the owner claiming he had only talked to Beomgyu via phone.

It’s been a day since the police got involved in Beomgyu’s disappearance. Two days since the event that happened during the gala night. Jeongguk together with Kim Taehyung and Sojung took care of paying off the media and everyone else who was invited just to keep the news under wraps. The media blackout will not create a scandal, but it also means less spotlight on Beomgyu’s disappearance.

Still, the three of them never stopped looking. Yeonjun eventually had to go back to Ansan, to do his own search while he and Jeongguk stayed in Seoul. Jeongguk told him to trust Min Yoongi because according to him, the guy has never failed him, not even once. Still, he didn’t stop Taehyun when he left with his motorcycle, probably understanding that it’s more than not trusting people to find him… but it’s the need to find him, himself

.  
He has nowhere to go really, but he drove around the streets of Seoul as if he has a purpose. As if blindly following his gut feel would take him to Beomgyu. But he can’t just stay in one place, knowing somewhere out there—Beomgyu is being hurt by that despicable man.

When Yeonjun told them Beomgyu’s history with the guy, he finally understood the man’s insecurities and why he folds in on himself whenever a small amount of affection gets thrown his way. He understood what Beomgyu meant when he said he self-destructs and he destroys people around him. Now he knows why getting involved with someone like him scares Beomgyu shitless—because he feels he is not good enough.

Taehyun wants to tell him it’s not true. That his broken pieces are actually what makes him beautiful. To be able to go through all that and still hold the sweetest smile he had seen— _how does he do it? What magic does he possess?_ He would give anything to see his smile again. If he could bargain with the universe to give Beomgyu back even if it meant he needs to remove him from his life, he’d take it. Knowing he’s alive and well, is enough for Taehyun to move on—live in China and never go back to Seoul. Let him go and let him free.

He feels his phone vibrating in his pocket but he ignores it. When it doesn’t stop ringing, he finds an emergency bay to park his motorbike. He removes his helmet and taps his Air Pod to answer the call.

“I think I know where he is.”

\-----

Yeonjun is scanning through Beomgyu’s browsing history, trying to find any clue of where the other guy is. He arrived in Ansan last night but even with the exhaustion he felt in his body, his mind just refuses to sleep.

Not all staffs are aware of Beomgyu’s disappearance—only the three usual suspects, Soobin, Hueningkai and somehow… Minhee. Probably also Hueningkai’s doing because that kid really can’t shut up about anything. Nevertheless, them knowing has made Yeonjun’s life a little easier. They’re over to cover lots of places in looking for Beomgyu.

He wasn’t anywhere near his old apartment or their old studio—both of which they had emptied out. After a few hours of fruitless searching, Yeonjun finally gives up and retires to his bed. He thinks about what’s happening to Beomgyu and it fills him with so much dread. He thinks about the time when the judgment for Beomgyu’s case was passed, and they finally faced the truth that Byung-hoon will not go to jail… they should have filed for reconsideration. But he also saw how the whole ordeal affected Beomgyu and both of them just wanted to end it.

_How foolish are they? How naïve? It will not end. Not until Byung-hoon is alive._

He opens his Twitter account, mindlessly browsing his feed until he grows tired of seeing updates from his contacts and ultimately goes to Beomgyu’s very inactive account. As expected, he rarely updates his Twitter, only posting some of his artworks for the past year.

He scrolls past that until he sees old photos of the guy—photos of himself when they first started the agency, with just the two of them, two ratty tables pushed together to create their first desk in a shabby studio apartment they had converted to be their first office. Their computers are all second-hand and everything back then, they had to do manually with just themselves. Yet, the smile on Beomgyu’s face was enough to brighten the room.

He scrolls down again and sees a photo he posted and tagged Beomgyu. It’s from the guy’s 22th birthday if he recalls correctly and the caption is just a single line from him, followed by a greeting.

_Choi Beomgyu, don’t go somewhere where I can’t follow you. Happy Birthday!_

It takes a while before he realizes that the wetness he is feeling is from the tears streaming down his face as he sees more and more photos of them together. Their friendship had stood the test of time, through thick and thin… he had always been with Beomgyu. It didn’t matter who he wanted to be or who he wanted to be with, Yeonjun was always there. He may be a few steps behind or a few steps ahead, but one will always eventually catch up.

_How can I catch up with you, now?_

He scrolls back down and he is faced with Beomgyu’s photos with that monster. Many of them are group photos, though… but you can actually see the leer on Byung-hoon’s eyes as he poses for the photo. It sends a chill down his spine and a certain kind of anger knowing this guy had and will always be a part of Beomgyu’s memories. _How dare he?_

He scrolls past those photos, trying to erase the image of Beomgyu broken on the floor, bloodied and bruised. Back then, he wanted to punch that guy cold… but Beomgyu, ever the pure soul that he is, didn’t want him to go to jail. _It’s enough violence in my lifetime_ , he had said. 

“Besides, Byung-hoon will never forget if you do that. And he doesn’t know how to forgive anyone.”

He tells Beomgyu he’s not even going to ask for forgiveness and if he doesn’t forget it, then good. But Beomgyu just gives him a bittersweet smile and shakes his head. How this guy can always choose to be the better person, he will forever wonder.

He pauses when he comes across a certain photo… This one is not because it’s a selfie Byung-hoon took using Beomgyu’s phone and features just the two of them, but because of the familiar setting in the background.

_Is it possible?_

If he remembers correctly, it’s the same place he had found Beomgyu before… the apartment registered in their previous agency’s directory but not leased under Beomgyu’s name. Byung-hoon’s old apartment. He hears Beomgyu’s voice in his head, _Byung-hoon is a man of habits. He doesn’t let go of things easily. He holds onto them because they are his property._

_Maybe…_

He picks up his phone and dials Taehyun's number.

\-----

Patience isn’t one of Taehyun’s best characteristics. He is usually the one to jump headfirst and think about consequences later. How Jeongguk could trust him to sit tight and wait for him and their security team to arrive after he told him the possibility of finding Beomgyu, is probably a rare lapse of judgment from his part. Sometimes, he thinks his brother trusts him too much.

Further investigation about Byung-hoon showed he has at least deep connections within the police force and he had enough money to bribe the judge in his court case. Which is probably why he had the gall to do such things and come unscathed. He’s a dangerous man, Taehyun had known this for a while now.

After an hour of driving, he finds the block of the address Yeonjun had given him. He received the call a few minutes earlier than he got Jeongguk’s call. Back then, it was merely a hunch but he had asked help from Jeongguk to confirm it. Taehyun would have not taken it this far had he not received the call from Jeongguk telling him that one, the apartment is still under Byung-hoon’s name and; two, it had been abandoned for more than two years now.

He parks his motorbike on the streets and steps out onto the pavement, the winter wind billowing around him. He decides to continue the journey on foot. He walks another thirty minutes before he finds the apartment complex in the address. It is situated at a dead-end of a lonely street in a nearly empty block. He sees it a few feet away from him and its looming presence sends his thoughts into a whirl.

The apartment complex definitely looked like crumbling bread from the way its roofs sagged in on itself. It had an ugly façade of mouldy walls and peeled off paint. Only a few windows still have glass on them, but even those are fogged and mouldy. It looks terribly empty and abandoned as the world had totally forgotten about its existence. The apartment complex creates a hollowed sound whenever the wind beats down on it and Taehyun feels restless again. He wonders if it’s the correct place, but when he looked at the rusty mailbox at the front, by the driveway, he confirms it is.

His entire body is buzzing now with nerves as he scans the windows of the apartment knowing that in one of those rooms, Byung-hoon is doing god knows what on Beomgyu. It is this thought that makes him move towards the entrance, totally ignoring all the warning signs going off in his head.

He sprints towards the pebbled driveway, careful not to slip from the frost that has already settled there. He feels someone watching him from behind, following him but when he pauses to check, there is no one there. That only increases his anxiety but he shakes that off quickly. 

Maybe he should wait for Jeongguk. Maybe he shouldn’t get in here alone. _Maybe this is totally unsafe._

He’s almost at the door when a hand grabs his hand and yanks him back. When he turns around, he sees the domineering face of the head of their security team, Min Yoongi. He’s about to protest but the man merely puts a finger over his lips and says, “Don’t give away our position.”

The man leads him back down the streets and hides between the bushes that had grown across the street of the apartment complex. Taehyun follows him warily until the bushes give out to a nearby clearing where a car is parked. They wordlessly get in before Yoongi turns to him, “Your brother told me to follow you.”

“From the car, you can see the house’s front door at a safe distance.” Yoongi turns on the heater in the car before he inspects the look Taehyun is giving him, “He just left thirty minutes ago.” The man immediately follows this up with, “But we can’t enter just yet.” Probably because he sees Taehyun perk up.

“We don’t know if he’s alone or if he’s with someone. We can only observe for now. At least until my team arrives here.” That doesn’t bode well on the anxiety eating up his insides but Yoongi is adamant he stays.

He frowns and looks up at the windows again. Nothing’s amiss and it still looks empty. He thinks the man is alone because there is no sign of life from the inside of the house.

“Here, take this.” Taehyun turns back to Yoongi and sees a small pistol. He stares at it, unmoving, the danger of reality finally settling in. He had been taught to use one during self-defence training but he was never really put in a position when he had to use it. He takes it anyway and clips it on his belt at the back.

“Just for protection.” Yoongi says before his eyes widen and he shushes him and points down the street. Taehyun turns around to see a man in a disheveled dark coat. Under that he can see a dark suit, its buttons open showing an equally scruffy white shirt underneath and a missing tie. He’s taller than him by a few inches and there’s misplaced confidence in his strides as he walks towards the apartment complex, completely oblivious to the two people watching him.

Taehyun had never met Byung-hoon in his entire life. There’s a photo of him that Jeongguk had shown from the background check that Yoongi emailed to them hours ago. Back then, he couldn’t believe that such a gentle-looking guy could do something so sinister. But looking at him now, he can easily see the crazy behind those eyes. He is carrying what looked like a paper bag of beer cans on one hand before crossing the driveway to the apartment complex. He looked pretty normal, and he hated how casually he moved. Hated how he seemed normal...

Now, he understands how Beomgyu would have fallen victim to this guy. He could see how Beomgyu could have trusted this man. He looked kind—like someone he could even be friends with, had he not known who he really is. And he hated him, which _really? How can you hate someone you haven’t even met?_ But he did.

He hated how this man manipulated Beomgyu into thinking he couldn’t live without him. How he broke him and created wounds that left deep scars that even he didn’t know how to heal. He had never felt so lost and afraid and angry at the same time. This combination of emotions is a dangerous thing and it’s already too late because before he knew what he was doing, he had already slammed the car door open and rushed towards the man.

He could hear Yoongi curse behind him then felt a movement following him but he was too fast. Before Yoongi could even catch up to him, he had already dashed across the street and pounced the man, grabbing the man by the collar and slamming him on the wall beside the door. It shook under the guy’s weight who had the audacity to look shocked.

“What the fuck?!” The man hisses and attempts to push him off but he only slammed him harder, hoping to hear some bone crunch. “Who the fuck are you?!” Byung-hoon frantically screams and Taehyun closes his hands into a fist to punch the offended look on his face because how dare he look like that? But a hand grabs his arm and pulls him away. He loses his footing and steps away, stepping on one of the beer cans that had clattered on the floor, bursting it open. Yoongi swoops in to hold Byung-hoon in place, pressing his arm on the man’s chest, “Taehyun, go!”

It takes a few moments of Byung-hoon staring at him curiously, before it finally clicks, “Wait… I know you! You’re that Kang kid, right? The one in Ansan.”

Taehyun feels the blood drain from his face. _Does this man had been stalking Beomgyu for a very long time? Is this how his twisted mind works?_ It doesn’t matter where Beomgyu went, this guy is just there… biding his time.

Byung-hoon’s mouth twists up in an inauspicious grin, “I know why you’re here. You’re here for him.”

He wants to punch that grin off of his face, but Yoongi yells again, “Go! Go find him!”

The urgency of finding Beomgyu supersedes the need to beat the man so he pushes past them and rushes to the apartment, slamming the doors open.

_Empty._

_Empty._

_Empty._

Every empty apartment he opens, he feels his heart sink deeper and deeper into a dark pit of hopelessness. _This can’t be happening…_

Outside, he hears the loud guffaw of the man. When he goes out, he sees that Yoongi had put the man in handcuffs with his arms behind his back. He is now sitting down on the frozen ground and he smirks at him when he sees him. It’s not a comfortable position but he seems unbothered by it. Yoongi is standing in front of him, pistol in hand, pointing it directly to the man’s head. Taehyun’s breath comes in an angry huff as he steps back out. He picks up the man by his collar and this time, Yoongi doesn’t stop him. If anything, he moves a little bit to the side, “Where is he?”

“What? You can’t find my little pet can you?” Byung-hoon taunts.

“Stop calling him that.” Taehyun hisses dangerously focusing on the term he used to refer to Beomgyu.

“He will never love you, you know that, don’t you? I will always be a part of him. He can never run away from me.” Byung-hoon’s delusion is exceptional. Taehyun had never known someone so full of himself and so crazy to do this.

“Shut up.” He snaps, Yoongi is eyeing him cautiously as he throws the guy back down on the pavement. Byung-hoon is still laughing when he regains his balance and sits back down properly.

“I totally get you. He’s pretty good. Very submissive. And he has a pretty face, too.” Byung-hoon’s grin goes wider and he almost looks like an evil clown, “You should have seen him when I took him… Didn’t even scream or beg or cried… He’s a real pet.”

He gives a whistle of delight, “And I made sure it hurt.”

He doesn’t know what triggered the next events—the conceited leer on the man’s face or the fact that he is treating Beomgyu like he’s not a person and just some commodity he can play around with, or knowing that this guy purposely hurt Beomgyu, again… maybe, a combination of everything, but one minute he was just glaring angrily at the man, and the next minute, he had pulled out the gun hanging on his belt and was pointing the barrel right into Byung-hoon’s right temple.

Byung-hoon doesn’t even flinch. He just closes his eyes, “Go ahead. So you will never know where he is.”

Taehyun’s finger hovers on the trigger, he is so tempted to just do it here. Just end the life of this miserable poor excuse of a human being. But before he can even make a decision, Yeonjun’s pickup truck screeches to a halt right in front of them.

_BANG! BANG!_

Both bullets whiz past Byung-hoon's right ear and he almost feels a twisted sense of satisfaction when the man recoils at the sound. But only for a moment before he’s smiling again, “You can’t do it, can you?”

Yeonjun comes up to them and looks down at Byung-hoon. The man nods at him, “Yo, Yeonjun. Long time no see.” Yeonjun fixes him an icy glare and totally ignores him, before he turns to Taehyun, “Did you find him?” and his face darkens when Taehyun shakes his head.

Byung-hoon is laughing again, “The two of you… both so in love with my pet. As if you can get him easily.” Byung-hoon wheezes, “You will never— “

Whatever he has to say got lost in Taehyun’s fist connecting to his jaw. He felt the man’s teeth crack, saw the lips burst open under his fist and he relishes that moment when Byung-hoon falls on the floor howling from pain. Totally disoriented, he struggles to look up at the two of them. He doesn't even bother to hide his hate, "You will pay for this."

“Where did you keep him?” Yeonjun demands.

Byung-hoon spits blood and shakes his head, “Fuck you.” And that's it... the last of bit of his patience disappears and he punches him again squarely on the face, breaking his nose finally shutting him up for good.

Byung-hoon drops on the floor like a sack of potatoes. Yeonjun walks toward Taehyun, "He'll sue you for that."

Taehyun huffs, "Let him try."

"Taehyun-ah..." Yoongi calls his attention suddenly, "Do you hear that?"

Taehyun frowns at him because he doesn't hear anything and from the looks on Yeonjun's face, he too doesn't hear anything... compared to the two of them, Yoongi had military training so of course, his senses are more attuned to these kinds of things and nuances. But the two of them do listen, trying to tune out the howling winds.

He hears a soft clinking sound... like metal hitting another metal. _And it's coming from the ground right beneath them._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> didnt want to keep you guys waiting. kudos and comments are appreciated.


	12. NOT A CHAPTER

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ AND COMMENT! URGENT! _makes ambulance noises_

Hi! 

So, I've been collecting ideas for my next fanfic, and I've decided on something. But it would be very helpful for me if my readers (the people who constantly comment and hype me up in the comments, and I love you for it. You guys make my day.) single out some things which I'm actually very confused about.

About the next fanfic, it'll be based on a Chinese book named Heavens official blessing (it's really a good book) which is based on God's and Demon kings. The plot is amazing, but here comes the twist: it has more than 5 parts. 

Please do me a favor and answer these questions in the comments (so that I can start writing and plotting right away) the things you guys want.

For the ship, I'll only give **one** ship, so please choose which ship you want to see in my next fanfic:  
-Soogyu  
-Yeonbin  
-Taebin  
-Sookai  
-Yeonkai  
-Beomkai  
-Beomjun

(Not giving taegyu since three amongst my four works are taegyu and one tyunning)  
If you have any other ships in mind please tell me.

Oh and, the books will be long. I'll post them by series, and it'll probably take some time since I already told that I'm doing double majors so it really becomes hectic for me sometimes to think about the plot and actually write it down.

Please, please feel free to suggest me anything, and tell me if you guys will be okay with a series.

Till then, I'll try to update both of my fics within the next 2 to 3 days. Bye!


	13. These Broken Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> choi beomgyu is finally rescued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 12 as promised. a little bit of angst still prevails.

Beomgyu isn’t sure if he’s dreaming or if he’s awake. He’s not sure if he’s alive or already dead. But when he opens his eyes, he’s no longer on the floor but on a bed. No longer naked but fully dressed in a clean shirt and blue jeans. He is carefully tucked in, the warm, clean sheets over his chest. His hands and feet are no longer bound and the duct tape in his mouth has been removed. He feels warm—and for a brief moment, he feels a sense of comfort.

_Maybe he is dead._ Maybe he suffocated and was left to die in that. Except every part of his body hurts—the pain coming from every little movement he makes, opening his eyes, moving his fingers and toes, even breathing makes him feel like his ribs are being ripped apart. He has no energy left and the small amount of freedom doesn’t make things better.

_Death would have been sweeter than this._

He touches the raw skin of his wrists, feels his arms ache from where they’ve probably been dislocated. The wound on his chest feels like it’s being burned over and over again whenever the fabric of his shirt touches it. He groans in pain… only for nothing to come out because his throat is so parched.

He pushes himself up to sit from the bed and looks around, realizing he’s completely alone. He’s in a different place now, somewhere he doesn’t recognize--no windows but just bricked walls around him and a steel door in front of him. The only furniture is the cot where he was sitting on, a bedside table with a lamp which is the only source of light available. There is a metal pitcher of water and an empty glass. He refuses to drink it, afraid that it’s drugged and it’s part of Byung-hoon’s ruse to torture him some more.

_Where is this place?_

He doesn’t have the energy to think or move. He goes back down on the bed and closes his eyes and hopes that sleep takes him again. He is just so exhausted and dreaming of the past probably will be a small mercy in his current reality.

_BANG! BANG!_

His eyes fly open when he hears gunshots from somewhere above him. Is he already dreaming? Is he imagining things? This sound makes him anxious and he begins to really observe his surroundings. Is he in a basement? He doesn’t even know this place has a basement! He looks up at the ceiling and it’s made of the same brick material that makes up the walls. He turns to look back at the door… and then at the metal pitcher on the table and an idea comes to mind. _Maybe…_

He hesitates… if there is really nobody else up there and Byung-hoon walks up to him trying to ask for help, he will definitely not like it. But then, what could he really lose now? He’s better off dead anyway. Maybe, he could arouse Byung-hoon’s blood-thirst with that and he would finally just kill him.

This last thought is what actually makes him move.

He reaches for the pitcher, arms screaming with pain. Shaky hands grab the metal handle, spilling the water on the floor as he’s too weak to actually hold its weight properly. It doesn’t matter. He pushes himself off the bed, winces when his bare feet touch the cold cement ground but he doesn’t let that deter him.

He stumbles towards the door, dragging his half-dead body until he reaches the lever handle. He uses this so he can at least softly sit on the floor. It’s a regular steel door, parts of it already red with dust. He leans against it, and shivers as the cold seep into his tired body. He breathes in, ignores the pain racking his chest. _Tired… so tired_ With all his remaining strength, he slams the metal pitcher against the door.

_CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!_

It creates a percussive rhythm that rings inside the room, bouncing against the bricked walls creating a haunting sound. He continues to do this for a few minutes until his hands eventually give out from exhaustion. He waits but everything goes silent. He lets himself wallow in self-pity for a while… knowing his efforts are all futile. They chose the apartment complex specifically because it’s secluded and away from prying eyes which means rescue is not imminent.

Hope is a terrible thing. It makes him yearn for things he knows will never happen. It makes him imagine things like that soft rustle outside his door, those footsteps that will never come… He closes his eyes, again and resigns himself to his fate. _Maybe he will die here now…_

He is at that state between sleep and wakefulness when someone bangs at the door. For a split second, fear and hope grip his heart. Did someone hear him? Is this Byung-hoon? Is this a rescue or a punishment?

Maybe, he’s just dreaming… Maybe, if he closes his eyes, he will be transported back to happier times.

A rough voice comes through the door but the words are inaudible, he doesn’t recognize it either but he feels someone outside is trying to pry it open.

_BANG! BANG! BANG!_

Three gunshots make him jump and he falls down on the floor. He covers his ears from the terrible ringing sound. Someone kicks at the door and it slams open. Light immediately floods in, momentarily blinding him.

A man’s silhouette appears and Beomgyu just closes his eyes and hopes Byung-hoon makes his death quick.

“Hyung….”

His eyes struggle to open when he hears Taehyun’s voice. He pushes himself up and there, standing right at the door frame, a few feet away from him is _Kang Taehyun_ \--distressed and looking very different than his usual self.

_Huh. This illusion is too realistic._ There is just no way the guy would be here. Didn’t he run away from him? Didn’t he say harsh words and turned him away? This is a dream. It must be, because there’s just no way Taehyun would find him here.

Still, tears come immediately as a wave of longing fills him. It’s too much--more than the pain in his body, it’s the hope that will kill him. _Maybe this is his chance to say goodbye. Maybe, this time he can tie loose ends and go in peace._

He gives a small smile before he blacks out.

\-----

Taehyun barely makes it to catch Beomgyu as he falls down to the floor. When his body lands on him, it almost feels like air. Holding him there, he fights the urge to crush him in a tight embrace. He looks so fragile and he’s afraid that doing so would only hurt him more.

Relief and anger bloom in his chest creating a poisonous concoction he has never felt before. His mouth pressed in a thin, angry line as he regards the pitiful state Beomgyu is. His eyes land on his shirt and he notices a bloodied patch on his right chest. His hand hovers on the edge of the shirt wondering if it’s a good idea to see the extent of what Byung-hoon has done to Beomgyu.

He is in this state of dilemma when Yeonjun walks in and kneels before them. His face reflects the exact outrage in Taehyun’s face when he sees Beomgyu. Taehyun makes up his mind and carefully pulls up Beomgyu’s shirt only to quickly pull it back down when he sees the purple bruising and the fresh, burnt flesh.

He takes deep slow breaths to clear his mind from this burning rage that is telling him to go right back up and just shoot Byung-hoon in the face. Yeonjun is seething beside him, as well, but probably because this was not the first time he has seen Beomgyu like that, he recovered faster and grabbed Beomgyu’s wrist to check his pulse. Taehyun sees the angry red marks of the ropes used to bind him around those wrists but he chooses not to comment about it.

“We need to…” Yeonjun starts gently putting down Beomgyu’s hands relieved that there’s a weak steady pulse, “...get him some help.”

Taehyun understands the urgency but when Yeonjun moves to help him carry Beomgyu, his body automatically refuses to share him, choosing instead to carry him princess style. He hates this possessive side of him especially at a time like this, but he’s afraid if he ever lets Beomgyu go, he’ll just disappear.

They are silent when they trudge their way out of the underground shelter. Yoongi was the one who discovered this… a hidden door in the middle of the bushes at the back of the apartment complex. He doesn’t know what the place is for and Taehyun doesn’t even want to think of the possibilities it entails.

When they come up, he’s surprised to see Jeongguk waiting for them, the entire security team already on standby. He figures they could have easily stormed the shelter but his brother chose to give them a little bit of privacy.

“Go. Take my car. I’ll deal with him.” He says as they share a pained look. Truth be told, Taehyun isn’t even thinking about that monster anymore. His anger is still there—simmering at the edge but right now, the need to make sure Beomgyu is well and alive goes above anything else.

He just nods at Jeongguk and walks towards the black sedan waiting for them to take them to the nearest hospital. Yeonjun opens the door for them before he wordlessly takes the passenger seat.

He deposited Beomgyu gently on the backseat, buckling him in before he does the same to himself. He gently arranges him so his head is lying on his lap, his arm bracing his body, should he fall. He watches him carefully, making sure he is still breathing. Surprisingly, his face is untouched, apart from the dry, cracking lips… Beomgyu almost looks the same. He is so beautiful it hurts.

He has that incessant urge to touch his face. Trace his face with his fingertips, wipe the tear stains on his cheeks. But he stops himself, because after what he had been through, he knows he needs comfort rather than unwanted affection. Instead, he slides his hands to hold Beomgyu’s, intertwining their fingers together hoping that single link could heal whatever suffering and pain and knowing in his heart that it won’t.

He sees Yeonjun watching them from the rear-view mirror. He only sees his eyes so he can’t see the reaction he is making but he doesn’t say anything so he lets it go.

Taehyun squeezes Beomgyu’s fingers and lets himself cry as the car moves along.

\-----

Jeongguk had never seen his brother that broken. And it feels him with a cold rage he didn’t know he possesses.

But when he saw the battered body of Beomgyu in Taehyun’s arms, he understood a lot of things. One, that Beomgyu is no ordinary friend to his brother, he had never seen Taehyun express so many emotions for one person not since their mother died. Two, that he will do anything in his power not to see that broken look on his brother’s face. It doesn’t matter how… he just can’t bear to look at that again. And lastly, that he can actually be a very cruel person.

Yeonjun called him an hour ago to tell him they had arrived at the hospital and Beomgyu has been taken care of. He had used Taehyun’s phone as the other guy simply refuses to leave Beomgyu’s side… which is good because it means he is too distracted to deal with this piece of trash currently bound to a chair in front of him.

The man is already conscious, but his bruised eyes are half open and he’s coughing up blood that stains his suit. His whole face is swollen and his head wobbles to one side as if it’s become too heavy. Of course, not after what Yoongi did to him.

“Do you understand now? I’m doing you a small favour.” Jeongguk asks, not leaving his seat. He’s at their security team’s other office. It’s a bunker for Yoongi where he handles all the special cases. This is supposedly a safehouse for Jeongguk if ever he feels unsafe (being a successful businessman has its dangers too). Only a select few people in his security team know about this place. Not even Taehyun and for a good reason.

The office in this building is a copycat of his own office in their skyscraper. Of course, except for the magnificent view because this place has no windows. But it has a kitchen and that kitchen has coffee.

“Fuck you.” Byung-hoon spits up blood on the floor as he glares at Jeongguk.

“I’m not sure you understand.” He picks up his mug and eyes the guy again who regards him with hate, “You touch my brother or Choi Beomgyu or anybody I know again… You lay a finger on any of them, and you’ll be back here.” He looks over at Yoongi, “And there will be no coming out.”

Byung-hoon has the audacity to laugh at him, making blood flow out of his mouth, “You will never get away with it.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure…” Jeongguk shrugs, “Money works in mysterious ways…” he eyes the guy curiously behind his cup, “You of all people should know that.”

Byung-hoon gapes at him, but he won’t back down easily. He has to give it to him—this man is so delusional, but he is a fighter. “You don’t know me.”

Jeongguk sighs, shaking his head… he doesn’t even think he can do something like this, but he remembers the dark look on his brother’s face and he knows if he won’t do this now, Taehyun will eventually find this guy and probably kill him. The scandal it will create will crush him.

“But I do.” He says, “Came from a well-off family. Was considered a prodigy in Judo, competed on a national level, which is impressive by the way. Went to Princeton University to study business but dropped out after a year then you went here to Beijing to study business and then after graduating… you went on ahead and lead your family business.”

The look of shock is enough for Jeongguk to feel grateful for reading the guy’s file. “I think it’s you who doesn’t know me nor what I can do so let me introduce myself… I’m _Jeon Jeongguk.”_

It takes him a moment to recognize the name. And Jeongguk can see the wheels turning in his head as well as the exact moment it all clicks.

“It’s you.” Byung-hoon says and it almost makes him grin in satisfaction as the man’s current reality sets in. It’s amazing how people can change drastically in the face of real danger. It doesn’t take much more convincing to make him agree to Jeongguk’s demands. It’s a pity, really, but it’s over before he even knows it. The deal has been made, and Byung-hoon thinks he’s done it again--coming off a crime unscathed.

Except Jeongguk is sure that the guy will never ever leave them alone. He has read his files and the guy has a twisted sense of entitlement and he is also incredibly vengeful. He’s protecting his family. He keeps repeating that in his head. He’s doing this to protect his brother. _He’s the only family I have._ It was either him or Taehyun in jail. The choice is pretty obvious, but that doesn’t make it any easier.

He makes sure the door is locked when he and Yoongi went out to leave Byung-hoon alone. Yoongi is following him silently, awaiting his final orders. Before he reaches the exit, he does stop and turn to him. There are no words between them, but they share a knowing look and the man understands immediately.

When Jeongguk enters the waiting car, he asks his driver to turn on the music to its maximum volume before driving off.

He doesn’t hear the two gunshots that fired off.

\-----

There are unrecognizable voices around him. Hushed whispers talking inaudibly against a mechanical whirring sound. His body feels warm and thoroughly, inexplicably numb. Like his limbs are made of lead and he can’t move them no matter what.

He tries to open his heavy-lidded eyes--and almost succeeds if not for the white blinding light that forces him to shut them back instantly. He takes a deep breath, noticing how the ache in his ribs has tuned down to a dull, throbbing ache instead of a sharp bruising pain. The smell of antiseptic followed by the sweetness of lavender assaults his senses.

_Where is he? Is he finally dead?_

Forcing his eyes to open again, he blinks repeatedly until he finally adjusts to the light. The first thing he sees is the white paneled ceiling and the cream-colored walls of a hospital room. It’s devoid of any color only now does he understand why people who visit brings flowers to add a little color into the dull place.

A humidifier is continuously blowing warm steam on his face which fogs his vision for a bit, but he can see a window open at the left side of the room, a few feet from where his bed is located. He can hear, more than see the machines stationed beside his bed and the more he comes into consciousness, the more he hears their mechanical sounds.

His head is swimming from all these minute details and he can’t figure out if this is real or he’s just imagining things. Looking around, he finally sees the sources of the voices he heard--three figures huddled together at the foot of his bed. Two of them are dressed in white and one, dressed in dark blue. All of them have their backs to him so he can’t really see their faces, but he’s sure one of them is a woman.

A nurse, probably. She’s the first one to turn to him and her face small face perks up from surprise, “Doctor, look!”

Both guys turn to look at him and he blinks again to clear his vision. The other guy is an older bespectacled man with who regards him with a pensive look. He’s wearing a lab coat and a silver nameplate which is too far for Beomgyu to understand. The other guy is Yeonjun.

The three come towards him, but only Yeonjun stands further away from him. The other two check on the machines before the doctor starts talking to him, “I’m Dr. Kim Seokjin… You’re at Asan Medical Centre. Do you know what your name is?”

He swallows hard, his mouth still feels like sandpaper but he still manages a rough, “Choi Beomgyu.”

Dr. Kim nods, whether to acknowledge his response or to express his approval, he’s not sure because his face remains impassive, “Do you know what date it is today?”

He shakes his head and Dr. Kim tells him the date. He’s shocked to know that it had already been a week since…

He looks up at Yeonjun whose face is turned into a painful scowl. The doctor speaks again and discusses his injuries… some minor broken bones which they already fixed, wounds they have patched up and the minor infection on the burn on his chest that they have already treated. He also mentions they could cover up the burn in the future but that discussion is for another day. Beomgyu likes how he didn’t refer to it as a brand or the fact that he didn’t ask if he remembers anything.

He just sort of breezed through what he needs to know and tells him he’s on his way to a full recovery. He excuses himself out of the room after instructing the nurse about his medications. The nurse has a gentle face and she smiles as she introduces herself, “I’m Jung Eunbi. I’ll just give you your pain meds and be on my way. You might feel sleepy again but that’s okay. You need all the sleep you can get.”

She carefully gets his right hand where the dextrose is connected. Beomgyu looks at the marks left by the ropes on his wrist and it feels him with anxiety once again but he pretends not to be bothered by it and lets Eunbi do her thing.

Yeonjun comes up to his bed when Eunbi leaves, promising to be back after an hour for his antibiotics. He doesn’t say anything, but his presence gives comfort to Beomgyu that he even forgot the past arguments they had… _what were they even arguing about?_

“Beomgyu…” Yeonjun breaks the silence which is great because he really doesn’t want to speak at all. The guy looks like a lost puppy, like he’s figuring out if he is still mad at him. How can he be mad? He’s the first person that he saw since Byung-hoon.

An image and a voice keeps replaying in his head and he thinks he’s being delusional again. Truth is, he does remember everything clearly- the abduction, the torture... up until he woke up in a different room and he slipped in and out of reality and illusion. He can’t believe he actually imagined Taehyun to be there.

He gives a soft smile and feels the stretch of it on his dry lips, “We’ve made this a habit.”

The confusion on Yeonjun’s eyes makes him want to laugh but he is scared that if he does, the pain will stab his chest again.

“This.” He says, “Me ending up at the hospital with you...”

The look of surprise and the bitter chuckle that falls on Yeonjun’s eyes cracks the ice of awkwardness that not one of them even realized had settled in the room.

Yeonjun moves to embrace him and he lets him, even if the effort makes him grunt in pain. They stay like that for a few moments, both comfortable in each other’s familiar presence.

“I am so relieved you’re still here.” Yeonjun breathes out the words and he can’t really tell how mutual the feeling is.

“I’m sorry.” Beomgyu says, tears already welling up from his eyes, “For always causing you trouble.”

Yeonjun pulls away at arm’s length and in his most serious tone, he says, “I’d do it a hundred times over again, no questions asked.”

Beomgyu smiles again and blinks slowly at him. Yeonjun notices, “You should probably get more rest.”

Beomgyu yawns and nods, finally feeling the effect of the medicine in his system. He lies back down again, Yeonjun helping him with his pillow.

“Hey, hyung…”

“Hmn?”

“Thank you for saving me, again.”

His eyes slip closed and he hears Yeonjun speaking but he doesn’t hear it as darkness takes him.

\-----

Sojung hands him a black sleep mask when he settles down on the seat next to her. They’re on their flight back to Seoul after spending five exhausting days in Beijing for the contract signing, meeting the directors and producers, cold reading and some television appearances Sojung managed to squeeze in to promote TXT’s upcoming album.

He and Liu Yifei have been acquainted for the most part and he found out she’s a very nice person. Very down to earth, unassuming and really has a pretty smile. He now understands her charm, so on the very last day of their tour, when she casually asked for his KakaoTalk, he gave it sincerely.

Sojung is ecstatic to witness their chemistry, and he’d be lying if he says he isn’t too. At least he’ll be sure that he won’t have a toxic work environment the next year. Working with someone you don’t like is torturing yourself every day.

He puts the earbuds right away and fixes his pillow and blanket and thanks whatever god that he at least is flying business class. Maybe that’s Jeongguk’s doing but whatever. He checks his phone one last time before he puts it into airplane mode. There’s a message from Jeongguk that wishes him a safe flight, but his eyes are transfixed to the other message coming from Yeonjun.

_~Taehyun, he’s awake._

That simple statement makes his heartache for a couple of reasons—happiness, relief, longing and resignation. He remembers the day he left for China, the long conversation he had with Jeongguk and Yeonjun just outside of Beomgyu’s room.

Sojung seems to notice this, as she looks up from her notebook and calls him, “Taehyun-ssi? Are you listening?”

He doesn’t even know she’s talking. She sighs and almost rolls her eyes upon seeing the lost look on his face, “I said, I think it’s better if you take the day off tomorrow. Rest from our China trip. But I’ve arranged your schedule so you have at least two-week break for the holidays.”

_Holidays?_ Oh right, it’s almost Christmas.

“Where do you want to go? I could book your flight and hotels for you.”

_Where does he want to go?_ He hasn’t even considered going on a break. Every year, he makes sure that every winter break, he goes somewhere far from Korea or even Asia. A private ski resort somewhere in Switzerland; a secluded house in Santorini; a private home in Croatia… all these trips were arranged months prior. Now, he has no plans.

“Anywhere but Seoul.” He says finally and Sojung blinks at him with surprise… before her face melts into a mask of understanding, “I see…” then after a while she adds, “I’ll arrange a trip for you.”

He doesn’t acknowledge that, instead he puts on the sleep mask, plays a white noise playlist from his Air Pods and closes his eyes to sleep.

\-----

Yeonjun is staring at the screen of his phone, waiting for a message to pop out but none arrives. He looks back at the man lying on the hospital bed, his fragile body a little too small for it. He lost a lot of weight for just a few days and he can’t help but worry about how the aftermath of this ordeal will affect him.

By far, this has been the worst thing that has ever happened to Beomgyu, but he also knows how much of a fighter the man really is for being able to pull through and continue living. He just hopes Beomgyu realizes this as well.

He shifts to a more comfortable position in his recliner as he watches Beomgyu’s steady breaths. The machines are beeping continuously, and this cacophony of sounds relaxes him a bit. He had sent messages to his staffs in their group chat to share the news and he reads their words of happiness and encouragement. He tells them he’ll make sure Beomgyu reads them has eased his mind for a bit, but he knows has to eventually go back to check on them tomorrow.

He has also sent a message to Beomgyu’s family, the day he went missing but they didn’t even respond so he didn’t update them on finding him. They didn’t deserve it anyway and he sometimes wonder, why he even bothers.

He checks his phone again making sure he has read the seen status on the chatroom he shares with Taehyun. Still no response. Taehyun did mention that he’ll be flying off to Beijing this week but it’s almost a week now and he’s probably on his flight back to Seoul. He ponders on the possibility of him dropping by to visit Beomgyu.

He turns to look back at the guy sleeping peacefully under the warm covers. He wonders if he has done the right thing of not telling him it’s actually Taehyun who found him.

Well, Taehyun was adamant that he not tell the guy he was the one who rescued him. He said he didn’t want to scare off Beomgyu again with his unwanted, misplaced affection because that’s the last thing he needs in his recovery. The guy made it pretty clear he didn’t want him in his life and Taehyun didn’t understand before, but now that he does… he’s finally giving it to him.

Yeonjun understands, and probably Jeongguk who was with them that time, did, too. Taehyun is still a celebrity and no matter where he goes and what he does, his life will always be put on the spotlight. He’s a bit lucky to have someone like Jeongguk to iron things out for him whenever some scandal is about to come out like the one that happened in the dance studio… but he might not be so lucky the next time.

Yeonjun used to think that celebrities are selfish—young ones especially. They are reckless and selfish and they only care about looking good for the cameras but when he saw the intensity on Taehyun’s eyes… the hurt beneath them as he makes this sacrifice just for Beomgyu, he realizes how wrong he was.

_Just keep him safe._

That’s the last thing Taehyun had told him before he went out of the hospital room and he just knew how much those words meant everything to him. _It’s his goodbye._

\-----

Beomgyu wakes up with Yeonjun telling him he’ll need to leave for Ansan to visit their project site. For a while, he’s scared once again, knowing Byung-hoon is still out there but Yeonjun had told him not to worry about him because it has been taken care of. He doesn’t elaborate on this and encourages Beomgyu to not ask more questions. He just needs to trust Yeonjun when he says that the guy will never touch him ever again. He doubts it, but was left with no choice.

To ease his mind, Yeonjun has told the nurses about him being alone so he only needed to buzz them in if he needed anything. He doesn’t really mind because Eunbi is apparently an excellent companion.

She entertains him with different stories from her life—how she’s the eldest in their family and has a twelve-year-old brother who also loves painting. When she learned that he’s a painter, too… she starts talking about different art supplies he could give his brother and mentions taking him to their studio one of these days.

She also fills him in with the latest hospital gossip… so now he knows his night nurse who’s the exact opposite of Eunbi as she’s shy and quiet, is pining after a surgeon at the respiratory department. She’s a chatterbox and Beomgyu should have minded but he’s terribly bored and having someone to talk to is a real mood booster.

He also gets frequent visits from his staffs for the next three days of his stay. Most of them come in batches, bringing him gifts to keep him occupied. He had regretfully already lost his phone and in one visit, Yeonjun thankfully gives him a new one. It takes one whole day for him to recover his accounts and sync his files, during that time he’d been using the hospital’s television as his background noise.

He just watches random shows, whatever is playing on the television which is mostly reruns of local dramas and live broadcasts of entertainment shows… he barely watches them anyway.

But it’s in one of this shows that he sees Taehyun, again. He’s a guest in a short segment of a talk show broadcasted live. As always, he is styled impeccably well, although his blue hair has already faded into a chestnut brown shade that softens his rather stiff expression. He is wearing a complimenting light denim blue jacket and pants plus an oversized white shirt underneath. Somehow, this look makes him appear younger.

The host mentions how Taehyun was just in China and welcomes him back to Seoul. It’s a confirmation that he was just imagining Taehyun in the bunker. This dampens his mood a bit, but he thinks it’s really presumptuous of him to even think he would be there anyway. But he did kind of hoped he was.

The host asks what he did to China and he explained that it’s to promote TXT’s single who was already released during the time he was indisposed. Then he also shares the news of him signing a deal with some top producers for an upcoming drama where he will star with Liu Yifei. He doesn’t know her but she seems like a big deal with the way the hosts swoon about this single information. The host mentions how he can’t help but see a blooming chemistry between the two of them.

Taehyun gives an awkward smile, licking his cherry-colored lips that look a little too unnatural against the artificial light of the television before he does nod, “Well, she’s really kind. She’s my senior and she makes sure I’m comfortable in every way.”

The answer is polite and obviously rehearsed. But Beomgyu still feels a slight sting inside his heart at the declaration.

The hosts begin to ask about the project and Taehyun says he’ll be flying to China by next year after the winter break is over and will probably stay there for a year. The host wolf whistles and nods as if he understands how the next year will be a busy year for the young, budding actor.

Taehyun smiles awkwardly again.

Speaking of the winter break, the host says in a cheery voice, he asks Taehyun about his plans for this holiday, where he would spend it. Taehyun says somewhere in Europe but doesn’t particularly say where. Of course, to protect his privacy.

The talk moves on and the segment with Taehyun is soon over. Beomgyu picks up the remote control and mutes the television just in time for Eunbi to enter the room with his medicine. He stopped taking painkillers yesterday but he’s tempted to ask for them again because they make him feel numb.

He shouldn’t resent Taehyun for moving on with his life. He shouldn’t feel like he’d been left behind and forgotten, because he wasn’t and even if he was… what does it matter anyway?

\-----

Beomgyu is released from the hospital after another two days… with a strict, no hard-manual labor for the remainder of the month as his body is still healing. He gets a recommendation for a derma surgeon to fix the scar on his chest as well as an appointment with a psychologist to support him through the mental recovery process.

He went back to their Ansan apartment into the tearful, happy faces of his staffs. He apologized for the trouble he caused but they were just too happy to have him back. They had a mini-reunion party at the apartment, which is mainly just some pizza and beer. Beomgyu loves it… being in a familiar space and surrounded by familiar faces.

Pretty soon, he’s back in his usual routine. He’s allowed to go back to Haedabang where he’s surprised at the progress they already did in his absence. Yeonjun had told him they’ll probably be able to turn over the project in one or two weeks and seeing it now, he wonders what else can he do.

Nothing, it seems. Everyone in their agency is treating him like a china doll, he hates it. But he also hates himself for hating it because they’re really just doing the best for him. He tells his psychologist this the first time he met him. He’s a pretty young fellow with a boyish gentle face and deep dimples in both cheeks that show every time he speaks. Kim Namjoon, is his name and he is soft-spoken and very easy to talk to.

Still, Beomgyu finds opening up to him hard. So Namjoon recommends finding an outlet to express his emotions without talking about it.

That’s how he ended up painting in empty canvasses every afternoon like an angsty teenager. Sometimes, if he’s in a good mood, the paint he would use are filled with light colors, pastels, and neon… but there are times when the paint is too dark it’s basically just a different shade of black.

He records these, takes a photo of it every day and sends it to Namjoon so he could monitor his moods.

It was how Jeongguk found him one afternoon. Face stained with paint and aggressively brushing the color red on one empty canvas. He’s in the kitchen of Haedabang which they had converted to a temporary office finishing up his painting for the day when the guy walks in and sees him.

Beomgyu is more surprised than he is, “Ah, Jeongguk hyung.”

Jeongguk nods at him and smiles softly, eyeing the painting in front of him, “How are you Beomgyu?”

Beomgyu gestures at his painting, “Just a side project.” He walks towards one of the sinks to wash his hands at least of the wet paint residue although he knows it will take more than that to completely wash it off.

Jeongguk doesn’t comment on how bloody his painting looks today, instead, he sits down on one of the remaining stools in the kitchen after they had cleared the space out, “I want to apologize about not telling you.”

Beomgyu wipes his hands on his apron and looks at Jeongguk. He looks sincerely apologetic.

Beomgyu shrugs, “It’s fine.” He didn’t mean for it to sound too apathetic, but he seriously doesn’t care anymore. He has lots of things going on to actually mind not hurting other people’s feelings.

“How’s the studio launch anyway?” He asks just to change the topic.

“Well, we had to postpone it.”

“Why?”

Jeongguk stares at him confused and then a look of panic crosses his face and Beomgyu realizes he must have revealed something to him he’s not supposed to say.

“Why?” Beomgyu repeats and Jeongguk shakes his head. It takes a while for him to finally answer, “Well, we had to fix some things.”

“Things?” Beomgyu asks. Yeonjun hasn’t told him any problem they encountered with the turnover and when he came back from the hospital.

“Yeah…” Jeongguk pauses, “You really don’t have to think about this. Yeonjun-sshi and I already talked about this.”

As if on cue, Yeonjun walks in to find them talking. Beomgyu turns to him and is shocked at the questions burning in Beomgyu’s eyes, “Uh… what?”

“What happened in KTH Studio?” Beomgyu asks.

It’s too easy to read Yeonjun. Maybe he just lacks the ability to hide his feelings or maybe, Beomgyu really has just known him for a very long time that it’s terribly easy to read every bit of nuances in his face, “Oh, that.”

“That what?” Beomgyu demands more and Yeonjun sighs defeated, “Your mural.”

“What about it?”

“Someone vandalized it. We think it’s that guy.”

Beomgyu holds his breath. They have made a resolution never to mention that guy’s name ever again and despite the torture, he went through, he’s slowly removing the guy from his system.

Knowing he vandalized something he worked really hard on doesn’t feel him with fear, but anger.

_How dare he?_

He looks at Jeongguk who is studying him, “I can fix it, you don’t have to do that.” He says, “Yeonjun-sshi has already cleaned it and will repaint=”

“It’s not his mural.” Beomgyu says with finality. He doesn’t care what his current mental state is. His passion for painting murals had always saved him—this was something that guy would never take away from him. _Not now. Not ever._

Yeonjun knows this as well if only based on the way he is chewing his lip in distress. He turns to Jeongguk who gives him an impassive glare.

Beomgyu waits until finally, he lets out a deep breath and says, “Fine. Let’s go to Seoul tonight.”

\-----

_~Taehyun-ssi, where are you? Your flight is in an hour!_

_[Missed Call from Sojung]_

_~Taehyun-ssi I was informed you’re still at home. Why?!_

Taehyun lied in the interview.

He’s not on his way to a European trip for his winter break. He wants to… just to get away from every bit of bad memory here in Seoul, but he’s just not in the mood to leave or do anything at all.

So he stayed cooped up in his apartment, skipping the flight to Switzerland and probably being hated by Sojung who arranged for everything—his flight, his hotel, his itinerary. He can almost see her fuming, ranting endlessly at how reckless and selfish he is.

_Maybe he is selfish._ Or maybe, he’s just really, really not in the mood to deal with life right now.

His luggage of clothes and other things bound to China are already by the door, waiting to be picked up on Monday. He had packed almost all the things he refuses to let go. He should have not done that… creating a new life in China would have been the better option for him. Leave everything behind in Seoul and start anew. Maybe, he would even love it there, enough for him to not want to go back. China had always been a second home; it would be easy to make it his first.

Now he gets the beauty in running away.

_~Taehyun-ssi, I’ll drop by there in a few minutes. I swear if I find you moping around… I’ll make sure you will have no days off when we get to China._

Somehow, that threat makes him move because Sojung had never threatened him in any way. They butt heads and he ignores her most of the time, but she had always tolerated him. Maybe she’s really mad at him now for ruining her holiday. Just in case, he does slip into warmer clothes—a white hoodie and an orange windbreaker, before he grabs his skateboard.

He thinks of somewhere to go… somewhere warm that is still open during the holiday. Somewhere warm and private. He considers going to Ikeda-san’s place, but he remembers the man telling him they’ll be in Japan for the holidays.

A lightbulb moment. _KTH Studio_.

It's just a few blocks away from his apartment. The place remained closed after the incident that happened. The last update he got was Yeonjun removing the gruesome red paint on the mural and scheduling a fix after the holiday is over. That place is empty and private. He can hide in there until Sojung decides he’s not worth hounding over.

He hesitates, knowing that Beomgyu's mural is there. It's probably the only thing connecting them now after he refused to contact Yeonjun again. He wanted so bad to drop by the hospital when he got back, but he's just afraid it would weaken his resolve.

Well, he can't run away from his studio forever. Unless he decides to totally remove that mural, Beomgyu will forever leave a mark with him. He makes a resolution to have the mural painted over before he leaves for China. But for now, maybe he could at least say goodbye to it, so with his skateboard in tow, he goes out of his apartment and heads over to KTH Studio.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got a lot of responses about the ships you want for the next series fanfic im about to write and most of you wanted beomjun (they got four votes) so im gonna proceed with that. for the other ships dont worry, this writer promises she will post a fanfic on every ship of TXT.  
> comments and kudos are appreciated!


	14. Of Taking Chances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> both of them finally cross their paths. will something happen or will beomgyu again run away from taehyun?

Yeonjun parks the car right outside the back entrance of KTH Studio. Beomgyu hops off the vehicle the moment they stop. He takes in a big gulp of the cold air as soon as they arrive. Surprisingly, the weather is not so cold tonight. The night sky is actually quite beautiful—with a full moon shining brightly down on them and a litter of stars creates breath-taking swirls running across the black ink sky. He takes in a few seconds to just appreciate this—to just stand there and let the winter breeze surround him in its cold embrace. The stars look like tiny specks of dust and this beauty, he realizes… he could capture in his next mural. He makes a mental note to do this when he goes back to Ansan.

“Are you sure you still want to do this?” Yeonjun asks as he catches up to him.

Beomgyu rolls his eyes at him, “It’s not like I’m doing something extraordinary. I’m just going to fix the mural and then we can head home.”

Yeonjun checks his watch, yawns and then nods at him, “Okay. Let me help you set up.”

Beomgyu shakes his head, “I can manage it. Why don’t you go home first? Check on your sister? I know she misses you a lot.” He says this but in reality, he wants Yeonjun to get some sleep. Ever since he had been on indefinite leave, Yeonjun has taken more work than usual and he can see from the way his eyes drooped how tired he really is.

Yeonjun casts him a sceptical look, “Why do I feel like you’re just trying to get rid of me?”

Of course, Yeonjun would be way ahead of him in this. He does want to be alone for a while. Being under continuous supervision and monitoring in Ansan, though thoughtful, can be a little suffocating.

“What? You said I’m already safe, ain’t I? So what harm can really happen?” It’s a bit below the belt to use Yeonjun’s words against him but he leaves him no choice.

Yeonjun’s reaction goes from shock to contempt but he only rolls his eyes and says “ _Touché_ ”. Beomgyu chuckles and pushes the man towards the pickup truck, “Go on ahead. You know I work faster when I’m alone.” Cleaning a mural is not really an easy task, but thankfully his team has already removed the part vandalized by that guy so he might be able to finish the task in two to three hours tops.

Yeonjun finally gives up, “Fine. But I’ll be back in an hour to check on you.”

It sounds like a threat—like he is telling him I’ll be back in an hour don’t even try to do anything stupid. _Like maybe run away?_ He is reminded of the apartment in Busan still waiting for him.

Yeonjun told him he didn’t want to cancel the lease because he already paid for it, but Beomgyu suspects it’s really because Yeonjun didn’t want to make that decision for him. Of course, that’s too bad because Beomgyu is still heavily undecided about the move.

He ignores this silly thought and shoos him away. Yeonjun does help in unloading his equipment— which is really just some of his previous paint buckets and paintbrushes which he used originally on the mural before he reluctantly goes back to his car, turns the engine on and drives away. Once he’s alone anxiety does return, but he reminds himself that that guy can not hurt him now. Yeonjun assured him this and the fact that Yeonjun had agreed to leave him alone, sets his mind at ease. He won’t leave if he knows there is danger.

Still being out in the open makes him feel vulnerable so using the key card Jeongguk hyung had given him back in Ansan, he hurries to the building as if someone’s watching him.  
Walking inside KTH Studio feels like threading through the past. It brings back some of his happiest memories—getting lost painting the mural, listening to the sound of the city noise, watching as his mural comes alive at the tip of his paintbrush. He thinks about how that guy vandalized his hard work and it brings on a slight unwanted sour mood.  
His footsteps create an echo at the dark hallways of KTH Studio. He doesn’t flick the lights open and relies on memory as he traverses the dark corridors, passing by the empty dark rooms when he notices something.

One of the dance studios has its lights on. The silhouette of the door outlined by a bright yellow light is unmistakable. When he comes near to investigate, he picks up a sound—a muted beat coming from the closed door.

Hundreds of thoughts go through his head—

_Did someone break in? Is this a robbery? Sure, there’s no money here yet but the equipment here also cost a fortune. But for a robber to come here and dance? Or maybe the studio is really open? Maybe Jeongguk hyung got confused? Should I come in and check? Should I just leave whoever it is alone? Is he imagining this again? Should I call Yeonjun hyung back and tell him about this? Is this dangerous?_

His curiosity wins over and he finds himself transfixed to the slow beat and the deep bass of the song. It’s in English and he can’t really understand a thing that’s being said but the voice of the guy is small and sensual, his singing, hypnotic. There’s just something about the sound that’s like a magnet pulling him in.

He puts his paint bucket and paintbrushes on the floor next to the door before he pulls the lever handle and pushes open the door slowly. KTH Studio boasts of three dance studios and this one is the biggest and most impressive with its high ceiling, full-sized mirrors lined on its walls, it could house at least seventy dancers with ample space for movement. It also has different kinds of stage lights hanging from the ceiling and attached on the walls to create whichever kind of atmosphere you so desire. The surround sound also amplifies the beat of any music playing so the sound isn’t too loud, but is enough to pump you up.

Because of the studio’s size, he doesn’t see anyone immediately, but the music confirms he is not imagining things… and the sound of shoes squeaking on the varnished floor means he is definitely not alone. Gingerly, he walks inside to look at whoever’s dancing in the middle of the studio. It’s a man wearing a white shirt and face covered in a white ball cap, covering his face so you couldn’t really see it. Except Beomgyu knows exactly those fluid movements and it makes him stop in his tracks especially when the man spins and dives on the floor—one of his signature moves—dropping his cap to show his face.

\-----

When Taehyun arrived at the studio, it’s only just a little over six. He had turned off his phone and went straight to the office where a pantry is, hopefully, stocked with some snacks and any kind of beverage—hopefully, beer.

There’s no beer, only bottled water but it is better than nothing. But thankfully, because of the recent party, there are unopened bags of chips he can eat to pass the time. He spent a good two or three hours just using the office laptop to watch some movies on Netflix until he eventually got bored and felt actual hunger.

He had some food delivered and after an hour, he was indulging himself with some really good Thai food from the nearest and only place that would serve him at such a late hour. He checks to see the time is already around past ten now. He figures Sojung has already left so he prepares to go back home. She’s resilient, but not during the holidays, hopefully. Remembering why he wants to go here in the first place, he walks to the main lobby to see Beomgyu’s vandalized mural. It is covered by a white cloth but he eagerly pulls on it to reveal the masterpiece.

It’s still breathtakingly beautiful despite the ugly white patch of wall in the middle where Yeonjun removed the paint totally. But the expanse of it and its entirety sort of makes up for the missing piece, the only flaw on a rather perfect canvas. The mural reminds him so much of its artist finding the similarity uncanny. Beomgyu, who thinks his imperfections, his flaws, his past experiences fully define who he is.

He wonders if it’s a good idea to paint over this masterpiece. It’ll be such a disgrace… and besides, does he really want to forget about Beomgyu? Disappearing into the man’s life is one thing but completely erasing the traces in his life? _Is that really necessary?_

He’s on his way out when he walks across the hallway where the dance studios are located. In the initial plans, it was discussed to him the different features this dance studio would have that others wouldn’t. He wonders how that came about since he never had the time to really pay attention to the hard work Yeonjun and Beomgyu made in this place. That puts a bitter taste in his mouth. _How selfish._

So he enters the first door he sees and the ambient lights come on automatically. Right, these are supposedly motion-sensor-ed. He turns wall lights at the far end of the studio on before walking towards it. He connects his phone to the blue tooth and puts his playlist in shuffle. He removes his hoodie and windbreaker, keeping his ball cap on and stands in the middle of the mirror, as the music begins.

He closes his eyes and listens to the beat of the first few notes of the song, and feels the heavy bass under his feet. He starts moving his body to warm up, he rolls to one side, raises his arm and does a quick snap of his shoulders. Just small, lithe movements to start off the dance.

He has to admit, the sound system here is exceptional. He can barely hear his own heartbeat as he moves to the rhythm. He feels a surge of exhilaration just how it always does when the song hits the chorus, and his body automatically shifts to catch up. This is what makes him different from other better dancers… he doesn’t dance to the music, his body moves with the music. It’s like being in the same energy current and your body just sort of radiates with the rhythm.

The song goes through its final stage and he prepares for his signature move. When the final chorus comes, he spins around, leaps to the air and dives smoothly down on the ground, rolling his body on the floor. Fans go crazy with this move—what did they call it again? Right. He snaps back up and does another turn to do it again but stops midway when he realizes he is not alone.

The world suddenly becomes silent and his heart which has already been beating in his chest for the exertion of his dance begins pounding madly at the sight of the last person he expects to see.

Beomgyu is standing there in green overalls, white shirt tucked inside neatly, a few buttons undone. A black belt wrapped around his waist shows how narrow and slim he is. His hair is a bit dishevelled but it is brushed up so it’s not covering his face… his face which looks the same as their first encounter. Although now, he looks surprised… wide eyes, mouth slightly open as he gapes at him.

_He is so beautiful_. His heart begins to race.

He tried to calm himself down and remind himself he can’t run to him and just take him into his arms, as much as he wants to. He had come a long way to ignore those urges, but seeing him here now, in the flesh, brings back memories and emotions he is so sure he’d never feel again with anyone else.

_Is it worth it? Is his sacrifice really worth it?_

Beomgyu is as stunned as he is but behind those eyes, he can see him panicking. Like he also doesn’t know what to say or what to do. He ignores the small voice in his head telling him how Beomgyu is mirroring the exact emotions he is feeling; to not focus on the evident panic but also peer at the glimmer of hope and longing reflected in those huge eyes. _Maybe…_

Beomgyu recovers first and gives a soft smile—Taehyun clings on to what remains of his self-control but it’s hard—he had always been weak to the guy’s sweet smiles. He mumbles an apology—at least that’s what Taehyun thinks he said because he couldn’t hear him against the loud sound. His music has shifted to a slow, smooth jam but the volume is still high so it cancels other sounds around him. He moves to his discarded stuff to turn off the music from his phone.

“You’re really great.” Beomgyu says once the music is off and all that surrounds them is the unnerving silence, “No wonder they call you _Dance King of Asia_.” There’s a slight sneer when he says the title and he realizes he’s teasing.

Taehyun smirks, “That title is overrated anyway.”

Beomgyu gapes then shakes his head, “Nah, I think it’s well-deserved.”

Taehyun wonders how Beomgyu can stay cool and collected when he himself is doing his best to not just grab the guy and wrap his arms around him. Maybe, he really is imagining the longing in those eyes. _Maybe he really is not feeling the same way I am feeling._

“So, what brings you here?”

“I just came in to fix the mural.”

“At this hour?” Taehyun is sure it’s almost past eleven now. The man simply shrugs.” Please tell me you’ve had at least some dinner before heading here.”

Beomgyu has a guilty expression on his face, “Yeonjun hyung and I stopped for some instant ramen at a convenience store on the way here.”

Taehyun clicks his tongue in annoyance, what was Yeonjun doing? The logical side of his brain would have told Beomgyu to just leave and have some decent dinner or would have left him at that because isn’t he avoiding this guy for so many reasons? Didn’t he choose to leave Beomgyu alone for his own good?

But that logical side of his brain is quiet now. Instead, he found himself moving towards the perplexed guy, grabbing his wrist and pulling him out of the room, “Let’s go.”

Beomgyu pulls his hand back like Taehyun’s touch burned his skin, “Go where?” He asks alarmed and Taehyun remembers immediately, dropping his hold and feeling like shit. _Damn him and his aggression._ He looks over to Beomgyu, afraid that he would see the fear in those eyes, but all he sees is confusion and that sort of sets his mind at ease.

“Dinner. I won’t let you work your ass off until tomorrow morning without a decent meal.”

“Oh…” Beomgyu says before smiling sweetly, “You don’t have to…”

“No, I insist.” Taehyun says adamantly. Where is that stupid logical voice in his head that should tell him right now he’s not doing anyone a favour? His head had simply gone quiet and he realized it’s because of that smile.

Beomgyu still looks hesitant and he should have taken that as a clue, but of course… he didn’t. Instead he says, “For old time’s sake?”

That’s probably it. Beomgyu gives a sigh of resignation and shakes his head before smiling again, “Sure, Hyunnie.”

Taehyun is lost again.

\-----

Seeing Taehyun in KTH Studio is not totally unexpected, since he literally owns the studio. But seeing him tonight is a bit unprecedented. He wonders if Jeongguk has planned this, as well… but remembered that even the guy wasn’t sure he should drop by here. It was his choice eventually… and probably fate decided to punish him by giving him the person he’d been avoiding and longing for to see.

Taehyun suggests going to an Indian restaurant a few blocks away. He didn’t bring his motorbike, he mentions which is really a shame because, for some weird reason, Beomgyu wants to ride it again… although, he’s also thankful he didn’t have to not because he’s afraid, but more because it will remind him of a bittersweet distant memory of another night when he was truly happy. Instead, he follows Taehyun walk through the streets of Seoul in silence, with just the quiet city around them. It’s so unusual to find the city this quiet but he figures it’s supposed to be a holiday which means most of the shops are closed at this time of the night.

It has gone colder now and he regrets leaving his jacket in Yeonjun’s truck. He envies Taehyun who looks warm enough in his hoodie and windbreaker, but that was his own fault. So he content himself into slipping his hands in his pockets and gritting his teeth to keep them from chattering. He just wished they arrive in the restaurant soon.

Every now and then would glance back at him to make sure he’s still following him. At one point, Taehyun stops in the middle of the streets and he frowns seeing that there is no establishment around them that looks anything like an Indian restaurant. Taehyun looks like he has something to tell him and Beomgyu wants him to just get it over with so they could walk again. But he doesn’t say anything… although when they walk again, it was faster than the last time.

They arrive at the Indian restaurant in record’s time and Beomgyu has never loved the warmth and the aroma of Indian spices until tonight. The place is small but exquisitely decorated with wall tapestries depicting impressive patterns of Indian spices. Like a typical Indian restaurant, the explosion of colours tickles his creativity and his eyes widen at the majestic mural painted on the back wall of the restaurant bar. The colourful gold-trimmed swags complement the warm yellow light from the majestic chandeliers hanging on the regal ceiling giving an almost festive atmosphere inside.

He turns to Taehyun, beaming, “This is beautiful. I didn’t know such place exists.” He pauses and frowns in confusion because Taehyun looks as mesmerized at him, but he’s not looking at the interior of the restaurant… but at him. _At him._

He’s thankful for the warm light because it hides the blush that rises to his cheeks. Taehyun clears his throat, “This is a place I also frequent.”

As if to prove it, one of the waiters come up to them and greets Taehyun with a friendly smile, “Welcome back, sir.” He regards Beomgyu with a curious look and he thinks, not again. “I’ll lead you to your usual table.”

Taehyun is oblivious to the stare the man just gave Beomgyu and just nods. They follow the waiter into a secluded booth at the farthest side of the restaurant, away from the other customers, which is really… just a few rich-looking couples who looks at them with disinterest.

The booth in itself looks exquisite with a mahogany table between them and plush cushioned seats Beomgyu, so soft he could sleep on it. The waiter hands them the menu and Taehyun turns to him to ask what he’s ordering but he doesn’t know shit about Indian food so he shrugs. Taehyun took the hint and ordered for him.

When they are left alone, Beomgyu grins at him, “Please don’t tell me you’ve been eating here since you were a kid.”

Taehyun looks surprised for a moment before he realized what he’s referring to and smirks in amusement, “No. This place is just near my apartment.”

“Oh. You live around here?” That’s new. Beomgyu didn’t consider that but then again Taehyun never really told him where in Seoul he lives. Oh how many fangirls would kill to have that sort of information. The thought had him smiling

“Why are you smiling?"

“What? Am I not allowed to smile now?”

Taehyun gives an unreadable expression but he doesn’t respond. He removes his ball cap and places it on the table, running his fingers through his hair and it looks effortlessly stylish, Beomgyu can’t help but swoon.

“What are you up to these past few days, anyway?” Taehyun asks when the waiter who he now knows is Ranjit, from the nameplate on the man’s uniform comes back to serve them warm water.

Beomgyu considers how he should answer that question. Of course, Taehyun doesn’t know anything about what he had gone through. And he didn’t need to know. He reminds himself that this dinner is just a one-time thing… something for old time’s sake and this definitely doesn’t mean they could go back to how they are before. There is no friendship between them now. He doesn’t need to know.

“Oh, I was out of commission for the past weeks… but I’m doing better now.” He says. It’s a nice, vague way to put it. He’s not necessarily being completely truthful but he’s also not technically lying. Taehyun, however, looks unimpressed, “Great. I’m glad.” Then he adds, “Why were you fixing the mural anyway? Yeonjun hyung and I already talked about it and besides…” He pauses, “I thought you dropped out of the project?”

Beomgyu manages to give him a bittersweet smile. Truth be told, KTH is one of the projects close to his heart and it’s such a pain to let it go, “Yeah. I had some personal issues I had to deal with.”

A sullen expression comes over Taehyun’s stoic face and he’s quite amazed at how easy he can read him now. But it still comes as a shock when the guy blurts out, “Me?”

“Huh?” Beomgyu frowns at his implication, unsure what he meant or where that trail of thought ever originated from.

“You left right after I confessed to you.” Taehyun supplies and he can’t help but feel the accusation in that tone. But everything clicks at once. Beomgyu realized how Taehyun blamed himself for him running away. He blamed himself for dropping out of the project.

“I… no… it’s not.” He doesn’t know how to explain it. Not under those scrutinizing eyes of the man currently staring at him now as if urging him to spill out the truth. It would have been easier if he does so, but what is the point of sharing the burden of his secrets to someone who will not be in his life again? _This is a one-time thing, Beomgyu. Don’t get carried away._

“It’s hard to explain, really.” Beomgyu says exasperation in his voice and Taehyun does sigh in resignation. He thought the man would put up a fight and insist on sharing, but it almost shocks him when the guy merely says, “Yeah, sorry I brought it up.”

He wants to tell Taehyun it’s fine, really. That he’s the one being vague, that he wishes he could share it with him but then again, burdening him with that piece of himself is unfair to him. But he can’t bear to look at the pained expression on Taehyun’s face so he decides to at least give him a piece of the truth, “It’s my ex-boyfriend…”

Taehyun doesn’t say anything but his eyes darken for a while before he looks down, hiding his face from Beomgyu. He frowns—Taehyun rarely wears that expression but he’s willing to bet he looked angry. He begins to wonder what would he say if he only knew about his secrets. It will probably scare him away, he thinks.

“Must be a pretty awful breakup if you had to leave just to run away from him.” There is poison in his voice and Beomgyu didn’t miss it. He sighs deeply, smiling bitterly to himself, bad breakup would have been a better alternative. “Yeah…” He’s a psycho, he almost adds but stops himself because Ranjit is already back with their orders.

The smell hypnotizes him. In just a spoonful of the beef curry stew, he wondered why he doesn’t go to Indian restaurants often. “I heard you’re going to China.” Beomgyu fills up another silence and also effectively redirecting the conversation to Taehyun.

“Ah yes… my flight’s next week. Then it’s one whole year in Beijing.” Taehyun says, then as an afterthought, he adds, “I didn’t know you knew.”

Beomgyu snorts, accidentally inhaling the spices making him cough and heave, “Are you kidding me? It’s all over the news.”

This makes Taehyun grin, but he does offer water to him, “You’re exaggerating again.”

“Your fame? I don’t think so.” Beomgyu says, “You should really just quit downplaying your popularity.”

“I’m not downplaying anything. I just think I’m not as popular as you think I am.”

“Who are you and what did you do to my friend?” The moment the words are out of his mouth, he realized the mistake he’s done. First, he had said a phrase he had said before, in the same setting… on their first dinner date and it brought forth a surge of memories he had been trying to avoid the entire night. Second, he had called Taehyun his friend and they are not. He can see the wheels turning in Taehyun’s head as the same realization hits him and the awkward silence that followed is proof of that. “Huh.” Taehyun sighs, “That’s nice.”

He looks up, questions in his eyes and he meets the piercing gaze of the man who gives him a sad smile that tugs at his heart. How did they even come to this? “You saying we’re friends.” Taehyun says quietly, “I don’t think we even are.”

Why not? He wants to ask but he knows it’s true. _Friends don’t just disappear into your life. Friends don’t push you away. Friends don’t hide secrets._ Calling them friends would be a stretch when they are barely acquaintances.

“Right.” He nods, releasing the breath he didn’t know he is holding. Hopefully, by doing that, the stabbing pain in his chest would subside. But it doesn’t.

Ranjit comes back with a bottle of red and two wine glasses. He sets it in front of them and pours a generous amount of the liquid. Beomgyu watches as the glass fills with oxblood red and a memory comes back rushing through him. He can’t help but feel a shudder run through his entire body. He takes a deep breath to steady himself but he can already feel himself shaking… already at the start of a panic attack.

He breathes in and out slowly. This is something he had never told Yeonjun… and only shared this with his psychologist. How that color, that awful bloody red dominates his dreams now. That when he closes his eyes, it’s not darkness he sees… but a flowing red liquid swallowing him alive and he would wake up in a panic for something intangible. Somewhere at the back of his mind, he can hear Namjoon’s voice telling him, ‘You’re experiencing something called Erythrophobia. It’s normal considering what you went through and your abuser’s penchant for the color. You need to work through this fear. Introduce it slowly into your system.’

He’s trying to… which is why he’s incorporating it to lots of his paintings, but it still creates a shudder of fear whenever he does. Sometimes it’s fear, sometimes it’s anger—both unhealthy emotions. He’s slowly working his way through this, but there are times when he gets triggered by it. He just hates how it had to happen now.

“Are you okay?” Taehyun asks but he can’t even bear to raise his eyes to look at him. He does manage to nod, “I think, I just… I need Yeonjun hyung to pick me up. Maybe, we should get back?”

A pause and then Taehyun says, “Okay. Let me just get the check.”

Beomgyu hears a peal of familiar laughter that turns his blood cold. His head snaps in attention as he looks around. In one of the corner booths, he can see a man in a monochromatic suit and red tie, a smirk on those cruel lips and he is looking at him. Directly at him and he feels the scar on his chest sting like it’s being burned again.

_You can never run away from me._

\-----

There is panic in Beomgyu’s eyes as he stares at the patron sitting in one of the corner booths. Taehyun is wondering if he knew the guy but basing on the confused expression of the other man, he doubts they know each other. He grabs Beomgyu’s hand and the man flinches then turns to him—eyes blown wide.

“Are you alright?” He repeats again but the guy doesn’t even answer. He’s starting to panic as well, but he knows he has to pull this through, “Hyung.” He says with urgency and finally, the man blinks up at him, recognizing him, “Hyunnie…”

That single, fragile word spoken softly springs him into action. He grabs the man’s hand and drags him out of the restaurant. He’s still in a trance even when they’re already out in the cold, the restaurant staff looking out the window in confusion. He ignores them and continues walking. The studio is a couple of blocks away from here and he needs Beomgyu to be in a safe place as soon as possible.

He looks up at the building across the street where his apartment is. The choice is obvious but he’s not sure if Beomgyu would appreciate it. He looks at the guy who is shivering, whether from the cold or fear, he doesn’t know. But he does call him again, “Hyung. My apartment is just across the street. Are you okay if you wait there for Yeonjun hyung?”

Beomgyu is just looking at him blankly. He can’t take that as a yes to his invitation so he tries again, this time putting his hands on both his cheeks so he could look at him directly. The instant he does this, it startles the man awake but he doesn’t pull away which is a good sign. “Hyung, do you understand what I’m saying?”

Beomgyu gives a definite nod and then they’re crossing the street towards his apartment. The guard greets him politely when they rush through the doors and the elevator operator opens the door for them. His apartment is at the top floors, but thankfully there are not much people using the elevator at this late hour so they got it for themselves. When they reach his apartment, it’s pretty obvious Beomgyu has calmed down a bit. But he can still see him shaking at the corner of his eyes.

He doesn’t tell him to get in the apartment when he opens the door, and just sort of lets it hang open to still give him the choice to enter or leave. Beomgyu steps inside tentatively, and he follows, closing the door before them gently, careful not to startle the other man. He’s not entirely sure how one should deal with someone having a panic attack, so he makes his movements slow and precise… as if he’s dealing with something fragile.

Beomgyu sees his boxed things but doesn’t comment on it… either he’s still too stunned or just doesn’t care. But he does crawl onto one of the couches and curls in on himself so Taehyun figures it’s the former. Still, he grabs one of the blankets draped on the couch and puts it around the guy’s shoulder who gratefully clutches it to his chest. He walks over to the kitchen… he doesn’t know shit about cooking but he could at least steep some tea. He does the task in silence… boiling water and preparing the leaves the way Jeongguk hyung had taught him how.

His brother taught him this when he was younger, saying his grandmother, from his father’s side, used to prepare tea for him whenever he’s sick or having nightmares and eventually, from watching he eventually learned the technique and passed it on to him. Taehyun never had a grandmother so he thought, it must be nice to have someone to comfort him when times are tough.

He goes back to Beomgyu while he waits for the water to boil. The guy is still curled in on himself, but at least he has stopped shaking. “How are you feeling?” He asks softly and Beomgyu nods and gives him a soft smile, “Better. Thank you.”

They sit in silence for a little while and Taehyun can see how the guy is twiddling with the ends of the blanket, obviously another nervous habit. He doesn’t point this out and just continues staring at the guy who refuses to look him in the eye. The entire night, he has avoided observing Beomgyu because he’s afraid he won’t be able to control himself, but seeing him now openly, he notices a lot of things—how the man appears thinner, how his eyes had bags underneath them and how his cheeks have this unhealthy hollowed-out look. _It’s none of his business. Really…_

But before he can stop himself, he’s already asking, “Does this happen often?”

Beomgyu blinks up at him—a wave of emotions crossing his face in fleeting moments and they are just too fast for him to identify, but the last one was just resignation. He nods, “More than I would have wanted.”

He bites on his lips, already tempted to tell him, he already knows about that guy. That he was there, that he understood his pain more than he thinks he knows but it just feels wrong to say it first because it feels like he’s trespassing into something he was not invited to. But does keeping this a secret from him also betraying his trust?

“We need to talk about this.” Taehyun says and Beomgyu doesn’t even look at him. Not until Taehyun stood in front of him and held both his hands. They are still cold under his touch, “Hyung… I promise I won’t hide anything from you and I don’t want you to think this is not a safe space to talk about this… that I am a stranger to your feelings.”

“What do you mean?”

“I know about him. I know what he did to you. I know… I know and if I could kill him three times over, I would.” Taehyun says and the look of shock that falls onto Beomgyu’s face followed by panic and embarrassment makes Taehyun doubt if he did the right thing.

“H-How?”

“Yeonjun hyung. He told us everything. Don’t hate him. He had to explain what happened to the mural and you… you were gone and we had to look for you.”

Beomgyu pulls his hands away but Taehyun holds onto him, “No, hyung… We can’t run away from this. Not this time.”

The man opens his mouth but no words come out… instead, unconsciously, tears begin to well in his eyes and that’s it. In one swift motion, without even waiting for Beomgyu’s permission, he pulls him up into a tight embrace, almost crushing his body. The man naturally falls into his arms and he struggles to pull away, but Taehyun holds on to him, refusing to let go.

Eventually, arms slowly wrap around him and the guy buries his face on his shoulders before sobbing incoherently. He can feel his sleeve getting wet from the tears but he doesn’t care.

\-----

_We can’t run away from this. Not this time_

It had been a long time since Beomgyu cried this hard. Even longer than he allowed himself to be this vulnerable in front of someone else… not even with Yeonjun, not even with his family. So it’s really a wonder why he’s bawling his eyes out like a child, cradled in the arms of a guy who is his junior.

But god, he feels warm and soft and protected and for once in his life… he doesn’t even have to pretend that he’s okay. He doesn’t even need to fake a smile. He doesn’t need to go through his life proving that he’s not the hollow, broken person that he really is.

They stay like that until his shoulders stopped shaking and his sobs die down into silent tears. Taehyun doesn’t offer any words of comfort or empty promises that he doesn’t have to worry anymore, that nothing will harm him ever again… he just stays there, anchoring him to reality because more than creating this illusion of a world filled with faux happiness and security, despair always carries him back away in its ominous currents. Taehyun doesn’t let him drown. So he holds onto him like a lifeline.

“Hyung…” Taehyun whispers softly and he doesn’t answer. He’s afraid, terribly afraid that the person who’s breathing life into him would push him away… the same way he did. He’s afraid that he had already chased him away and now, it’s his turn to do the same.

“Hyung…” Taehyun calls again, “Come to China with me.”

“What?” Beomgyu must have heard him wrong. Because there’s just no way…

“To Beijing.” Taehyun says, “If you want to run away… do it with me. Do it where I can be with you.”

“Hyunnie, you didn’t just ask me to elope with you,” It’s not really a question…The concept is terribly sweet and painful at the same time. He imagines himself living in China and can’t help but find the idea so tempting but he knows it’s not as simple as it seems. Beomgyu shakes his head fondly, “I can’t. You know I can’t.”

“Why not?” Taehyun asks, “You can easily get more clients in China. You can set up a small studio there. It will not be that hard for you because you’re super talented and even if no one will hire you, I will. You can create my brand… you can—”

“Hyunnie.” He realized he’s crying, again, but this time for a different reason. From the looks of it, Taehyun also knows this and he’s just staring at him with pleading eyes. _Please, don’t make this hard for us. We’ve come a long way for us to go back to square one. Please, let’s make this work._

Taehyun slowly and tentatively raises a hand to Beomgyu’s cheek, wiping away his tears and in a soft whisper, he asks "Can I kiss you?" 

Beomgyu doesn't respond but he does close his eyes and leans in close until their lips come together. Everything comes to a stop, the world, the time—it was like getting swallowed inside a vacuum where everything just kind of disappeared—everything, except maybe his heart pounding loudly like a beat drum against his chest.

The kiss begins slow, then grows urgent and desperate like they are trying to catch up to the days gone by and the days they will lose. Taehyun holds him close, one arm snaking around his waist while the other takes purchase of his jaw to push his lips apart. When he does allow access, a tongue quickly delves in and begins exploring the crevices of his mouth. He gasps but the sound gets muffled right away, Taehyun literally taking his breath away as he inhales deeply. He tastes like Indian food which is probably the least romantic flavor ever… but the underlying taste of Taehyun overpowers this ultimately and he finds it addicting really. Before he knows it, he's already responding with equal abandon, their tongues like flames rolling around each other creating a beautiful dance.

He doesn’t expect the onslaught of emotions making his heart throb painfully and his body weak, he feels his knees buckle under his weight. He’s not sure if he’s really falling or it just feels like he is… but Taehyun is slipping a hand behind his neck as if to make sure he doesn’t fall but Beomgyu knows it’s already too late.

When they pull away, they’re both breathless. And the expression on their faces is identical. “I like you, Hyung.” Taehyun, of course, is the first one to say this. Beomgyu will always envy how stubborn and fearless this boy is, "Please run away with me." It's surprising to see tears brimming on Taehyun's eyes, threatening to spill over... and he knows why. Because deep down, Taehyun understands Beomgyu will say no.

It's funny how not one of them even suggests being friends with each other knowing it will all just be a pretence that they couldn't uphold. Not without falling in love and hurting each other again. Beomgyu wants to do it, really. The idea of falling in love with Taehyun is something he is willing to bet on. He had always been cautious in his life, afraid to get hurt, afraid to trust again but he's willing to take a chance on what they have. But not now. Not when he's merely a shadow of who he is. Not at the possibility of drowning again when he gets overwhelmed with the world and he'll take Taehyun with him.

_I can't run away this time._ Taehyun nods in understanding and he realized he had spoken it out loud again.

There is the trepidation of their goodbye sitting in the air around them like a thick blanket and they don't break the silence. Not until there is a whistle in the kitchen meaning the water has already boiled and Beomgyu's phone buzzes to life with a call from Yeonjun who's probably worried sick at the studio.

Their time is over. They know this, but nobody makes a move--maybe, if they stay completely still, the world will forget about them. If only things would have been so simple, the choice would have been easier for them. If only he's not as broken as he is. But sometimes life plays a cruel joke. It brings people together only to pull them apart because it's not the right time for them.

"I have to go." Beomgyu says, pulling away.

It hurts to separate--and it hurts more when Taehyun doesn't make a move to hold on to him, but he knows this is for the best.

When Beomgyu walks out of the apartment, he doesn't even spare a glance back at the man who doesn't make a move to follow him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> since i dont have much work to do, here i am updating my fanfic. and oh, ive written a yeonbin oneshot (without sleeping at night), please give it a read! here is the link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25713592  
> comments and kudos are appreciated!


	15. Once Upon A Time In Korea Pt.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> beomgyu finally starts afresh. but will he actually forget about kang taehyun or fate will make them cross each other's paths again?

“Are you sure you brought enough?” Jeon Suyeon asks probably for the fourth time already. Beomgyu smiles and shows him the pack of her special oolong tea blend packed neatly in the purple velvet pouch the size of his arm, “Yes. This is worth at least two months.” He shakes it a bit as if to prove it.

The old woman gives him her signature smile—wrinkled, beautiful and picturesque. It sits perfectly her small face, a cloud of wispy white hair around her shoulders. Beomgyu thinks he should have gone through with the idea of taking a photo of her and including it in the collage on the wall of Haedabang, but he remembers how she’s adamantly against the idea. They come here for my tea, not me. Beomgyu doubts it. She’s such a pleasant lady she needs to take more credit.

“This place will be empty without you, Beomgyu-ah.” She says wiping unshed tears as she looks him up and down. Beomgyu breathes harshly through his nose to stop himself from tearing up, “I’ll only be gone for a few months.” He says which is true. The art program will only run for two years and he’ll be back before they know even know it. Jeon Suyeon purses her lips and then she shakes her head, “I’m old, Gyu-ah… I might not be around when you— “

He clicks his tongue in annoyance and stops sorting through the tea leaves she had harvested that morning, “I told you to stop talking like that.” He sends a glare her way and she only laughs which in turn makes Beomgyu laugh as well, “Stop teasing me.”

He will miss the old lady. For the past year and a half, she had made Ansan feel like home to him and to his staffs. Deciding to move their design agency to Ansan was probably the best decision they had ever made. Not only did it bring forth reprieve from the daily hustle of the city, but it also brought in a different kind of clients. Clients like Haedabang, small businesses that need tremendous help with their branding and their overall look. The business is not as big as their previous Seoul clients and more often than not, requires more effort from the team, but they had never been more inspired to work on projects that actually change people’s lives.

“Besides, the staffs will keep you company.” As if on cue, Hueningkai comes in, his flight bag in tow, “Beomgyu hyung, I already loaded the car. We can leave right away.”

“Are you that eager to get rid of me?” Beomgyu leers at the boy and he blushes immediately, “Of course not! I’m not— “too late to see Beomgyu is only teasing and he gives a petulant pout.

Beomgyu rubs his head like he would if he had a younger brother, when another of his staffs come in. Soobin nods at him, as formal as ever, “Have a safe flight, Beomgyu.”

“You’ll take care of him, won’t you?” It’s not a question really… more of a confirmation. The boy who’s the most eloquent of all the staffs nods at him, “Of course.”

He grins pulling Hueningkai to him, “Whip this one to shape.” 

Hueningkai struggles in his hold but he ruffled his hair again fondly. In truth, the past year had proven how talented and reliable his staffs really are. As a team, they really are quite a force to be reckoned with and Soobin really has the makings of a leader, sometimes even more than Beomgyu. He has no doubt the agency will be in good hands in his absence.

He gives one last goodbye to Jeon Suyeon, scanning the café again, appreciating the place which had been an extension not only of his office—this is usually where he meets his clients, but also his home. He will miss this place terribly, the aroma of tea constantly brewing, the smell of freshly baked bread. He knows he will find it in other places… but it won’t be the same as it is here.

It had been almost two years now since they finished the job here in Haedabang but it still almost feels like it’s yesterday. Everything still looks brand new, thanks to Jeon Suyeon’s incessant need to keep everything in tiptop shape. No paint has peeled off, no photograph has faded and the varnish on the wood is still shiny as if they were just processed yesterday. He breathes in this sight one last time before he heads to the waiting car.

He finds his psychologist who had become a good friend, Namjoon waiting for him, wearing a blue checkered blazer over a white turtleneck and casual denim jeans. It doesn’t matter how many times he has seen him in casual clothes… he always finds it unnerving to not see him in his doctor's clothes. He probably owes his life and sanity to this fresh-faced boy who looks way younger than his real age. Despite his looks, he’s one of the people who pulled Beomgyu through his darkest moments. He made him deal with his demons one step at a time, telling him life is almost like dancing… _you do it by the numbers but you let the music speak to you._ He has a suspicion he only said that because he secretly loves dancing.

Regardless, he is one of the people who convinced him to take this scholarship saying a change of scenery would do him good. Only if Beomgyu promises to take his meds and would call at least twice a month for a video call consultation, free of charge. He didn’t know such a thing existed but he shrugged and agreed with it. _As long as it’s free._

He is smiling at Beomgyu, his huge dimples showing. He is bearing a gift wrapped in yellow paper—it’s probably a hardbound self-help book. He takes it gratefully and gives the smaller man a tight embrace. He feels anxiety build up inside him as it all seems real now. Next to Yeonjun, Namjoon is probably the next person he trusts whole-heartedly.

“You’ll be fine,” Namjoon says… trust him to read through his tight embrace and the reluctance to let go.

It still takes a few more soothing pats on the back before he lets go. “You won’t be alone in Korea anyway.” He says and Beomgyu’s smile is back as he remembers, “Yeah, I won’t be.”

He’s right. Yeonjun will be there and has been living in Seoul for a year now. Though they have lived separate lives since then and had developed different priorities, one thing remains and that’s Yeonjun will always be there for him. That should ease his mind.

They say their farewells then Beomgyu climbs into the driver’s seat of Yeonjun’s pickup. He learned how to drive a year ago and it was a skill he had learned to love over time simply because of the freedom it brings. Hueningkai gets in on the passenger's seat because he’s the one who will bring the truck back to Ansan.

He keeps glancing at the people and at Haedabang through the rear-view mirror as he drives away. He keeps thinking about how everything is perfect right now and that two years might indeed be a long time and when he comes back, things would never be the same again. He feels the onset of a rising anxiety attack and he grips hard on the steering wheel and works to breathe through it, just how he and Namjoon practiced.

_It’s for the better._ He can hear the man’s melodic voice in his head. _You can’t keep living in your comfort zone just because it’s safer. Putting yourself out there is always a good choice._

Hueningkai, ever the oblivious one doesn’t seem to know what is happening to him and continues humming to himself. When he calms down, he drives normally again.

“How many years will it take again?”

“Two years.” He says keeping his eyes on the road. At least driving gives him something to focus on.

“And it’s all-expense-paid kind of thing?”

“Yeah, something like that… well, the accommodation is already paid but I have a sponsor who will support me with an allowance.”

Hueningkai wolf whistles, “I wish I could also join the program.”

Beomgyu chuckles, “I wish I could tell you how. I didn’t even know how I qualified until I got the call two weeks ago and the official letter last week.”

Hueningkai nods and hums a non-committal sound, “I guess I’m not as talented as you are.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You’re talented enough.” He says slowing down to make a right turn. Thankfully, traffic isn’t that bad today, thank God he chose an early Sunday morning. “Besides they just mentioned something about seeing a mural I painted.”

“Which mural though?”

“Beats me. They didn’t mention it. But it could be anything.” Beomgyu remembers the phone call he received two weeks ago. It came from Seoul University and he almost didn’t believe it.

“Congratulations, your application has been reviewed and we’re happy to invite you to join our advanced art program.” The voice was a woman and she has perfect English, “This program will run for two years but don’t worry. The university will provide you with free plane tickets to and from Ansan and the accommodation.”

The woman continues rambling on and all Beomgyu can think of is he doesn’t even remember he’s applying for anything. Maybe this is a scam. Eventually the call ends but not before the woman asks him to jot down a number he could call to confirm his flight details and another number for other details.

He called Yeonjun right after and that’s when the guy confessed, he did apply for him just to see if something will come up and he also submitted all the photos he has of Beomgyu’s works. Beomgyu doesn’t know if he’ll thank the guy or just get mad at him…. but he chose the former. Besides, he can easily decline it.

When he called the number again, it was already to confirm his acceptance of the offer and his flight. He was told that his plane ticket will be emailed to him within the week. He also began asking about the coverage of the scholarship—something she might have said earlier but wasn’t paying any attention to. “Will we be allowed to work part-time to support ourselves?” He asks.

“Well, it totally depends on you but we highly discourage it. It’s a very gruelling program.”

Beomgyu understands a bit. How many nights had he spent with Yeonjun on the phone, with the guy ranting about how much he misses home. “They’re really, really great artists here. I can’t help but feel I was just a big fish in a small pond.”

But he has to manage his living expenses, he counters but the woman says their program allows anonymous sponsors to support artists and luckily for him, one sponsor generously offered to do so. Somehow, this idea doesn’t bode well with him as it reminds him of his previous predicament but then the woman assured him that they will not be allowed to contact each other and the transaction will purely be done through the college. Still, he asks why the sponsor chose to support him and she just mentions, the sponsor liked one of your murals.

They drive for another hour, Hueningkai’s constant chatters about almost anything under the sun keeping him awake. It will forever amaze him how the guy can talk so much.

“Are we not going straight to the airport?” Hueningkai asks when they head to a small block and he pulls over to the side of the road into a ramen place.

“I just want to say goodbye to someone.” He says getting out. The façade of Ikeda-san’s ramen shop comes into view and without waiting for Hueningkai to follow him, he goes inside and is welcomed by the familiar scent of boiled pork. “Ah, Beomgyu-sshi!” Ikeda-san calls from the counter.

He’s slicing up the chashu pork he’ll use for the day when he looks up to see who entered. He looks a little older now, but the smile he gives is the same one he gave the first time they met and that other time Beomgyu serendipitously came across this place again with Yeonjun. It was three months after they transferred their office to Ansan and they’re on their way to meet with another client when they missed a turn and somehow ended up in this block. Since then, both he and Yeonjun who has fallen in love with the place as well had always made it a point to drop by whenever they have to go to Seoul. “What are you still doing here? I thought your flight’s today?” Ikeda-san asks and Beomgyu pouts, “What? I can’t say goodbye?”

“Probably to go on about the shop’s renovation.” Kairi comes in from the kitchen, carrying a tray of bowls and plates. The teen has grown taller now and her hair has gotten longer but she’s still that precocious, opinionated child she was from way back. Even so, Beomgyu has grown fond of her as well and slowly the girl has also warmed up to him… though she will probably never admit it.

Ikeda-san gives a burst of breathy laughter, “You just don’t know how to give up, Beomgyu-sshi.” It’s true. Every single time he visits, he always offered his services to the man to upgrade and renovate the shop… modernize it a bit, tweak its design even at the lowest, friendliest cost… but the man always turns him down. He says he wants to preserve the authenticity of the place and keep it as it is when he first established it. Beomgyu understands this, but it doesn’t mean he won’t try to convince him to upgrade even just a few things.

Beomgyu chuckles even when Kairi rolls her eyes at them, “Well that’s not what I’m here for but if you really wanted to, you know you always have my staffs at your disposal.” He says as Hueningkai enters the store. He has to commend that kid for his impeccable timing today. Kairi’s eyes widen when he sees Hueningkai… a blush rising to her cheeks and she immediately scrambles back to the kitchen door where she came from, slamming it so hard it must have unlatched itself from its hinges.

He and Ikeda-san share a bewildered look before the two of them are laughing at the expense of the equally red-faced Hueningkai who goes back out of the store, excusing himself from the awkward, teasing atmosphere. _Right_. Weird as it sounds, but somewhere during their frequent visits to the shop, Kairi has developed a huge crush on his junior.

“Looks like she still likes you.” Beomgyu shakes his head realizing Kairi has not changed one bit. She’s still easily flustered in front of her crush. It reminds him of a fond memory that he pushes away from his thoughts.

“It will take some time.” Ikeda-san says, probably also remembering the same person because he glances at Beomgyu with a certain look that only old people can do—one that makes Beomgyu feel young and naïve. “You guys still haven’t talked?”

Beomgyu doesn’t let his smile falter when he shakes his head, “What’s the point? Besides, we’re both busy.” This is true for both of them. He was busy rebuilding his life in Ansan and Taehyun was busy building his life in China.

“I don’t understand you kids,” Ikeda-san says, shaking his head, “You obsess over someone but refuses to talk to them as well. I will never get it.” Beomgyu wants to protest that he’s not obsessing over Taehyun, but that won’t be entirely true as well.

It took a while for Beomgyu to follow the celebrity in Twitter but he eventually did and from there, he gets updates and tidbits of information from his fans. Maybe that’s what he is now, _just a fan._

He’d be proud to be one anyway because this multi-talented star deserved all the love he is receiving. The guy’s breakthrough drama with Liu Yifei was a major success and their love team’s fame skyrocketed their careers all around Asia. He hasn’t watched the series yet, but rumor has it that their chemistry is so believable even fans think they are dating for real.

Beomgyu has worked up enough strength to swallow that piece of news down his throat without feeling like shit afterward. Namjoon had told him how life is cruel for many things, but never for not waiting on you. _Your choice to pause, take a break, care for yourself doesn’t mean the world around you should stop… that people’s lives should slow down for you._ But he did stop constantly checking on him. Last he heard was he already bought a place in Beijing because another series with the same leading lady is on its way. He barely goes home to Seoul anyway, only to do promotions and fulfill prior commitments to his brand endorsements, but most of his time he spends now in Beijing.

Beomgyu manages to give a smile, “I wish it was just that simple.”

“It should be if you wanted it to be.” Ikeda-san says, grinning triumphantly “Back in my day when you like someone, you just tell that person right away.”

Beomgyu can’t help but laugh, finally understanding why Taehyun likes Ikeda-san. He reminds him so much of the guy.

The smile on the old man’s face fades and he looks at Beomgyu more seriously this time, “I’ve watched you for the past year and has seen you…” He pauses, “I don’t know the entire story, but from what I can deduce… you were, hurting back then. Still are… but maybe not as much.”

Beomgyu blinks at him in surprise. He never told Ikeda-san anything about his life, it must be another old man skill or maybe something you learn when you’re a shop owner who has to deal with different customer woes, but being able to read people and know their struggles, without them opening up to you.

“I was… dealing with some stuff back then.” Beomgyu says, deliberately avoiding discussing it any further, but he does add, “I guess I still am.” Depression is something he is learning to live with—the medications and the weekly visits with Namjoon definitely help but he will battle with this for the rest of his life. It doesn’t mean you can’t be a normal person. You just need a little push.

Ikeda-san understands his reluctance and nods, “I can only tell you one thing, though.” He says, “And this is usually what I also tell other customers who come here with the same eyes you have.”

“Same eyes?”

“Forgive yourself.” Ikeda-san says firmly before he hands him two packs of takeout ramen, “Eat this before you fly off and come back for god knows when.”

Beomgyu stares at the plastic bag holding two carton bowls of ramen—it’s the same ones he usually carries to take home ramen to the staffs. He is too stunned to answer. _Forgive yourself?_

_Hasn’t he done that already?_

“I’ll be back in two years.” He says taking the offered package, “Please take care of yourself, Ikeda-san. Say goodbye to Kairi for me.”

“I’m not so sure about that.” Ikeda-san gives a meaningful smile as Beomgyu walks out the door.

He’s almost out of earshot when the man calls out, “Tell him to drop by sometime. This old man misses that kid.”

\-----

Hueningkai surprisingly is not the teary-eyed mess he was when he first learned about Beomgyu’s decision to leave. Probably, eating the ramen at the airport parking lot has lifted his mood a bit. Either that or he’s just putting up a brave face right now and will show his cry-baby self later.

He gets his answer soon enough when they roll in the departure area where he needs to check in on his own. “I’ll make sure to give you updates on the status of our projects.” Hueningkai assures him in a steady voice but when Beomgyu peers at him, he can see that his eyes are already wet.

“Thanks,” Beomgyu smiles trying to blink back his tears again. When he pushed Yeonjun to go to Seoul, Hueningkai had put it upon himself to take care of him…. keep him grounded to reality whenever he’s drowning with work. His staffs really are so reliable. “You’ll help out Soobin hyung, won’t you?”

Hueningkai snorts, “You know he won’t need it.”

“Still…”

The boy nods.

“And Yeonjun hyung’s truck?”

“I’ll take care of it as if it’s my own child.”

Beomgyu smiles at that before he adds, “You’ll be good while I’m gone, okay?”

Another nod and this time the boy looks a bit blurry and he realized it was him who’s crying.

Hueningkai doesn’t comment on this. He just nods and tells him he will not just be good, but he will be stellar, he will make him proud. It makes Beomgyu laugh and just like that, the atmosphere of their goodbye gets lighter.

They’ll be okay, Beomgyu thinks, _I’ll be okay._

That short goodbye puts him in good spirits when he boards his flight. He is lucky enough to get a window seat at the front of the cabin which means he has extra legroom. It will only take three hours from Ansan to Incheon International Airport but he’s still grateful for this small comfort. When he gets to his seat, for the first time since he decided to leave, he feels relaxed. It’s a good feeling and he relishes it because knowing himself, this probably won’t last that long. But he realizes that this is the first time he is leaving a place he isn’t running away from. It feels refreshing, to say the least.

He manages to take a quick selfie and sends it to Yeonjun before the announcement to turn off their phones comes on.

_< < [image sent]_

_< < Already on the plane. See you in three hours._

_> > Should I prep the banners?_

_< < Sure. Better bring my welcome drinks._

_> > I can only offer Starbucks coffee._

_< < Deal._

He is smiling when he puts his phone in plane mode just when the flight attendant comes around, telling him to do exactly just like that. He contents himself with looking out the window, as Ansan begins to come to life in the wee hours of the morning. He looks out at the horizon and begins to think about what Ikeda-san told him.

_Forgive yourself._

He wonders if it’s true. After all, he has been through, he has always blamed himself. There’s always a part of him that whispers this nasty message to him whenever something goes wrong, maybe you deserved it.

_Was it really necessary to ask forgiveness to himself?_

He falls asleep pondering about this and when he wakes up, it’s because the plane is already landing.

\-----

Incheon International Airport is impressive not just in size but its overall design. Yeonjun has warned him about this—how the airport will make his jaw drop and it did. The soaring glass ceiling lets in a lot of natural light into the airport creating a bright, welcoming and almost cheery atmosphere. The airport is also decked with amazing features: incredible green art installations, and a café with an observation deck.

This is where Yeonjun had agreed to meet him. He heads to the café, finding it easier to navigate despite the thousands of people walking around. He is on the escalator on the way up to the floor where the café is when he sees a group of people rushing down from where he is heading. It did look dangerous at first, what with the huge bulky men plowing through the crowd of people when he realizes that it’s a form of security.

He feels his chest tighten not for any other reason but, is it possible? _Could it really happen? Is fate really toying with him?_

When the group passes him, he peers at the man who is standing behind the security, eyes completely down. It’s like the world surrounding him had slowed down and gone silent.

He’s wearing a plain white pullover and black knee-length cargo pants. His dark auburn hair is covered by a ball cap and his face is hidden beneath a white face mask. Even so, Beomgyu knows exactly who that person is.

“Taehyun…!” the words slip out of his lips before he can stop them with a hand covering his mouth. It almost gets immediately drowned by the screams of “Taehyun! Taehyun!” of the fans all around him… except the guy has actually heard him.

Taehyun looks up and they lock eyes for a split second before the guy is being whisked away by his security, the group of rabid fans trailing before him. Beomgyu reaches the top of the escalator still at a loss for words. What a cruel joke. Seeing Taehyun on his first day in Seoul. On the first day of his new beginning.

Then it hits him--in that split second that their eyes met, Beomgyu realized… that he will never get him out of his system and it’s surprisingly because he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to forget about him.

He panics at the thought. _How bold of him to think of it as if he can still do something about it._ How conceited to think Taehyun still wants anything to do with him when he has rejected him thrice. But it’s also a shock because when he thinks about it, he doesn’t care. Suddenly, pining for Taehyun seems a better choice than trying to deny his existence.

He walks silently to the cafe and begins to notice things around him—how Taehyun’s face is plastered in the window displays of many shops here in the airport. Still a top commodity wherever he goes, he thinks a little bit proud and a lot more insecure.

It’s a beautiful restaurant--a mixture of modern rustic elements creating a natural, green look that fits the airport’s overall theme perfectly. But what sets it apart is the overview deck--huge windows showing the busy runway filled with planes departing and arriving. He finds Yeonjun in one of the tables near the window. He looks different now. Though his hair is the same length and the same style, it has a light copper color that softens his face more. His style looks different now, too. Yeonjun is always the type who doesn’t think much about what he’s wearing, he can go out with just his shirt and jeans and only on special occasions does he wear something special like a suit or a blazer. But now, the guy is wearing a white turtleneck and a grey tweed coat.

He can’t believe a year in Seoul has transformed his best friend before he even realized. He was right about one thing, though, when Yeonjun sees him, a smile brightens up his face. “Beomgyu!” He calls, raising his arm to wave frantically at him. Beomgyu can’t help but return the smile as he strides towards the guy who immediately gives him a tight embrace.

“You look good.” Beomgyu says when Yeonjun releases him, else they’d get weird looks around them. They already got enough attention as it is, two good-looking guys will never be missed in a crowd even as big as this.

“How’s your flight?” Yeonjun asks, pushing a cup of warm coffee his way before telling him he already ordered for the two of them. Beomgyu takes it gratefully and sips the hot beverage, realizing how cold his hands are, “Uneventful.” He’s technically telling the truth… Yeonjun didn’t ask about how his very short stay in Seoul has gone so far.

When Beomgyu gave Yeonjun the pack of tea leaves from Jeon Suyeon, the guy used that opportunity to ask about home. Beomgyu tells him the latest updates although it’s not much because even when he’s in Ansan they usually keep in touch. Still, Beomgyu can see the longing in Yeonjun’s eyes whenever he mentions about their staffs. He misses them and it sucks because he will never admit it.

When stories about home run out, Yeonjun starts talking about his life in Seoul and how excited he is to be reunited again with Beomgyu. He’s telling him how he’ll love the program because their classmates belong to different age groups and industries, some are younger some are older than them so they’ll provide new perspectives in their craft. Beomgyu eagerly listens, curious about the life his friend has spent in this land. So far, everything seems nice, but it’s missing the most important element and for some reason, the guy seems to always deviate from that topic so he brings it up.

“How’s Yeji-ssi?”

Yeonjun stops his endless rambling before he stares at Beomgyu, a blush evident on his face. The waiter thankfully brings in their orders saving Yeonjun from the awkward, abrupt interruption.

Five months ago, Yeonjun told him about this girl in his class which he finds attractive. She has a sunshine smile, he had told him, like her presence just brightens up the room where she goes. Beomgyu is thrilled for his friend because he had never seen him that happy. He told him to go for it, ask her out on a date. Maybe, that’s what’s missing in his life.

Two months later, Yeonjun called him to tell him he wants him to meet her--even just in a video call. She’s a sweet girl—same age as Yeonjun and has the ability to be liked instantly. Beomgyu definitely sees how perfect they are together. It’s a bonus that the two of them hit it off immediately.

“She wants to come with me to pick you up,” Yeonjun says, “But she had to go back home to Jeju for her grandparents’ wedding anniversary and won’t be back until next week.” Beomgyu nods and smiles, “She’s really sweet.”

“Yeah, she can’t wait to meet you.” Yeonjun chuckles, “Tells me every day since she learned you’re coming. I swear I should have withheld that information for as long as I can.”

Beomgyu chuckles, “Careful I might steal her.”

Yeonjun rolls his eyes, “I won’t even be surprised. She keeps on telling me how handsome you look and how lucky I am to be best friends with you. That girl.” He shakes his head but the fondness in his voice is obvious.

They talked some more over their meal and before they knew it, an hour had already passed. Beomgyu wonders if he should tell the guy about seeing Taehyun but decides against it. Taehyun is part of a past they had successfully avoided talking about. He won’t dampen their mood on his first day in Seoul. That topic is reserved some other day.

\-----

They head straight to the university admin office from the airport. Yeonjun helps him in finding the right people to talk to and filling up the form. He finally meets the woman who called him up, Kim Yewon who’s probably just his age, maybe elder than him by one or two years. She’s a woman with dainty features and short wavy hair. She smiles warmly at him when she recognizes him and tells him everything he needs to know before turning over the key to his dorm.

He was about to leave her office when she calls him back and gives him a white envelope. “Your sponsor left this for you today.”

“My sponsor? But you already wired me the allowance for this month.”

Kim Yewon shakes her head, “Many sponsors really give welcome gifts to their beneficiaries. Don’t think much about it.”

Beomgyu nods but just stares at the envelope, it’s thin which means if it’s money, it’s not much—hopefully. He doesn’t want this to feel like he’s leeching off of someone else’s money. But Yewon is smiling at him which probably means this is normal. _Although…_

“You said it was left today?”

“Yeah.” Kim Yewon nods, “A bit of a coincidence, I know. We usually don’t give specific updates to your sponsors to keep your privacy and their anonymity.”

Beomgyu is still reluctant to accept it, “Can I just ask one thing?”

“Hmn?”

“The one who left it… is it a man?”

Kim Yewon purses her lips, unsure if she’s allowed to say. But there must be a desperate look on Beomgyu’s face because she shrugs and says, “I can only say this much—no, it’s a Chinese woman who just really loved your work.”

Beomgyu does accept the envelope, though he still feels weird for him to have a sponsor. Maybe, after a month, he can try to find a part-time job so he can forego this financial aid. The only thing that sets his mind at ease is that even Yeonjun received the same welcome gift from his sponsor, although he got his, a week after he arrived.

For the next two days, unpacking Beomgyu’s things and touring the university. It brings back college memories and Beomgyu can say he is a bit excited. His dorm is a single room on the fifth floor at Seoul, just one floor up from Yeonjun’s. It’s small but somehow he finds the space cozy. Yeonjun tells him amusedly how the small space means less cleaning.

In between settling down in his dorm, Yeonjun helps him get acquainted with navigating the buildings and facilities in the university. His class will start next week which means he only has limited time to explore and familiarize himself in this new environment. Yeonjun can’t always accompany him although the man promised him he’d try his best.

He finally meets Yeji on a Sunday evening when Yeonjun took them out for Chinese barbecue in a student favorite restaurant near their dorm. The moment they’re introduced… they clicked right away. It’s like she had been a friend since forever and they share stories and funny anecdotes, most of the time at Yeonjun’s expense.

“You’d love it here.” Yeji says taking another gulp of his fourth bottle of soju. They’ve all had plenty to drink and Beomgyu can already feel a bit tipsy although he’s still trying to control his alcohol because his first class is early tomorrow morning.

“Seoul is a beautiful city.” Yeji continues, “But Jeju is better. I’ll take you there sometimes.”

“What about me?” Yeonjun says feigning offense. Among the three of them, the guy is the soberest.

Yeji regards him with a pout then says, “Yeah I guess you can tag along.”

Beomgyu wheezes when Yeonjun’s eyes widen, “What the?! I’m your boyfriend!”

“Yeah! But you’ve been there and he hasn’t!” She points a drunken finger at Beomgyu, pressing it to his shoulder, “Besides, he’s really super handsome.”

He laughs harder and Yeji joins in the fun. Yeonjun just shakes his head but there’s amusement in his eyes. Beomgyu feels she’s intentionally doing it to rile up the guy.

“Do you watch Chinese Dramas? Jeju is always a famous location for them.”

“That guy doesn’t even own a television.”

“Oh, that’s too bad.” Yeji pouts then shrugs, “Though, I can still take you to one of the locations where they shot The Love of Hypnosis.” When she says that, Beomgyu keeps thinking why that name sounds familiar and only when she speaks again does he remember.

“I love that show. The leading man there looks so beautiful.” She says and it all clicks in his head when he says, “Taehyun. He’s also Korean so you guys might know him.”

Yeonjun turns to him in alarm. Thankfully, he’s too drunk to react quickly and the lazy smile on his face is still there. Obviously, he knows his girlfriend has a major crush on Taehyun considering she didn’t stop gushing about his looks, how good of a dancer he is, how cool he is regardless of what he’s wearing and how his coldness to his fans only makes him more attractive. All these things, Beomgyu already knows and he feels his face heat up slowly as he listens. Or maybe it’s just the alcohol he’s been continuously drinking.

Eventually, Yeji realizes she’s the only one speaking and she frowns at Beomgyu, “Well?”

“Well, what?”

“Do you know him?”

Yeonjun is about to save him but he does nod, “It’s impossible not to.” To the extreme delight of the girl, “I know right? He’s such a cool guy. I wish I could see him in person. I’m too busy to go to his appearances.”

“I saw him at the airport when I arrived.” It must be the alcohol that made him blurt that line out without really thinking of anything. The reactions that followed were immediate. Yeji squeals and tells him how lucky he is and how envious she is of him. While Yeonjun looks surprised then worried, he refused to say a word.

Yeji was too drunk and too sleepy to walk when they ended the night so Yeonjun had to carry her in a piggyback. They walk their way back to the university dorms in silence. There are a few students who are doing their nightly jogs and they come across them a few times as well as other students on their way back either from a part-time job or like them, a night of drinking, but the streets are already relatively empty and quiet. 

It’s cooler that night but the skies are clear and the moon is shining brightly down on them. He can’t see the sky clearly because of the huge trees blocking his view but he’s willing to bet that the sky is also littered with stars. “Kind of reminds you of that night, doesn’t it?” Yeonjun asks. He’s walking ahead of him and he can only see Yeji’s back, he did stop walking but he didn’t look back.

Beomgyu sighs. That night. He knows exactly what Yeonjun is talking about. That night when Yeonjun picked him up in tears and inconsolable and yet he refused to tell him why. Of course, Yeonjun eventually found out but he was just too broken and too lost to talk about it then.

“Heard he decided to keep the mural.” Yeonjun says. A week after that night, when he’s sure Taehyun won’t incidentally walk in, he decided to go back and fix it. Kim Taehyung told him Taehyun is already looking at covering up the entire thing but he still fixed it, anyway because it’s part of what he paid for. People must have thought him crazy to still fix a mural which will be painted over, but it was also his way to say goodbye to it… a way to say goodbye to that part of his life.

_And now?_

Yeonjun is looking at him now, face unreadable. Beomgyu stills under that scrutinizing gaze. Despite his typically gentle nature, Yeonjun can really look intimidating if he wants to. He wonders if this is how Hueningkai always sees him. “Why didn’t you tell me you saw him?”

“I didn’t think it still mattered.” Beomgyu lies and begins to hate himself ultimately. But what can he tell Yeonjun, really? That he was affected by it? He hasn’t even processed how he feels about that accidental meeting. He’s way too busy and occupied to actually stop and think about his feelings.

_No way._

Yeonjun considers this and nods slowly, “And did he see you?”

Beomgyu pauses to think what he will say but that’s enough for Yeonjun. He shakes his head and gives a sad, bitter chuckle that grows into full-blown laughter which looks hard and weird for him considering he’s still carrying his girlfriend on his back.

“What’s funny?” Beomgyu asks.

“Don’t you see it?” Yeonjun counters, “The way fate always seems to find a way to bring you two together.”

He blinks at Yeonjun, confused about what he meant. But he chuckles at the last minute, “I didn’t know Seoul turned you into a romantic.”

The joke doesn’t make the other guy’s expression falter and he realized Yeonjun is serious about this. If any, he looks a little pained when he says, “That day… When we rescued you from Byung-hoon.” At the mention of his name, Beomgyu is gripped with anxiety. It had been too long since any of them spoke of him--too long since he heard that name spoken out loud and not inside the four corners of Namjoon’s office. Yeonjun is usually very particular and careful not to say his name, so, why?

“It’s him.”

“Huh?”

“He rescued you.”

Beomgyu opens his mouth to say what? But somehow, he’s too shell-shocked to actually produce even a single word. Yeonjun waits for the information to sink in but it already did and now Beomgyu’s heart is beating so fast he’s about to hyperventilate. “Wha—I don’t understand.”

“He was there.” Yeonjun repeats but Beomgyu’s not listening anymore. He is deafened by the roaring thunder created by the storm already raging inside him. There’s a deluge of memories flooding inside him, and he was already being swept away. He had to remind himself how to breathe over and over or else, he’s afraid he’ll drown. His voice. His face… It wasn’t his imagination. _He was there. He was there and saw how broken Beomgyu is, and yet he still asked him to go to China with him. Why?_ He saw how broken he was. He saw it and still wanted him. 

_Why?_

He knows why. Because he’s Kang Taehyun. He’s a headstrong, steadfast guy who is so used to working for what he wants, he thinks ‘No’ simply means ‘Try again’. And yet when Beomgyu told him that he needs time for himself, he simply held back and let him slip away. How hard it must have been for someone as stubborn as Taehyun.

“Beomgyu…” He blinks again and Yeonjun is already in front of him, reaching out to touch his shoulder, “Are you okay?”

Beomgyu wants to say yes, but he can’t. Not when his heart is breaking and yearning for that person who saw him in his vulnerable state and still wanted him. It’s too late for them now. He knows this and Yeonjun can see the understanding in his face.

He gives a patronizing smile and squeezes his shoulder, “Let’s go home.”

\-----

Back in the darkness and silence of his dorm, Beomgyu lays in bed, staring at the empty ceiling. Yeonjun suggested to put up some artworks on them but he doesn’t have time for that now. His thoughts are in shambles—jumping from abstract memory onto the next until he can’t follow its trail anymore. He can’t help but think about Taehyun—he’s not so sure now if he made the correct choice of cutting all ties with him.

Frustrated with himself, he sits up and turns on the bedside lamp. It produces a warm yellow light that should give his small space a homey feel—it didn’t. Instead, he wishes he’s back in Ansan, with his staffs already asleep because they have a long day ahead. And he’s probably sketching some more or checking contracts or answering inquiries because he likes working in the quiet of the night.

He takes his phone and dials Namjoon’s number, remembering that the guy told him he can call anytime and he will always answer. He did answer on the seventh ring and his voice is scratchy like someone who just got out of bed.

“Beomgyu-sshi?” He asks, “What’s the problem?”

A voice from home makes him suddenly tear up and he bursts out crying. Other people would have panicked, but Namjoon is used to these episodes so instead, he takes a soft, calming breath, “It’s one of your episodes?”

He shakes his head before he remembers he’s not in the man’s office, “No… It’s about Kang Taehyun.” And then he relates what Yeonjun told him and poured out his feelings in one long, continuous rant. At the end of it, he’s already breathless as if he ran a marathon and the guy on the other line, so used to being Beomgyu’s emotional dump, sighs, “Beomgyu-sshi…”

“I’m sorry. I just…” Beomgyu knows this is him panicking and only the soothing voice of Namjoon is keeping him from having a full-blown panic attack. “I mean… it’s not wrong that I put some space between us, right? It was the correct decision, right?” He’s sounding more and more desperate in every word but he’s trying to clasp on this idea that he did the right thing after all and hearing no response on the other line is getting him a bit antsy.

“Yes.” Namjoon finally says and he can hear the smile in his voice, “I will never fault you for choosing to fix yourself first.”

Beomgyu closes his eyes, breathing in deeply. _Of course._ He knows that already. Even if he knew about what Taehyun did for him, even then… it still would be best to stay apart.

“You still like him…” It wasn’t a question but Beomgyu finds himself breathing out a response nonetheless.

“I do…” The words are spoken so softly it’s almost a whisper. Because it hurts to admit how after two years of radio silence, his feelings seemed to have gotten stronger. _How is that possible?_ He doesn’t even remember how his voice sounds like now on the phone. And the only reminder of his face is the ones he sees in billboards and the television. _And yet…_

“Then just reconnect with him.”

He snorts finding the idea ridiculous, “I wish it’ll just be that simple.”

Namjoon says, “It seems fate is always finding ways to bring you two closer together.”

“Is it acceptable for a professional doctor to say they believe in fate?”

“I’m not saying that as your therapist. I’m saying that as a friend rooting for you.” Namjoon laughs softly, “Anyway, it’s two here in the morning. Aren’t you supposed to be sleeping?”

Before the man scolds him more for not getting enough sleep, Beomgyu already said his goodbye. When they end the call, he feels a little bit lighter. Namjoon always had that effect on him and it’s addicting. Still, he thinks it’ll be pointless to try to sleep now so he decides to fix his things he will use for his class which will start in a few hours. As he’s fixing his papers, he sees an enveloped tucked in one of his books and realizes he hasn’t even checked the contents of his sponsor’s welcome gift. He got too busy with settling down and the tour and other things, he completely forgot about it. It’s probably just money—he thinks as he opens it up.

It is money—thankfully not such a huge amount to make him feel bad. He takes it out and was about to throw the envelope into the trash bin when something drops from the envelope. When he picks it up, it’s a business black business card with an address and a contact number to a person named _Kim Sojung._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont have much college work to do nowadays, so im updating this frequently. the second last chapter of this fanfic. comments and kudos are appreciated!


	16. Once Upon A Time In Korea Pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter. Will beomgyu run away again or they'll finally be reunited with each other forever?

“I really don’t get why you’re doing this.” Yeji is twirling the straw of her extremely sweet Frappuccino around her fingers as she gives him a petulant scowl. It’s a habit she also does with her paintbrushes-- something she picked up from Beomgyu.

Beomgyu gives her a tired smile as he wipes the counter off with a damp cloth and hands her some napkins, “I just really don’t like to rely on anyone.”

“We all have sponsors.” She says, “It is part of the program.”

“Well, I just like to earn my own money.”

“What will you do to the money your sponsor gives you?”

Beomgyu shrugs, “Save it for an emergency? Donate it eventually? I haven’t decided yet, really.”

Yeji shakes her head in disbelief, “I really don’t get you sometimes.”

It’s been almost four months now since his arrival in Seoul. Luckily, Beomgyu is so used to moving a lot that settling down to a new place probably takes less effort for him than it would a normal person. However, this does not change the fact that Yeonjun and Kim Yewon weren’t exaggerating when they said that the program was gruelling. Between that and special classes, he’s almost always exhausted. It took a lot of adjustments but slowly, he got used to the schedule and had eventually built up a routine.

That’s when he decided to fulfil his promise to himself of finding a part-time job and stop totally relying on his sponsors. He can’t totally refuse it because apparently, his sponsor already gave the university the allowance for the entire duration of the program so he just saved it for later use.

He found his part-time job at a small coffee shop near the university. It’s a quaint cafe called Artist Circle, that combines contemporary art and music with coffee. Students seem to love it, and part of it might be because of the owner, Kim Sangwon, an old, sweet woman who reminds him so much of Jeon Suyeon. Her pastries, especially the red velvet brownies, are their café’s highlight food.

Yeji pouts, “But we don’t get to hang around that much.” And then her eyes brighten up and Beomgyu has known her well enough to know it’s the look of mischief, “Why don’t we just use it to buy beer?”

Beomgyu chuckles, “Don’t be like that.” He shakes his head as she exaggerates her pout, “You’re so stingy.”

Beomgyu doesn’t respond because another customer has entered and Yeji moves to the side of the counter so he can take the man’s order. He prepares his Americano as Yeji is whining about how less they see each other now even though she and Yeonjun uses Art Circle as their rendezvous in their countless dates. At least his part-time job keeps him from constantly third-wheeling. When he gives the man his order, he tells the whiny girl that they’ll be able to hang out next weekend during the annual summer art festival.

Yeji beams at him when she remembers, “Oh yes! The art festival! I heard your bull will be part of the art auction.”

Beomgyu reflects her smile—it’s one of his proudest moments. For someone who doesn’t know anything about metalworks, he had gained some interest in melting and moulding metal into sculptures. One of his projects was chosen to be sold off at the annual auction dinner. It’s a twelve by twelve figure of a bull with its two front legs raised, gearing for an attack, its back coiling with powerful muscles.

It’s not something grand—it will just be done in one of the hundreds of rooms in their college and will just be attended by some professors and a few outsiders but still… for someone with confidence as small as a teaspoon, it’s kind of a big thing for him. Of course, it doesn’t mean that he will not doubt himself.

“I just hope someone buys it.” He mutters under his breath and it makes Yeji roll her eyes at him in disbelief, “Why don’t you even have a little faith in yourself?”

He’s not the very least surprised. Next to Yeonjun, Yeji had always been very vocal in her admiration of Beomgyu’s artistry. And she’s also incredibly good at convincing him he should be, too. As if to prove that, Yeji reaches out from the other side of the counter and grabs him by the shoulders, rocking him furiously as if that will shake off all his insecurities, “Beomgyu-sshi. When will you understand that you are a super talented artist? You were born to be an artist. In fact, you are the second most talented artist I personally know.”

She says this in a firm, confident voice, her typically playful eyes filled with all seriousness she could muster. It’s amazing because it almost makes him want to believe her. _Maybe he should._

Yeji, he learned is an honest, straightforward woman. Beomgyu wants to say thank you but he notices something from her statement and raises a questioning brow instead, “Second? Because Yeonjun’s the first?”

She blinks at him, and then answers flatly, “No. I am.”

They burst out laughing. Beomgyu can’t help but envy the level of confidence this woman has and he can’t help but think if he would have been like that if he didn’t experience all those things. He can hear Namjoon’s voice again in his head, _You can’t be a victim forever. Don’t let your past define your present or your future._ His words ring loud and clear to him most of the time now, he can probably already put up motivational posters with them.

Yeji left soon after, telling him she has some important things to still do, but not before making him swear to go out for drinks after the auction next Saturday which he reluctantly agreed to. He had plans on Saturday night which is to catch up with sleep which he is so deprived of, but she just won’t take no for an answer. He waves her goodbye as she walks out of the cafe.

Yeonjun manages to walk in just when he’s already finishing his shift and turning over the register to, Hwang Hyunjin. He’s a student from the music department. He’s a pretty popular barista in Artist Circle for his looks. Because apart from being good in playing the guitar he also has an incredibly deep voice. The first time he heard the guy sing was in one of the guy’s classes held beside his painting class. He didn’t even know it was him until he checked to look. His voice has that alluring, raspy sound that he’s sure girls go crazy for. Beomgyu heard that he’s pretty popular with girls in his college and who could blame them? He has a slightly taller build than Beomgyu and has that rugged good looks  
with his unkempt blonde hair he usually wears in a ponytail. He’s like the perfect example of a struggling musician, minus the struggling part.

Beomgyu gestures for Yeonjun to wait and the guy nods before he goes at the back to change out of his uniform. When he comes back up front, Yeonjun and Hyunjin are having a staring contest. He frowns at Yeonjun who notices his presence and nods, “Hey.” He grabs a cup of freshly brewed coffee from Hyunjin who tells him to have fun, although his face looks stiff.

“Want to grab some dinner?” Yeonjun asks and he beams at him, “As long as you’re paying.” Yeonjun shakes his head but shrugs.

The invitation takes them to the busy Gwanjang market where stalls upon stalls and booths of Korean street food are abundantly in display. The little flaglets decorating the ceiling as well as the colourful food makes the entire place look festive.

Choosing where to eat for dinner is easy for two broke university students. They sit on one of the empty tables a little farther away from most of the stores and the rest of the crowd. The experience leaves them feeling nostalgic even though Korean street food is very different from the ones they have at home.

So, in between mouthfuls of fish cake and spicy tteokbokki, washed down by peach-flavoured soju, they can’t help but think about home. It’s probably a bond that the two of them will always share and something that Yeji can never relate to. Why? Korea is her home. They rarely talk about it now--the idea brings forth fond memories and a longing to come home.

“How are you settling down to your new life?” Yeonjun asks finishing off an octopus skewer. Beomgyu can’t help but laugh at the way he tries to manoeuvre and untangle the cooked tentacles with his mouth. Yeonjun glares at him in a warning. He stops laughing and finishes his glass before refilling it again, “Exhausting. But you know I’m used to that kind of rigorous schedule.”

Yeonjun sighs then nods. Working with Beomgyu for many years now and he has known how workaholic he is, “I know. That’s what I’m worried about.”

Beomgyu is halfway through his third fishcake when he blinks at Yeonjun. He has an idea what Yeonjun is about to say but he still asks, “Then what is it about?”

Yeonjun shakes his head, knowing full well what Beomgyu is doing and knowing it isn’t like Beomgyu to beat around the bush, but here they are, “We’re already busy as it is with our classes and you with your special class… and your part-time job is taking lots of precious time when you should just be resting— “

“Are you going to tell me to quit?” Beomgyu cuts him off before he could even continue “Because you know I won’t.”

Yeonjun isn’t deterred. He just gives a resigned sigh and tells him, “Yeah, I figured. I won’t tell you to quit. I’m just telling you to take better care of yourself.” Yeonjun sighs before grabbing his wrist in just one hand and swings his limp arm as if to prove a point, “You’ve gotten thinner. Have you been sleeping properly?”

Beomgyu knows the question is two-pronged. It means-- _have you been getting enough sleep and are you still having those nightmares?_

Yeonjun doesn’t force him to answer when he pulls his hand away and grabs his glass again to drink. He gets four hours of sleep every night but thankfully, because of his exhaustion--he doesn’t dream anymore. Although he does, occasionally wake up in a cold sweat because he feels someone is with him inside the room--a man in a monochromatic suit and oxblood tie; but when he turns on the light, there really is nothing there.

“I’m fine, hyung.” He says in a rough voice, the alcohol burning his throat. He’s on his fourth bottle now and he can already feel his skin tingling with the alcohol. Since going to Seoul, he had grown his alcohol tolerance significantly. What would use to already put him out of commission, would just give him a pretty bad hangover the next day. Still, he watches how much he drinks now because he doesn’t want to spend his only rest day (or morning, considering he still has the shift in the afternoon tomorrow) stuck in bed nursing a hangover.

Yeonjun takes a shot before he says in a precariously low voice, “By the way, that kid Hyunjin, he totally has a thing for you.”

“What?!” Beomgyu chuckles, “Hyunjin? The boy in Artist Circle?”

“Yeah,” Yeonjun nods raising his glass to him, “He totally has.”

Beomgyu snorts, “We don’t even talk outside of Artist Circle. And besides, he’s not a kid.”

Yeonjun shrugs, putting back his glass and shakes his head, “Too bad for him, you’re too helplessly in love with that other kid.” He even chuckles, “Speaking of which, have you somehow made a re-connection with Taehyun ever since that time you accidentally met him at the airport?”

He almost chokes on his drink, eyes immediately flying open when he turns to Yeonjun who’s leering at him, “Where did that even come from?” He demands and punches Yeonjun’s arm when the guy just chuckles, obviously just teasing him.

Ever since he had admitted his feelings and mistakenly mentioned it to Yeonjun on one of their drinking nights, he had been constantly teasing him about it. That and the fact that he can’t hold his liquor nor his tongue. It’s juvenile and they’re really too old for the teasing but it always never fails to fluster him. The only small relief is that Yeonjun hasn’t told Yeji about it.

“Well, I’m just wondering if you still have that huge crush on him.” Yeonjun says, fully knowing that crush is such a shallow way to describe what Beomgyu is feeling but he’s also obviously doing that to rile him up. Beomgyu doesn’t take the bait. His refusal to answer makes Yeonjun continue, “Yeji is telling me he’ll do a VLive tonight to promote his upcoming series.”

It’s now Beomgyu’s time to chuckle when he realizes what had actually happened when Yeji told him she has something important to do tonight. At first, he thought it had something to do with the art festival, because she’s part of the committee of organizers but now, it all makes sense, “Oh so that’s why you’re here with me and not your girlfriend? Because you’ve been ditched for Kang Taehyun?”

Yeonjun stares blankly at him and shrugs, “Seems to be a pattern.”

It takes a while before he understood what Yeonjun meant and when he did, he shoved the man-not so gently making him tip slightly from his chair and crash on the next table. The woman and man give them the stink eye but they’re too drunk to care, “Hey! That’s low.” Of course, it’s been a long time since Yeonjun’s drunken confession and they have already moved past that and remained good friends but they never really ever talked about how Beomgyu rejected Yeonjun for Taehyun. He didn’t bring it up back because it was a touchy subject. He didn’t want to bring it up now because it’s inappropriate. Looking back, it’s really just probably because he and Yeonjun are content with where they are now. Yeonjun just chuckles good-naturally, but even he dropped the topic right away. It seems like a lifetime ago, anyway.

“Well, have you figured out a way to talk to him or at least tried to contact him?” Yeonjun goes back to his original topic which doesn’t really make him any less uncomfortable, “You know we can probably get Jeongguk hyung to give us his number.” Yeonjun offers.

Beomgyu shakes his head and stops because it’s making his head spin, “I don’t think I should.”

It’s true. If this was him two years ago, he would have picked up his phone and dialled his number right away. The time he spent alone, rebuilding his life has definitely helped him regain his confidence. But like what Namjoon said—the world wouldn’t wait on him. Taehyun wouldn’t wait around for him. He’d definitely moved on now and even if Beomgyu finds a way to tell him how he feels, it’s very unlikely that Taehyun feels the same way he did two years ago. Love is really all about proper timing. There’s really just no use meeting the right person at a wrong point in your life. Seeing the downtrodden look on his face, Yeonjun finally decides to drop it and starts talking about school.

They discuss their classes, favourite professors, annoying classmates and their upcoming projects. Yeonjun congratulated him on the bull and assures him that someone will definitely buy it, and if nobody bids on it, he definitely will. That lightens up their mood as they end the night. They finish at least eight bottles of soju between them but it could be more because they stopped counting at eight but somehow, their glasses are always being refilled. They’re swaying slightly and laughing hysterically at almost anything that gets their attention. They’re walking side by side, bumping into each other as if the motion will catapult them into steadiness. The wind is chilly but the alcohol in their system kept them warm.

When they reach the door, they hold their tongues to stop themselves from creating too much noise. At the elevator, Yeonjun turns to him dangerously fast eyes wide and excited, as if he just thought of something really brilliant, “You know, you could probably still watch it.”

“Huh?”

“The live. I think it’ll run for two hours. You still have…” Yeonjun raises his hand and blinks a couple of times trying to read the time, “Twenty-five minutes?”

Beomgyu laughs again—his stomach is already aching from all the laughing they did that night but he still finds the suggestion irrefutably funny. “Why would I do that?” It’s ridiculous. Sure, he likes Taehyun. But not as a fan. Or is he? _Isn’t he just a fan to him now?_

“Just to see him!” Yeonjun snaps as if he’s stupid, “You can’t always rely on fate to bring you two together! Besides, what harm will it do?”

He opens his mouth to tell him—he obviously didn’t pine hard enough on someone to understand the harm it will do—when he stops because of course, Yeonjun had pined on him for a long time and this must be how it felt like. He looks back at Yeonjun when—

_PING!_

The elevator reaches the fourth floor and Yeonjun steps out with an “I’m just saying.” Before he bounds off to his own dorm.

—

_Again, for those just tuning in, you can send in your questions and greetings to our lovely guests Seo Ye-ji and Taehyun!_

A mechanical voice welcomes him the moment he opens the VLive broadcast. Beomgyu feels stupid for a lot of things—for one, for not just asking Yeji the link to this so he had to spend at least five minutes searching for it; and also because he actually searched for it. He hates Yeonjun for telling him about this but hates himself more for actually following through with his stupid suggestion. But now, he is curled up in his bed, already in his sleeping clothes which is just some baggy shirt and sweatpants, holding up his phone to his face so he can see the broadcast clearly.

It’s probably not a new concept—but he’s been out of VLive for quite a long time now that it all seems new to him. After the initial welcome, a banner appears at the bottom bearing the message to send in their messages to a chat box that also appears at the side of his screen. It’s not a typical talk show… for one, there is no obvious host in the frame, instead the guests are holding their phones to read out questions directly from fans and actually answer them. It is also quite obvious that there is no high production set in the studio; in fact, you cannot really see an actual set and only glimpses of the white panelled wall behind that make up the background, because the camera is a tight shot of their upper bodies only.

Whatever the set lacks, however… the celebrity guests make up for. Even with the bad lighting and awful camera angle, Seo Ye-ji who’s wearing a baby pink dress with white lace sleeves; short caramel brown hair styled in soft curls above her shoulders, looks youthful. She is all smiles at the camera—cute, bubbly and definitely giving off a completely opposite aura compared to the guy sitting stiffly beside her.

Taehyun really has to thank his good genes and his stylists because, despite the perpetual scowl on his face, he is still stunning. His hair is made to look like he just got out of bed and he just ran his fingers through them kind of style. To complement his new hair color, he’s wearing a hint of copper-colored eye shadow and a slightly neutral-colored lip tint. His eyes are also lined to make them look even fiercer, as if he needed more help to appear colder and more unapproachable. Despite the elaborate make-up, he is styled simply. Just a dark grey undershirt and a brown leather cattleman jacket.

Compared to Seo Ye-ji who is eagerly reading out fan’s comments and questions found in the very active chat box, Taehyun is just scrolling through them looking like he’s trying not to get bored at the repetitive questions. You can literally divide the screen in half and you have two different interviews. Beomgyu holds in a laugh when Seo Ye-ji reads a question about what is the shade of the lipstick Taehyun is wearing.

“How should I know? Ask my makeup artist,” He says, eyes going slightly wide before he follows it up with a cheeky grin to soften the harshness of his answer. Seo Ye-ji gives an awkward giggle then pouts, “Why don’t people ask the shade I’m wearing?!” It’s amazing how she breaks the tension instantly before she moves on to the next question.

Checking the chat box, Beomgyu doesn’t see any negative reaction to Taehyun’s response…some even found it endearing. It’s almost impressive how he had established that personality and fans embraced it wholeheartedly.

He considers keying in his own question… _but what will he say?_

Another question for Taehyun pops up and Seo Ye-ji reads it, again. “Are you planning to be in a relationship right now?” She’s not even finished reading when Taehyun straight-up answers, “No.” This makes Seo Ye-ji laugh awkwardly and Beomgyu immediately realizes that it’s supposed to be a question that they need to somehow act on. They are promoting a romance series after all and teasing the fans would have been the direction but Taehyun shot down the possibility right away with his straightforward answer, without even looking at the camera.

He continues scrolling on his phone and Beomgyu wonders what would Taehyun do if he knows he’s watching him. The chat box is scrolling fast enough, filled with messages and questions from fans. They are not all questions though, some are just emoticons expressing their love and excitement. He gets an idea, if he sneaks in a message, will Taehyun notice? He hates to admit it but there’s a certain eagerness in him that wants to do it.

You can’t always rely on fate to bring you two together. Yeonjun’s voice is in his head and he thinks about how the guy used to be in his place—only the two of them had a friendship that he risked losing. _What has he to lose anyway?_ The worst thing that could happen is Taehyun sees and ignores it but he could always pretend that it’s because he didn’t see it.

Probably his drunk self, did it—alcohol could really give him liquid courage or probably he just got tired waiting for fate to intervene again, maybe it’s a combination of both. He types in the single word that he could think of, **“Be a little nicer”**. He sends it without even second-guessing himself and as expected it gets drowned immediately with the flood of messages from the other fans. He sighs, knowing Taehyun probably missed it until he noticed the man who’s in the middle of answering another fan question, suddenly stop.

He looks at the camera, face slightly flustered before he recovers and the poker face is back. But Seo Ye-ji notices this and she asks if he’s okay because he looks like he had seen a ghost.

Taehyun just nods.

Beomgyu is watching him intently now, the drumming of his heart deafening, his dorm suddenly a little too hot. The guy’s entire demeanour has changed for the last part of the program… when he looked bored before, right now, he looked like he just wanted the broadcast to end.

Beomgyu is not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. He also doesn’t know if it’s because of what he did. All he knows is that he is finding it harder and harder to focus and breathe. A couple more minutes of this awkward interaction, and the broadcast eventually ends with Beomgyu falling asleep holding his phone close to his chest.

\---

He woke up at the ceaseless ringing of his phone and the pounding pain of his head, with a vague recollection of what he did last night. Before he could answer the phone, though, the call already went to voicemail. 

Looking around at his bedside table, the first thing he sees is the time on his clock: _It’s already four o’ clock!_ He jumps straight up from bed, regretting the action almost immediately when a sharp pain hits his head and he had to bury his face onto both hands to steady himself. _He slept through the entire day!_ No wonder he feels like shit.

He considers calling in sick for work but knows it’s very irresponsible and very inconsiderate for him especially since it’s such a short notice and missing his shift would mean forcing some other person to take it. He knows this especially because when he checked his phone, there were a few missed calls from an unknown number and a message asking, _where are you?_ From the same number. Guilt gnaws on his insides, knowing it must be the student whose shift is about to end and is just waiting for him to arrive so he could leave already leave.

_~ I just woke up. Sorry, I had a rough night. I’ll probably be at Artist Circle in fifteen minutes._

His shift started thirty minutes ago and he quickly does what he needs to do to look like half a decent human being—showering and getting dressed in his uniform, meanwhile cursing himself at his irresponsibility and swearing to never drink again, knowing at the same time that this is probably untrue. He stops to eat an apple to appease his growling stomach and pop in some painkiller for his headache, before he leaves for work.

When he arrives, already forty minutes late, he feels extra bad because Hyunjin is the student who had to cover for his lateness and there’s an actual line of people in waiting for their coffee. “I’m sorry, Hyunjin-sshi.” He says slipping inside the bar, washing his hands at the sink, ready to start preparing for the order of the woman by the counter. The guy, despite his gruff appearance, has this kind of boyish charm that Beomgyu finds appealing. It must be the way he smiles.

“It’s fine, Beomgyu-sshi. I have nowhere to go anyway tonight.” Hyunjin says before Beomgyu picks up the cup and prepares the caramel macchiato. He is quick on his feet and his hands are meticulous so he finishes the drink in no time, calls out the name on the cup and hands it to a woman with a practiced smile.

“I thought you were in a hurry since you were already calling me.” Beomgyu says picking up and reading the order of the next customer on the cup at the counter, like a well-rehearsed dance. He and Hyunjin usually share overlapping schedules so they have already learned to move in sync, Hyunjin manning the register, Beomgyu at the bar. They rarely bump into each other and are very efficient.

“But I wasn’t calling you.” Hyunjin says flatly as Beomgyu pours the milk into the plastic cup before dumping ice onto it, “Huh? But you asked me where I was so I figured…” He puts the lid on the cup and calls the name of the customer again before he looks over at Hyunjin who shakes his head, “It was a bit busy here since this afternoon and I don’t really have time to hog your phone.” He grins, his smile makes his eyes disappear into tiny slits, “Besides, I don’t have your number.”

Beomgyu tries to recall if they did exchange numbers. It’s been a while since the two of them worked together and he felt a bit embarrassed to think that he was right. The two of them never exchanged numbers because they didn’t really see the need for it. _That begs the question…_

“It would be better if you give me your number, then.” Hyunjin says, a soft kind of smile playing on his lips as he hands him the cup for the next customer, making sure that his fingers linger on Beomgyu’s. If he knew any better, he would think that he is flirting with him. He thinks of what Yeonjun told him about the guy, and wonders if it holds even a little bit of truth in them. He shrugs and tells him, “Sure. Remind me before you leave.”

He looks down at the cup and rolls his eyes at the elaborate custom iced americano order written on the side, leaving no room for the name of the customer—coconut milk, extra ice, no water, quad ristretto shots and one pump of hazelnut. He follows this to the dot even if it’s a bit more tedious, making sure his measurements are perfect. Thankfully, there’s only one more customer that Hyunjin took care of and now both of them are working behind the bar, still in perfect sync.

He finishes the cup and reads out the order, hoping the customer is there to listen because he doesn’t have a name. He hasn’t even finished when someone grabs the cup from him, fingers enveloping his hand. A surge of electricity runs through those fingers as they touch making his heart rate pick up. His head quickly whips up to see the last person he’s expecting to see.

He’s dressed casually—grey hoodie and black cargo pants, you might even mistake him for a regular university student out for coffee, if you don’t look close enough. A black bucket hat is covering half his face, no face mask this time, but somehow this look is the most inconspicuous of all his disguises, maybe because he doesn’t look like he’s trying to hide. At a certain angle, Beomgyu can definitely see those piercing eyes underneath the lid of his hat directed at him. His mouth is pressed into a thin line, jaw clenched like he’s suppressing anger or something else.

_Why is he here_? The question forms in Beomgyu’s head even before he lets the cup go. _Am I just still drunk?_

Because Taehyun is there, taking the cup wordlessly before walking towards the farthest booth, the one nearest the lavatory that nobody ever chooses because it’s such a very inconvenient location. Beomgyu watches him and when he takes a seat and looks out the window. From where he’s standing, he can’t help but admire his side profile—the strong jaw and eloquent nose, the pursed lips void of any makeup.

“You know him?” Hyunjin sidles up to him when he notices Beomgyu ogling at the man. Beomgyu doesn’t know what to say. What is he doing here? It’s very unlike him to just happen to pass by? Does he have a shooting here? A fan meet? Anything to make sense of his presence apart from dropping by to see him because that would be impossible.

Beomgyu tries to recall from his drunken vague memories if there are any indications that would have instigated this event last night, but can’t find any. He remembers watching his VLive, he remembers wanting to send a comment… which he didn’t… did he? He feels his face heat up when he recalls what he just did. _Oh, he totally did!_

“Beomgyu-sshi, are you okay?” Hyunjin has placed a hand on his forehead and he jerks his hand away, startling the two of them. He doesn’t know why but he thinks he saw Taehyun stiffen when the guy touched him. However, when he turns to look, Taehyun is still staring outside the window, totally oblivious of what just happened.

“S-Sorry… I just drank last night and I’m still a bit out of it today” he stammers an apology to Hyunjin who shakes his head understandingly. “It’s fine. But I have to go ahead now, unless you want me to stay for a while to help out.” Beomgyu thinks about the tempting offer but eventually shakes his head, “No, I can handle it from here.”

Hyunjin gives him a worried look before he nods and goes at the back to change out of his uniform. Beomgyu distracts himself with counting the money on the register and recording it. Every now and then, he would feel Taehyun looking at him but when he glances up, the man is either looking out the window or sipping his shockingly elaborate coffee or just browsing his phone.

When Hyunjin comes back up at the front, he gives Beomgyu a bright smile before he pulls out his phone from his pocket and hands it to him. “Your number,” he says.

“Ah, right.” Beomgyu takes the phone and keys in his number. Goosebumps run across his back and when he turns around, he can see Taehyun actually staring at him… or more correctly, in his general direction, although he could also just be imagining it. Hyunjin calls his phone and the guy is right… his number is different from the unknown number who called him. He saves his number as well, before Hyunjin tells him, “Let’s go out to dinner some time, yeah?”

There’s a reckoning tone in the guy’s voice and that’s probably the reason why he said, “Y-Yeah sure.” His eyes linger as the boy leaves with a wave and almost automatically, he turns back to Taehyun who is still staring at him with an unreadable expression. He turns away like he’d been electrocuted which is honestly not that far from the truth.

Having Taehyun in close proximity is already hard so he distracts himself by manning the register again, taking and preparing the order of the next batch of customers because unlike other Saturday nights, this one is incredibly hectic—with the line of people never easing up. He’s already serving probably his thirteenth customer since he arrived when he looked up and noticed that Taehyun is no longer in the corner booth.

\---

“He probably got your number from Jeongguk hyung.” Yeonjun says, fixing the tie on his grey suit. Beomgyu turns to him, adjusting the cuff links Yeji forced him to wear, along with the rest of the navy blue suit and pinstriped pants she had him rent. He feels uncomfortable already especially with the leather boots that go along with the outfit.

He doesn’t understand what the fuzz is with this dinner auction especially since it’s not really a black-tie event but she insisted that they at least, dress nicely for the night. And because Yeonjun loves her and because Beomgyu likes her enough, they let her style the two of them, like her two little art projects—fixing their hair, even putting a bit of makeup on their faces, much to Yeonjun’s chagrin.

That was an hour ago and now they’re waiting for her at the dorm’s lobby as she went back to her dorm to prepare herself. Some of the students are already giving them weird looks confirming their fear that they’re definitely overdressed… but not one of them dared destroy Yeji’s hard work.

It’s been a week since his encounter with Taehyun—a part of him wonders if that’s all that would make up his relationship with the guy—random, inexplicable encounters here and there until one of them eventually finds enough courage to actually say something or do something or maybe, just get tired of the chase and eventually leave each other alone.

This is the first time he had mentioned it to Yeonjun simply because they haven’t seen each other the entire week, what with the art festival and Yeji dragging Yeonjun everywhere to help out with its organization. He refused to randomly message him this piece of news as well, feeling that topics like this should be discussed in person.

Yeonjun shrugs, checking his watch, “Well, did he tell you anything?” 

Yeonjun looks good in a maroon blazer and dark pants. His black patented leather shoes give him an aura of sophistication. Compared to him, Beomgyu looks pretty basic and he revels in it. He shakes his head, “No. Just sort of sat there and stared at me... for a while, at least and then left without saying goodbye.” He sighs, the exasperation evident in his voice. He wished Taehyun had said something… it didn’t even matter if the guy got mad at him, demanded what he is doing in Seoul or why he sent a message in that VLive. But the man just sat there, said nothing to explain his presence nor the unreadable expression on his face.

Beomgyu’s almost willing to bet he’d just imagined the entire ordeal, except when he asked Hyunjin about it the next day, the boy willingly confirmed it. Speaking of Hyunjin… The boy actually meant it when he said he’d want to invite Beomgyu to dinner and had been incessantly asking him about this the entire week. Beomgyu almost regretted being too distracted by Taehyun’s presence that he actually said yes.

He didn’t even know Hyunjin was serious about it, but when he realized he is, he decided to just invite him to the art festival. At least in this sense, it’s going to be four of them and hopefully… it won’t look much of a date but more of just four friends hanging out together. Just when he’s thinking about this and wondering where the hell he is, a guy enters the dorm, looking like a freaking celebrity.

Hyunjin struts in a royal blue suit, a shade lighter than what Beomgyu is wearing. The man’s dark hair is brushed up, showing off his perfectly chiselled face which is void of any facial hair. Beomgyu’s jaw drops when he sees him, unable to believe that this is the same boy in Artist Circle.

He’s not sure who gave out the memo but compared to the guy, both he and Yeonjun looks terribly underdressed.

People around them are starting to whisper, probably thinking a celebrity walked in. He couldn’t blame them. Yeonjun gives a bitter chuckle, “Well, at least he cleans up good.”

Beomgyu elbows Yeonjun who steps aside to dodge him, “Shut up.” He hisses making the other guy laugh.

“Beomgyu-sshi!” Hyunjin is smiling when he walks up to Beomgyu. The blue bowtie is crooked and the OC side of Beomgyu can’t help but reach out and fix this, making the boy blush. The moment that he sees the pink on his cheeks, Beomgyu pulls his hands away, careful not to give the guy the wrong idea, “You look nice.” He says and Hyunjin beams at him more.

“I’m not late, am I?” Hyunjin asks.

“No. We’re still waiting for Yeji.” He says and as if right on cue, the girl walks in the lobby, wearing a frilly red cocktail dress and pumps in the same shade. Her curly hair falls like waves on her shoulders and frames her perfectly made-up face. Yeonjun is just staring at her, mouth agape and Beomgyu had to tap him on the shoulder to bring him back to reality.

“You look so beautiful, Yeji-sshi.” Beomgyu says. She blushes like a teenage girl but the look is gone when she turns to glare at Yeonjun who’s still starstruck by her, “What? You have nothing to say?”

“I think I just fell in love all over again.” Yeonjun blurts out mindlessly making the girl flush and Beomgyu laugh, “Get a room, you two.”

Yeji laughs with him and shakes her head, hooking her arm on Yeonjun’s and giving him a kiss on the cheek, “I clean up quite well, don’t I?” She’s not really expecting a response before she turns to Hyunjin, “Hey! I think I’ve seen you before!” She says putting a finger on her chin as if in careful consideration.

“Hwang Hyunjin,” Beomgyu supplies, “He’s my co-worker at Artist Circle.” Yeji snaps her fingers giddily, “Right! You’re the cute guy there! Wow you look so handsome in a suit.”

There’s just something with receiving a very candid complement from Yeji that flusters Hyunjin who stutters on a thanks, you look good, too. 

It’s only a short walk to the auction dinner and the four of them makes it in twenty minutes—would have been a lot shorter if they didn’t get distracted by the rows of exhibits and food stalls along the way. Still, they make it in time to the opening ceremony when the VIPs are being introduced.

Because they are a bit late, they sit near the left side of the auditorium. The stage is dressed simply, a podium, bearing the school logo is on the side, the red curtains pulled open to reveal a screen projecting a live feed of the show for those near the back and couldn’t see the stage. The VIPs are sitting near the stage, holding placards with numbers for the auction which will start in a while.

They are still being introduced, professors, politicians and company CEOs who looked like they should be doing something more important with their time, judging from the practiced smile and wave they give the crowd. They come in all ages, some looking as young as he is while some looking old enough to be his grandfather.

Beomgyu is barely listening anymore with the long list of names because Hyunjin who’s beside him is telling him that it’s a good thing they dressed accordingly because people in the room are wearing more glamorous outfits than them. Yeji sitting to his right agrees when a familiar name is being called and the camera focuses on a woman who looks too young, “The last VIP is Ms. Kim Sojung who is here to represent a celebrity sponsor that most of you know.”

A buzz spreads like wildfire in the auditorium because apparently, Kim Sojung who is by the way his sponsor is famous for something he doesn’t know. Yeonjun says it even before the host did: What is Taehyun’s manager doing here?

Beomgyu’s head snaps to his right where the guy is sitting. _Kim Sojung is Taehyun’s manager?_ But, isn’t it Kim Taehyung’s job? “She’s Kang Taehyun’s manager.” The host announces and a booming cheer rises from the crowd. As if the guy is there.

Beomgyu feels the blood rush to his face, Kim Sojung is his sponsor and she’s just there to represent Taehyun which means…

He’s finding it hard to breathe and even with the air-conditioning in full blast, he can’t help but feel his body temperature rise as the panic begins to set in. What does this even mean? Did Taehyun deliberately choose to support him? _Did he not get in Seoul University on his own talents?_

The doubt in his heart is growing and he can feel the onslaught of a full-blown panic attack as the auction begins. If he doesn’t get out, he’d faint on the spot. He turns to his companions and tells them, “I need some air.” Yeonjun fixes him a hard look, “Are you okay?” He doesn’t know that Kim Sojung is Beomgyu’s sponsor… simply because he didn’t think it was important. Looking back, he should have said something to the guy.

“Yes.” He rasps out, breathing already shallow.

“Do you want me to go with you?” Hyunjin holds his hand but he yanks it away like he’d been burned because touching him, or anyone at all, feels wrong. Hyunjin looks shocked, then hurt and Beomgyu feels a little bit guilty but he has no time for that.

_It’s too late now._ He shakes his head and tells him he’ll be fine although he’s not sure how his feet nor his legs could carry him outside where the fresh night air is. But he does make it, even if he bumped onto some faceless, nameless people along the way.

He finds a small bench on a secluded area near the photography exhibit and curls in on himself. He refuses to cry, because what’s the use of tears now? He doesn’t even know how he feels about the truth. What emotions or thoughts are currently running through him? He’s not sure.

This trail of desperation leads him to one thing. His only anchor for the past two years when he’s struggling with all these nasty thoughts and emotions about himself. He pulls out his phone from his pocket and dials a familiar number. He answers on the third ring.

“It’s me.” He says.

“What happened?” Kim Namjoon’s voice is like an oasis when he answers the phone. Most of the time, he only needs to hear that voice for him to calm down. He fondly calls it _Joon Magic_ , and he wishes it would work on him now, but it doesn’t.

He squeezes his eyes shut so the tears won’t fall. Maybe if he refuses to cry, his heart won’t bleed right out, “Taehyun… he’s the one sponsoring me.”

He hears a gasp and that’s very telling because it’s something he never hears from the other guy. This person is a trained professional who talks about one’s darkest, deepest secrets so at this time, probably nothing surprises him. But this revelation does.

It takes a few moments for him to recover, “What do you feel about this?”

“Hurt?” He asks, more than says, “Angry? Betrayed?” He takes a deep breath to calm himself more, otherwise, he’d be in hysterics. “I thought… I was foolish enough to think, I got accepted because I was good… I thought I was, and then, this?” He gives a bitter laugh, “It’s all fake… I’m never good enough to stand on my own… And then this…”

“Beomgyu.” Namjoon cuts off his rambling with a firm voice. The only time he heard this one is when they were talking about his abuse and he was saying he deserved it. Namjoon gave him a firm shake, voice getting hard as he tells him _No. Abuse happens because of the abuser. Not the victim._

“Didn’t you get the scholarship first before the sponsorship?” Namjoon asks, “Didn’t you establish the agency on your own for almost two years when Yeonjun left and single-handedly trained your staffs to manage the agency you built?” There’s a sob on Namjoon’s voice and he had never heard the man make that sound before.

Beomgyu is left speechless, but he can already feel the tears rolling down his cheeks as he listens to Namjoon, “Listen, I’m telling this to you not just as your doctor, but as your friend.” He pauses, “You have got to stop thinking you are not worthy of all the good things that are happening to you.”

What does that even mean? He wants to ask but his mouth has gone dry and he can’t speak. He’s looking at the photography booth, with people crowding over it. He wonders if they could see him but even if they do, they don't pay him much attention.

“You’ve forgiven everyone else… all those people who wronged you, and you’ve moved past them.” Namjoon says, his tone calm and resolute, “So why do you think you still feel unworthy?”

The long silence means Namjoon is really waiting for an answer but he doesn’t know what to say, “I-I don’t know. I just…”

“Because you haven’t forgiven that one person who you should have forgiven a long time ago.”

Namjoon finishes and Beomgyu thinks hard about it, but doesn’t realize what he means, “Who?” He manages to ask.

_“You.”_ Namjoon’s voice is firm and suddenly Beomgyu is back in his office—with its earthy aroma, and brown leather couch comfortable enough to sit or lie down and talk about what’s going on in his head. Namjoon, is usually sitting on the seat across him, a steady expression and a welcoming smile, all he can think of is all those times they talked and he unconsciously blamed himself for every little pain and hurt that was inflicted on him.

What Ikeda-san said suddenly makes sense. His eyes look like someone burdening himself for all the things that happened to him. Because really, despite the drastic improvement in his life—he never really stopped to think he needs to prove something because deep inside, he hopes that with all those tiny, minuscule achievements he does, he can finally find his self-worth and be able to forgive himself for being weak.

And he hates it… hates how much he hates the thought of asking for help, asking for support because he thinks that building his life meant he had to build it alone, just like how he always does.

_Alone._ Maybe, that’s the reason why he pushes people who genuinely care about him, away. Because he thinks he’s not worthy… he hasn’t proven anything and all the help he gets is just a sign of them thinking he is weak. When all this time, all he should be thinking is…

_He is loved._

Loved, despite being broken. Despite his imperfections, his flaws… he is loved. And it doesn’t matter how much he pushes them away, they will always, always be there for him not because he needs to be rescued… but because they care.

“Beomgyu? Are you still there?”

“I…” He takes a steadying breath, trying to find his bearings, wiping the tears away, “I think I get it…”

There’s a sigh on the other line as Namjoon tells him, “I think you need to talk to him.”

\---

Taehyun’s plane has landed an hour ago but he hasn’t deplaned yet because there are no gates available yet. It’s been at least probably two hours now since the dinner auction has ended and he just received the sad news through a text message, that he lost Beomgyu’s bull to one extremely rich CEO because when Sojung tried to call him to ask if she could increase the bid to four million won, he was out of reach.

In his anger, he decided to turn off his phone and give it to Kim Taehyung who understood his foul mood right away as his way of saying he doesn’t want to be disturbed or talked to. He knows it’s a bit childish to obsess about that stupid auction, but for him… it’s really more than just that.

For the past two years, he focused on himself and his career, never letting anything or anyone disrupt his momentum or distract him from reaching his goals. He worked hard every single day until he feels exhausted enough to not think nor dream about anyone when goes down to sleep. It’s a form of torture that he chooses to do because working keeps his mind off things, working takes him somewhere.

It all worked in his favour. Two years and he’s now a household name in Korea and China both… and he’s happy.

_He’s happy._ Or so he thought… Because Jeongguk who he thinks is really a covert sadist, decides to tell him that Beomgyu got accepted to a scholarship in SNU and will be studying there for two years. How he knows this, he’s not sure, but knowing his brother… he probably never lost information on the guy. He did promise Taehyun he’d keep him safe. Jeongguk also tells him how he can plan to be the guy’s sponsor… which the program offers to help support their cost of living while in Korea. Taehyun has told him _it’s your money anyway so do what you like and moved on._

He’s a stubborn guy. He thinks it doesn’t matter. Seoul is a big place… he doesn’t have to worry about bumping into him any time soon… until he did. At the airport, probably on the guy’s first day. He was just back from a fan meet in Thailand when they met on opposite sides of the escalator... like a scene from the movie, he is going down to his car and Beomgyu is going up somewhere.

It’s even funny how he picks up that small, almost inaudible voice among hundreds of others calling his name. But he did. It’s amazing how your body is so attuned to someone you like, that even just their mere presence sets your heart yearning, your soul on fire. That day, he called Jeongguk and told him he’d sponsor Beomgyu… for many things, but mostly for his own selfish reason that that is probably the only direct connection he can create without him knowing.

In his own little way, he finds ways to treasure him more and it hurts… because he can only do so much. Hurts, even more, when he learned that Beomgyu stopped claiming his sponsorship from the admin office. He was informed that it’s because he got himself a part-time job and is already refusing to rely on someone else. He admires him for this, but at the same time, can’t help but feel desperate because Beomgyu decided to cut the only remaining connection they have.

And then the VLive happened… and it’s as if Beomgyu found a way to invite him again in his life. _Be a little nicer._ He had typed in and just like at the airport… his eyes quickly picked up the guy’s name and face in that small chat box on his phone. He didn’t know it’ll be that easy for him to hope once again that somehow, this time… things will be different. But he did.

Only for those hopes to be crushed to pieces when he found the guy flirting with a co-worker in the café he is working on. He grits his teeth and clenches his fist on top of his knees, remembering the way the guy touched Beomgyu and looked at him with those lingering eyes. He didn’t know he’s actually capable of feeling jealousy on someone he’s not even in a relationship with. Maybe it’s a bit naïve of him to leave without saying goodbye, but he got so angry that he couldn’t really say anything more.

He takes a deep breath to calm himself because Taehyung is looking weirdly at him now. He looks away and watches the glass moist from the cold. Winter is almost coming and he’s definitely not looking forward to shooting more scenes out in the cold mountains, but what choice does he have?

They finally got deplaned after another hour and because of the late hour, most of his fans waiting at the arrival area look dead tired. Still, they gave him flowers and asked for photos with him which he was generous enough to grant.

When he gets in the car to take him straight to his bungalow apartment in Gangnam, he’s already dead tired. He falls asleep instantly when his head hits the cosy leather seat of the car its engine rumbling softly like it’s rocking him to sleep.

He wakes up with Taehyung telling him they already arrived at his apartment and that he’s on her way to the hotel he’ll stay in before he leaves for her early flight to Beijing tomorrow. Sojung will take over from hereon, she says, but he must first get some sleep.

He’s still tired when he drags himself out of the car, white backpack in tow and walks the path to his home. The apartment he bought is a bigger version of his bachelor pad in Beijing—only this one is gated and has an actual garden he pays an exorbitant amount of money just to be maintained. Sojung says it’s good for his mental state, but he has this lingering suspicion that it’s only because she needs it for her mental state.

The outside of the house has a modern minimalist style with its white solid walls and dark grey accents. The house itself is medium-sized with three bedrooms and two bathrooms, a modern kitchen and a small swimming pool at the back. The basement garage is where he keeps his three prized possession—his motorbikes and of course, his toy collection.

He walks towards the walkway to the small door by the gate when he pauses at the figure currently slumped on his mailbox. He doesn’t even realize he has a mailbox. He frowns because his walkway is made up of grey polished gravel which isn’t a very comfortable material to lie down on. Well, technically, the figure isn’t lying down… but more of sitting and leaning on the pole holding up the mailbox.

He must be imagining this, he thinks, because his mind is currently muddled from exhaustion and lack of sleep so he continues walking until he sees the figure more clearly now and his world instantaneously stops. _What?_ He’s imagining this, isn’t he?

The man always had that unique beauty in him—dark hair framed his pale face; the thick mop of fringes falling slightly over his forehead looks like black ink sketched meticulously onto a blank canvas—each strand perfectly drawn and shaded. His dark eyes are wide and wet with tears as he stares at him.

“Beomgyu hyung?” Is the only word that leaves his mouth, because really, what can he even say? He’s not even sure if this is a dream or… no, it must be a dream. _It can’t be…_ "What are you doing here?"

Then Beomgyu is barrelling towards him, and his arms automatically open up to catch him when he falters on his steps. They kneel down on the pavement holding each other close… his heart racing, his head swimming. _Is this real? Is this even happening?_

“I… I w-was w-waiting for you… H-Hyunnie…” Beomgyu is shaking and he realizes that the guy’s body temperature is terribly low. He doesn’t even have time to feel the joy of hearing Beomgyu call him that again because he is already on his feet, helping Beomgyu up and into the house where it’s warmer.

He deposits the guy on his couch and goes to his bed, in search of some thick blankets. When he comes back, the guy is still shaking in cold and he notices with disdain how the man is not wearing proper clothes—a navy blue suit, really? Oh, the auction dinner. He must have come straight from there.

“Beomgyu hyung.” He calls as he wraps the blankets around him, he sits down next to him and touches his face which is also freezing. Beomgyu is smiling at him and he’s just too weak for that smile, “Your hands are warm.” Slowly, Beomgyu places his hands over Taehyun’s and closes his eyes. Taehyun is just staring at him, unsure of what is happening is real because this seems too good to be true.

At least Beomgyu has stopped shaking as his body heat begins to normalize, but then he’s sobbing for a different reason and Taehyun doesn’t know what to do because the guy is not letting his hands go, “Beomgyu hyung, what’s wrong? Are you still co—”

“I know about Kim Sojung.” Beomgyu nearly snaps at him, startling him. Taehyun immediately realizes his mistake and steps away from Beomgyu with a frantic, “I can explain” but the man raises his hand to stop him, “How many times do I have to tell you… you can’t hide secrets from me?”

Taehyun feels his world collapsing from underneath him. How is it possible that one moment, Beomgyu is running to his arms and spewing fire at him on the next, “You don’t understand.”

“I don’t understand?!” Beomgyu’s eyes widen incredulously, “Taehyun. How many more times will you make this same mistake of trying to impress me with your money and power and influence when all you could have done for these past two years… is call me.”

Wait… what?! _What?_ Beomgyu is giving him the sweetest smile which is terribly out of place with those eyes brimming with unshed tears, “I’m sorry, Hyunnie.” He says softly, “For running away. For pushing you away.”

“I… I don’t understand.”

“I’m sorry too, that it took so long for me to realize this...” He pauses then shakes his head, "Oh, but you have to understand this first."

"Understand what?"

"I'm a work in progress. I could be insecure and I have a tendency to self-destruct. I push people away, even those who care about me the most, especially them, but only because I'm afraid I'd hurt them or that they'd hurt me. I'm petty but really thick-headed most of the time... I don't trust myself as often as I should. And there will days when I would need you more than you would need me and it might be exhausting for you. There will be days when I would need you to like me a little more, love me more because I can't do that enough by myself."

"Why are you telling me this?" Taehyun asks adamantly.

"Because I need you to understand!" Beomgyu is yelling now, tears steady falling down, "I need you to understand this because..." He takes a deep breath to steady himself, “I like you.”

The words are said softly like a secret spell that if spoken a little louder, the magic would be revealed and would be rendered useless. But Taehyun heard it clearly. Heard it louder than the drumming on his chest, the storm wreaking havoc inside him. He heard it because suddenly, everything goes still and silent.

They stare at each other until Taehyun walks towards him, kneels down in front of him and raises his hands so he could hold Beomgyu’s face, his thumb rubbing a circle against his cold cheek, “Tell me again.” He loves how a pink flush rises and spreads color around Beomgyu's beautiful features. It's like setting something on pink, rose-coloured flame, “Tell me again, please.”

He repeats staring at Beomgyu’s embarrassed face, thinking, he could definitely get used to that view.

\---

“Tell me again, please.” Taehyun’s eyes pierced his soul as he asks the question again. And in those eyes, suddenly, all the muddled, storm of emotions inside him cleared up and he could see everything as bright as day. His head hurt, his heart hurt… but he wasn’t confused anymore. He was sure now. He was sure…

_I like him… I like him so much it hurts._

His heart sings the words and his entire body echoes the sentiment. He feels his heart beating wildly, his breath coming short no matter how much and how deep he tries to breathe in. Taehyun is still waiting on him to say it, but he’s too shy to tell him this now. So instead, he does something he doesn’t even know he’s capable of. He holds out Taehyun’s face with his freezing hands, watches him flinch from the cold but relaxes as Taehyun his hands immediately warms from the heat emanating from the guy. He holds his face and for a moment, they stay like that… not kissing but staring at each other’s eyes and Beomgyu thinks it is beautiful… this is beautiful. If only he could capture this moment, create a potion out of this magical feeling, pour it in a bottle and drink it whenever he feels unsure of himself because he knew… that this right here, is real.

Beomgyu closes his eyes, leaning into Taehyun’s lips… and when their lips touched, his world disintegrated into a thousand bursting pieces. All the nerves in his body left and focused on the place where they’re touching—he isn’t feeling anything else except the soft lips moving on his own, the warm hands already slipping past behind his neck pulling him closer. There's not the usual drowning feeling he feels when he kissed Taehyun... it's weird to explain because he feels himself burning, and yet there is also a calm inside him that makes him think of home.

When he feels Taehyun’s tongue licking on his lower lip, followed by the soft tug on his chin, he knows what he is asking for and he willingly gives it to him. He opens his mouth, tilts his face until Taehyun slots their mouths together, plunging his tongue deep, exploring and rubbing every little corner of his mouth. He tastes of peppermint and the underlying flavour of Taehyun he thought he will never be able to taste again, but here it is now, and he can never really get enough of this.

When their tongues collide against each other, once more, Taehyun sucked onto it as if it's his lifeline. He lets out a small moan before biting on the guy’s lips not so gently and he knew it must have hurt because Taehyun groaned against the kiss, but he wanted more… craved for more.

Their arms wound up around each other, grasping and feeling the ridges and curves of each other’s back, wanting to take purchase of more skin but they are wearing too many layers so they end up grasping the fabric instead.

_More cold. More heat._ More of the sweet amazing taste that was Taehyun. He wants more—more of him. He wants to deepen the kiss, but suddenly, Taehyun pulls away, and stares at him.

His eyes look different, darker and Beomgyu can’t help but shiver under their intensity, “Beomgyu hyung, we have to stop.” Taehyun says, in a pained voice, “Let’s take this slow or we'll regret it.”

Beomgyu doesn’t’ want to stop, but knows as well that if they don’t, they’d probably do something they’d regret later. So reluctantly, they pull away, but even so, they refused to let each other go so they stayed in each other’s arms, Taehyun pulling him closer into a more comfortable position in the couch until he is half lying on the man, his head against his chest, close enough to hear each the other’s heart thumping fast and loud. It’s rhythm breathing new life into them and they just know, that they should stop bringing up the past and whatever words that need to be spoken has already been heard or doesn’t even matter. Beomgyu closes his eyes and lets that music of Taehyun's heart calm him down and soothe his tired body. It’s really too late in the evening and he’s just too exhausted to move.

They stay like that for a few minutes before he feels Taehyun move slightly, his voice rumbling against the ear he has put on his chest, “Beomgyu hyung.” Taehyun calls, “We should probably not sleep here. Our bodies will hate us tomorrow morning if we do.”

He hums in agreement but doesn’t move. “Beomgyu hyung…” Taehyun calls again, running his hand through Beomgyu’s hair, “Beomgyu hyung…” He ignores him, determined to just fall asleep here. Taehyun is right, they will hate themselves tomorrow when they wake up with body ache, but he’s just too damn comfortable in his arms to even move a muscle. “Beomgyu hyung… will you be my boyfriend?”

That woke him up.

His head whips up and he pushes himself away to look at Taehyun grinning mischievously at him. He rolls his eyes, “You kid, don’t startle me like that.” He chuckles and finally moves off of Taehyun, “I might need to borrow some of your clothes, though." He turns to Taehyun who suddenly, yet gently takes his face and kisses him softly on the corner of his mouth. Beomgyu’s eyes widen in surprise at how gentle and soft the kiss is compared to the previous one and the other kisses they shared prior. Taehyun pulls away slowly and smiles, “I’m serious.”

Beomgyu swallows hard, as he looks at those intense eyes. How can he say no to that? Even before he decided to leave the auction dinner, he knows he's totally done for. No, ever since he saw him back at the airport and pined for him for many months, he knows what his answer will be. He smiles, and slowly nods, “Yes, Hyunnie. I’ll be your boyfriend.”

Taehyun's face lights up, it's a look he's not accustomed to seeing--he doubts anyone has seen it before and he revels in the feeling that only he could do that to the guy. He kisses him on the lips and Taehyun embraces him tightly. "Now, can you not go out to dinner with that annoying co-worker of yours?" Taehyun says, burying his face onto his neck.

It takes a while for Beomgyu to understand what he meant with this odd request but when he does, he bursts out laughing, "It's too late. I already did."

"What?!"

"He was my date at the auction dinner," Beomgyu says, "Well, I was still technically still single until a few seconds ago."

Taehyun looks cute when he's incredibly pouty. Beomgyu smiles and plants a quick kiss on the boy's lips but that doesn't do the trick. He does this a couple of times until Taehyun eventually lets up the scowl and smiles. He stops Beomgyu’s kisses by holding his face and whispering against his lips, "Beomgyu hyung, I love you."

Beomgyu's eyes widen at the simple, candid declaration of love, his heart stuttering from its steady beating. When he sees Taehyun giving him a genuine smile, he thinks, _ah, maybe I should start getting used to this._ Taehyun is honest and straightforward and he would never say things he didn't mean. At the very least, Beomgyu knows he said it because it's what he is feeling at that very moment, and he relishes that moment for a while. Being loved, being cherished. Taehyun is looking at him with those eyes that tell him, _You're the only one I see._ Now he understands what Yeonjun and Namjoon is saying... or maybe, at least a gist of it. Fate always finds a way to bring them together.

Taehyun is not waiting for him to respond when he stands up and offers his hand to Beomgyu. He knows it will take some time... maybe a long time for Beomgyu to say those words back and Beomgyu has a lingering suspicion that he'll be willing to wait, for as long as it takes.

"Are you coming?" Taehyun asks when he doesn't take his hand right away. Beomgyu looks at the offered hand. Thinks about all those times he rejected the offer because he's too broken or too afraid to take a chance. He knows this will not solve many of his problems, but he also knows he finally doesn't have to do it alone. He takes Taehyun's hand, their fingers automatically interlacing together like two puzzle pieces, finally slotting together perfectly.

"Yeah." He says, smiling. Always.

~END~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally! thank you so much to those people who stayed up until the last chapter, read, and commented. you guys made my day.  
> i actually wanted to make this 17 chapters, but i trimmed it and kept two chapters into one single big one. hope you guys like it.  
> i'll be ia for some days, until i come back and start with the beomjun fanfic as promised. till then, love you guys! take care and look out for the next update!  
> <3


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